Tag: adjectives

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Kids Lit

Of Adjectives and Illustrators

Kids Lit

“So how do you feel about art notes?”

This came up to a panel of editors recently, and it was clear they wanted to put a positive spin on the answer.

As soon as a story starts burbling, I begin to “see” in my brain the characters and how they interact with the environment and each other. Sadly my art is so bad if I drew a cow (even with udders) I’d have to label it. So my first draft is filled with lots of communication to the illustrator (yet unknown) on how to make this book be exactly what I have in mind!

Over the books I have learned how to give (sometimes nervously!) the illustrator free reign – and the results are amazing! The illustrators chosen have not only been right for the story but augmented it with character emotions and quirks I could not imagine.

Now I edit with these “art notes” in mind.

1 Adjectives

Ah, those descriptive words that come so easily to writers! “The blond girl in the green sweater met the big dog.” Is it important that the sweater is green? Or that the dog is big? Or that the story will only work with a blond protagonist? For every descriptive word in the story, ask if each one will limit the artist or if the description advances the story or defines the character. If a word doesn’t matter (except in how you pictured it) remove and reduce the word count.

2 Art notes

Those little italic comments are off to the side, just in case the artist cannot imagine the action. (In that case, pump up the verbs so it is clear!) So tempting but the editors want to have their images and the artists will too. The only time they are needed is if the page is wordless or what you want in art is the opposite of what you are saying. Did Jesus have to be in a white robe with blue sash like every other picture? Resist! Resist!

3 Roughs

The first art we glimpse are the rough drawings. This is like the first or second draft of the writing. It is tempting to go through every page with helpful “suggestions” to show the squirrel eating a nut or having an areal shot of the house. Remember the artist not only has your words in mind but the page flow of the art, the total composition of the book, and the layout of the page with words. Unless there is a factual error (squirrel with two tails), let it go. However, if a certain drawing is a key to understanding the story and you want a change, mention it now before the art is finalized.

4 Surprises

They happen! Here’s a short story about a “Cat who Changed its Fur.”

I published Eyewitness Animals, Christmas Story, (Standard Publishing, 1997, now out of print). It’s the Nativity story through the eyes of 7 different animals who might have been there. The usual ones were Clomper Donkey and Wooly Lamb. My last character was Silky Kitty, the innkeeper’s cat. She led the little family to the barn behind the inn. In my mind, she was a slinky Siamese, able to get into small places and laze in the sun. 

At this time authors did not approve (or even see) art during production, but I figured how many ways were there to draw a donkey or a lamb? Or a cat? 

The book arrived and I loved the cover and the layout and the art! But when I turned to Silky Kitty’s story, I found she had morphed into…

There she is in front of the manger: Fluffy Kitty! 

Every year since it came out, I have read Eyewitness Animals, Christmas Story, to church preschoolers. Every year the favorite character is – you guessed it – Fluffy Kitty!

Award Winning author Robin Currie learned story sharing by sitting on the floor, in library story times. She has sold 1.7 M copies of her 40 storybooks and writes stories to read and read again! How to Dress a Dinosaur had no art notes and look how cute it turned out! How to Dress a Dinosaur – Familius.com Shop

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Dear Young Scribes

What’s Wrong With Adjectives & Adverbs?

When I was in elementary school, I was taught to incorporate as many adjectives and adverbs into my stories as possible.

 

My writing sounded like this:

The big, fat, yellow sun shined brightly against the light blue sky.

Colorful, isn’t it? And yet, sometimes those colors are the very things that distract the reader from the story. Literary agent, Sally Apokedak, puts it this way: “…too much description makes the colors all bleed together.”

Nowadays, adjectives and adverbs are considered to be lazy writing. They tend to tell the action, emotion, scenery, etc. instead of allowing the reader to experience it for themselves.

But didn’t books use adverbs and adjectives in the old days?

Yes. But we’re not still making black and white movies anymore, are we? We’ve improved our technology and have discovered new—better—ways of capturing film.

Same with books. We’ve discovered ways to write that invite the reader to delve deeper into the story. We want them to not only read about what the character sees; we want them to see it for themselves. We don’t want them to only read about what the character feels; we want them to hear it for themselves.

Overusing adverbs and adjectives is a form of telling rather than showing.

How to Fix This

Replace adverbs and adjectives with strong verbs and concrete nouns. This will help the reader picture the scene for themselves rather than be told how to picture it. Choose specific nouns and strong verbs that will convey the certain emotion that you want the reader to experience.

For example:

She ran quickly up the stairs.

