Forgiveness

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32 NKJV)

Sometimes I catch myself praying for God to change circumstances and behavior when what’s needed is for Him to change hearts—often my own. Negative actions and reactions, like symptoms, stem from, but may not identify the underlying problem. We need to treat the root, not the fruit, if we want true and lasting change. When God transforms hearts, the change spills out to influence circumstances and relationships.

Relationship problems arise from sin. Sin is the culprit—our own brokenness, the gap in our relationship with Christ—where we are, as opposed to where He would have us to be.

When I focus on my unmet needs to the detriment of others, I indulge in a self-serving pity party. If I want to see change, I must give Jesus the reins of my heart.

But to forgive the incessant provocations of life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning what we say in our prayers each night, ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Forgiving means wiping the slate clean, canceling the debt, and not retaliating.

I ponder. Will the tears ever stop? What if I dared to speak the words I’ve feared to utter—set them free from the captivity of silence? Would the chains of pain be broken, or would the weight of regret be too great to bear? Once let loose, I cannot call them back. “Lord…?”

God’s word reins me in.

“He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:7)

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

Oh, the power of our words, whether spoken or written, to bring harm or healing. Help me, Lord, to handle them wisely, to use them to serve even those who hurt me.

Extending forgiveness requires humility, putting aside my pride and errant emotions. It means valuing relationships and being right with God over enforcing my rights.

Life is too short, and eternity is too near to be easily offended by those I’m called to love. Keeping a record of wrongs embitters and enslaves us. The stony walls of offense I build to protect my hurting heart imprison me and keep Christ and His healing out. The sweet waters of forgiveness break through the barrier of bitterness and open the road to resolution.

As the lyrics to the spiritual goes, “It’s not my brother, not my sister, but it’s me, oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.” Rather than try to fix others (which I can’t do) I need to fix my relationship with Christ.

Other’s wrong actions toward me do not excuse my sinful reactions. While we shouldn’t enable abuse or needlessly place ourselves in toxic situations, we must extend forgiveness, even if the other person is wrong and unrepentant.

To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because Christ forgave the inexcusable in you.

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

Jesus didn’t die only for those who would accept Him. He paid the penalty for the sins of all those He knew would reject Him, too. The great I Am bore the sins of all humanity to provide forgiveness we do not deserve.

We must let go of unforgiveness if we want to receive the forgiveness Jesus offers.—We cannot hold on to both.

But forgiving is often beyond my natural ability.

To err is human, to forgive divine.

Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

It helps me when I remember people mistreat others because of what’s broken in them. When I focus on their need for healing, the injustices I receive become much easier to handle. When I pray for someone, not just for my vindication or relief, I find God gives me the heart, the grace, to forgive them. And besides, I need forgiveness too.

Jesus wants us to bring our brokenness, shortfalls, and failures to Him so He can change and imbue us with His supernatural empowerment.

Regardless of the behavior of others, if I forgive and yield to Jesus’ refining of my heart and character through the circumstances in my life, He rewards. A right heart yields a closer relationship with Jesus and His unsurpassed peace.

God’s love for humanity drove Jesus to the cross to purchase our pardon. God commands us to love and to extend grace and forgiveness to others as He does to us. When I set my heart and mind to love and serve others as Jesus calls me to, even if it is unrequited, He fulfills me.

When we let Jesus overhaul our inward man, the core of who we are, many of our relationship problems resolve themselves. He is defender and restorer. We encounter struggles, pitfalls, and pain in life’s journey, but Scripture promises that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) And the most important good is Christ formed in us. He is the Master Builder. There is joy and contentment when I focus on Jesus, rest my heart in His hands, and walk in His ways.

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The above is in response to requests to share the devotion mentioned in my article, The Absent Author.

Rachel M. Colby has a heart for reconciliation and a passion to uplift those who serve in tough places. She writes to connect cultures’ questions with Christianity’s answers, inspire faith, and motivate.

Rachael’s work has appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul, the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference Blog, online publications,compilation books, and the Oak Ridger newspaper.

This Jamaican-born multi-genre award-winning writer, wife, and mom resides in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. She runs on chocolate and a lotta “Help me, Jesus.”

Website: TattooItOnYourHeart.com Twitter: @RachaelColby7  Facebook: Rachael M Colby  Instagram: Rachael M Colby