Making a List and Checking It Twice

The other day I was waiting on my son to get out of an event, and, because I was bored, I decided to make a list of the Top 10 Title Choices for my Autobiography.

I know, I know: my mind doesn’t work like most people’s. However, memoir is hot right now, so why not?

The first four titles describe my life on any given day:

• 10. Just One More Load of Laundry
• 9. Reply to All but Not to Me: My Pet Peeves
• 8. I Hate Raisins: Adventures in Trail Mix Avoidance
• 7. That’s VitaVeggieMeataMac: Lucy’s Biggest Fan

The everyday tasks and aggravations of life can distract from our writing (Can I get an ‘Amen’ with the laundry?), but we have to push through. And who doesn’t need a Lucy break every now and then to ease the pressures of life?

The next set deals with roles I play:

• 6. Dad, I Hit Myself! Tales of an Only Child
• 5. Clean Your Rooms, I Love You, Where’s the Couch: Modern Dad and Husband
• 4. College Professor Confidential: Will This Be on the Test?

Most writers I know are “bi-vocational.” We have “real” jobs and responsibilities we have to tend to before we can write. I guess you could say my teaching work supports my writing habit, and, thankfully, my family supports me. After all, family and relationships come first.

Speaking of writing (How’s that for a transition?), my final choices deal with this thing that we spend so much time talking about and pouring over:

• 3. Bang Your Head Against a Wall: A Primer on Getting Your Writing Published
• 2. Bang Your Head Against a Wall 2: A Primer on How Not to Get Your Writing Published

Oh, now I’m getting all up in your Kool-Aid! Many, many of you know what I’m talking about. Publication can be such a frustrating thing, and I think I’ve made every mistake in the book. I’ve had some successes and more failures than I can count, but isn’t that what life is all about? Try/fail, try/fail until you get it right.

I think I have decided on my top choice:

• 1. The Man Who Was Almost An Author