The art of writing continues to evolve. Today’s readership craves stories with an emotional impact and a brisk pace, even if the story is about strolling along a slow-moving, gently curving stream under a perfectly cloudless sky.
Does this seem to be a contradiction? Yes!
I mean, NO!
One way to create a brisk pace packed with emotion and action is to win the battle of Dialogue Tags vs Action Beats.
Most every writer knows the purpose of dialogue tags, but action beats are more elusive. In simple terms, an action beat identifies the speaker in ways that allow for elimination of the dialogue tag.
The only job of a dialogue tag is to identify the speaker.
Yet, however innocuous that makes them, lively debate exists over which comes first. The speaker or the tag?
Margie said… or …said Margie.
Ralph asked… or …asked Ralph.
Which comes first? “Margie” or “said?”
The debate rages.
I say, “Who cares!?! They’re both as boring as a cheese-only pizza.”
And like a sprinkle of cheese that adds little flavor to a platter of dough, dialogue tags fail to add value to a story. Plus, this problem is exacerbated, brought to a head, by editors, publishers, and others who ban the slightly more interesting tags such as exclaimed, commanded, and preached. Writers have been told such words doom us to be known as amateurs.
The sum of all the parts of this ban is that we have descended into a black cave of sensory deprivation.
Let’s look at how dialogue tags are to blame.
Perhaps you’ve struggled to stay awake as a friend recounts an incident that goes:
I said, “I want you out of here.”
“I’m taking the dog,” he said.
Then I said, “Good. I’m tired of sweeping up after you both.”
The struggle to stave off boredom is the same for readers of short stories and novels. He said… She said… Reader yawns.
Do not despair. An alternative exists! A better way! Action Beats rise victorious!
Now let’s investigate how action beats lead us out of the cave of sensory deprivation. Consider the following rewrite that does not change a single word of dialogue.
My high-heeled shoe hit David between his shoulder blades. “I want you out of here.”
“I’m taking the dog.” He grabbed Spike’s leash.
I rammed the vacuum cleaner against his loafers as he dragged Spike toward the door. “Good. I’m tired of sweeping up after you both.”
Behold, an entire scene without a single “said.” Not only is “said” gone, but we have replaced it with action that increases the pace, tension, and emotion. We visualize the scene, see the shoe fly, feel the anger in the snatching of the leash, and the revenge in the ramming of the vacuum cleaner. Most importantly, the reader has not yawned, not even once.
Without changing even one word of dialogue, the conversation is transformed.
Take a minute to consider how this happens.
The reader knows who is speaking without “she/he said.” Action beats identify the speaker without using dialogue tags. They work at the beginning, end, between two sentences, or even in the middle of a block of dialogue. Wherever placed, action beats increase tension or suspense when placed between two sentences.
Ready to rewrite? Okay! Here are the rules.
Do not alter what is said by the two characters. Replace the dialogue tags with action beats. Increase the word count to a maximum of 75 words. This gives you the freedom to double the word count. Then post your revision so we can all learn from the group’s efforts. So, here we go….
I asked, “Why do you smell like perfume?”
He said, “My mother accidentally sprayed me.”
I asked, “How’d that happen since you don’t live with your mother?”
He said, “I spent the night. That’s why I couldn’t call you last night.”
I said, “I don’t believe you.”
Before I leave you to create a fast-paced and emotional rewrite, I want to say this doesn’t mean you must never use a dialogue tag. Readers tolerate minimal use and even some abuse of them. But “she/he said” dialogue tags rarely enhance your story. Convert these boring tags to action beats that move the story along, increase the pace, reveal emotion, or build tension and suspense. This heightens the senses, causing the reader to “see” the scene in their mind.
A reader may shed a tear or break into a sweat because the brain turns your words into pictures, and those pictures stimulate feelings and emotions. With a bit of practice, you will create a mental movie for your readers.
I am eager to read how you use action beats to put life into this conversation! I will read them all!
Dr. Pat Spencer is the author of the international thriller, Story of a Stolen Girl. Her historical novel, Golden Boxty in the Frypan, will be released September 6, 2023, by Pen It Publications. Sticks in a Bundle, literary/historical fiction, is under a three-book contract with Scarsdale Publishing. Her writings appeared in The Press-Enterprise, Inland Empire Magazine, and literary and professional journals. A Healing Place won the short story category of Oceanside’s 2019 Literary Festival.
