Put Dialog on a diet

Like delicious desserts, dialog is often a reader’s favorite part of a story. We quote great dialog for generations.

            “Off with her head!” – Lewis Carroll.

            “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill.

            “There’s so much scope for imagination.” Lucy Maud Montgomery.

            “It’s me again, Hank the Cowdog.” John Erickson.

            “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” – Jesus Christ.

Dialog is what characters say. Powerful stories are dialog driven through carefully chosen word selections. When Scrooge responds to Christmas cheer with “Bah, humbug,” Charles Dickens has masterfully portrayed the old man’s attitude and character in two words.

Dialog has dynamic purpose in a manuscript. It economically accomplishes several vital objectives. Dialog must

1. move the story forward. “There’s no place like home. ” This declaration tells the reader that Dorothy’s goal is to return to Kansas.
2. reveal something important about the plot. “The priest told me they are married.” A single sentence provides a crucial plot point in Fiddler on the Roof without the use of an entire scene to show the same event. In dialog, information can be dropped like a surprise bomb. Readers read to be surprised.
3. show something important about the character. “Go ahead. Make my day.” What a character says can show what the character is thinking, how the character responds, and illuminate the depth of the character’s motivation.
4. give the character a unique voice. “I know hurryin’ is against your nature, but you might want to pick up the pace before that storm rolls in.” Vocabulary lets the reader know if the character is educated, gives clues to the region the character is from, and shows the character’s nature to be relaxed, tightly wound, worried, sly, or confident.

Put your dialog on a diet. Words that should not appear in dialog include:

Yeah

Okay

Hello

Good-bye

Oh

Well

Writers give the illusion of reality when crafting dialog. It is the juicy parts with the empty portions left out.

        She helped him sit up. “Are you okay?”

            He rubbed the goose egg on the back of his head. “Where is the phone?”

In this example, if the character answered the question – “Yeah, well, I think I’m okay,” – it would detract from the urgency of the situation. From the action of rubbing his head, we know the hero has a painful noggin. Because he ignores concerns about his health, the reader sees he is focused on what is more important. Show me or tell me, but don’t do both.

In the first draft, dialog may begin with “Hello,” “Oh,” or “Well,” “Yeah,” and end with ‘Good-bye,” but in the editing process, be sure to remove these unnecessary distractions. They are like empty calories in your work. Cream filled Twinkies to be eliminated. Then reread the conversations and see how concise it flows without the banned words weighing it down and sounding like the writer is a novice. With practice, you will no longer even write these twinkies into your diet for dynamic dialog.

History buff and island votary, PeggySue Wells skydives, scuba dives, parasails, and has taken (but not passed) pilot training. PeggySue is the bestselling author of 29 books including Homeless for the Holidays, The Girl Who Wore Freedom, and Chasing Sunrise. She is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, Run Hard, Rest Well, advisory committee for the Taylor Writers Conference, and talk show host on Five Kyngdoms Radio. Connect with her at PeggySueWells.com, @PeggySue Wells, linkedin.com/in/peggysuewells, and facebook.com/peggysue.wells.