How Do You Write Characters of the Opposite Gender Realistically?

This was a question I saw in the Twitter writing community and realized it is a challenge, especially in a romance story. As a woman, how do I effectively write my male protagonist realistically in my historical romance stories?

Until seeing this question on Twitter, I hadn’t really thought about it. However, I spend quite a bit of time planning my characters—getting to know them—before beginning my story. I create their back stories as well, because my stories are character driven so I want to know my main characters inside and out. I think that’s a great start.

Also, in my neighborhood, my sister and I were the only girls for a long time and we had the biggest yard. Therefore we played a lot of kickball and wiffleball with boys. I had lots of boys as friends. I think spending time with boys as I was growing up allowed me to understand them and get a pretty good idea of how they act and react to different things.

It also helps to watch and observe people. I enjoy people watching. It’s an activity you can do just about anywhere.

I am part of a small critique group, and the first summer I was part of the group, there was a gentleman in the group. I submitted chapters of my historical romance story each time we met. Often when we met to offer feedback, this gentleman would remark how impressed and surprised he was at how authentically I portrayed my male protagonist. He remarked on my male protagonist’s dialogue lines as well as his reactions toward the female protagonist.

My husband and I have been married for 26 years, which I believe also gives me a good sense of how a man acts and reacts. It also has given me insight into the differences between men and women as God designed us. As we spend time with those of the opposite gender, talk with them, listen to them, and observe them we get a pretty good idea of how to write the characters of our opposite gender in our stories.

If the characters that you write of the opposite gender seem unrealistic or react to a particular situation in a strange way, take some time to observe the opposite gender, especially as they interact with someone of your gender. Also, talk with someone of the opposite gender, maybe share what you’ve written with them, and allow them to give you some thoughts and ideas.

However, I strongly encourage you to dig deep and develop your characters’ personalities, the family they grew up in, their back stories, their strengths and weaknesses, their needs and desires – everything you can think of to create a deep well-rounded character – as this will help you to write your characters, of both the same gender as you and the opposite gender as you, effectively and realistically. Spend time writing down everything you know about your character; creating your character, before inserting them into your story.

Kelly F. Barr lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. She is married and has three sons. She writes historical romance. She has also been a blogger for ten years, and every Friday, you can find her Flash Fiction stories posted for your reading pleasure. She loves her family, including the family dog, books, walks, and chai lattes.