Replace with a strong verb, such as:

She hurried up the stairs.

She rushed up the stairs.

The adverb isn’t necessary in those sentences. Plus, the verbs convey a much stronger sense of action, don’t you think?

Here’s another example:

The living room was dark and dreary. The long, draping curtains hung over the windows, blocking sunlight from shining brightly into the room.

 

By replacing the above adjectives with specific nouns, the phrase can be rewritten to the following:

The living room resembled a cave with its dim lighting. Even the pinch pleat curtains that draped over the windows were closed, as if it were a sin to let the sunlight stream into the room.

Should all adverbs and adjectives be deleted?

Not all of them. But nowadays, agents and publishers do not want adjectives and adverbs to slow down the pace of a story. And neither do the readers. Thanks to TV, movies, snapchats, and 3-minute YouTube videos, the attention span of the average reader has decreased a significant amount over the last couple of decades.

Although it is okay to use adjectives sparingly (adverb not intended!), try to find a way to find concrete nouns and verbs to describe the object without relying on an adjective to do the job.

Here’s another example:

The drink was hot.

Rather than telling the reader how the drink felt, use the effect it has on a character through using the senses—that way, the reader can experience it for themselves.

You can replace the above sentence with:

The drink burned my tongue.

Through the strong verb burned, we know that the drink must have been hot. The reader comes to that conclusion themselves. Not only that, but we can feel the burn on our own tongue since we have probably experienced a similar situation ourselves.

Conclusion

Too many adjectives and adverbs get in the way of the flow of the story. The reader can easily forget where the story was headed when the author tries to describe too many objects/places/people in detail.

Ask yourself: Is it important that the reader knows what color my character’s shoes are? Is it important to the story or the mood/emotion of this scene to show that the walls are gray? If not, leave the object blank. Readers love to use their own imagination and choose a color for themselves. Then, highlight on the specific and unique details that are significant to the story, characterization, mood/theme/emotion, or setting development.

The overuse of adjectives and adverbs is a common mistake that beginning writers make, and most agents and publishers cringe when they spot this.

Again, it’s okay to use sparingly. Adjectives tend to be more accepted than adverbs—just make sure that the adjectives are spread out and not clumped together within a sentence or paragraph.

Remember: When it comes to adverbs and adjectives, less is always more.

When you do decide to leave an adjective or adverb, be careful with where it is placed and how it’s used. Try your best to see if there is any other way you can describe the object, character, or setting.

If you have no choice but to keep it, then read over the page and make sure that the story continues to move along at a good pace. Make sure that the description is woven into the story and not the other way around.

How do you rewrite adjectives and adverbs in your manuscript?

[bctt tweet=”What’s Wrong With Adjectives & Adverbs? @TessaEmilyHall #writingtips #writingcraft ” username=””]

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Grammar and Grace

Adjectives are Cool!

This month at Grammar and Grace we’re studying adjectives. Adjectives are words that tell something about a noun or a pronoun.

An easy point to remember about adjectives is that they normally come right before or right after the noun or pronoun.

*The red wheelbarrow rests beside the path.

*The donkey–tired and stubborn–refused to finish plowing the field.

Adjectives that come after a verb (usually linking verbs) modify or describe the subject. These adjectives are called predicate adjectives.

*The pesto is yummy.

Adjectives can tell something about appearance–spectacular, nubby; color–black, gold; condition–bashful, intelligent; personality–victorious, ditzy; quantity–empty, packed; shape–snake-like, plump; time–early, retro; taste–sour, bland; touch–sizzling, velvety. (Yes, I agree. Some of these adjectives fit in more than one category.)

Do you notice anything about the adjectives? They don’t end with similar letters that shout, “Hey, I’m an adjective.” Just remember, if a word gives more information about a noun–how many fingers? Five–or if it makes a noun distinct from another noun–the red car, not the blue one–it’s an adjective.

Happy writing!

 

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Write Justified

The Common Comma – Part 3

 

Bryan Garner, author of A Dictionary of Modern American Usage, and a raft of other books on English language usage and style, calls the comma the least emphatic punctuation mark of all. While it may not have the impact of a period or semi-colon, marks that call for a full stop or pause, the comma’s primary role is a separator. And when it comes to clarity, that’s an important role.

Garner identifies nine uses for a comma. We’ve covered

We’ll finish this series with Garner’s final five.

  • Qualifying adjectives

When more than one adjective is describing a noun, separate them with commas if both can be true of the noun.

John’s worn, red sweater won the award for the company’s annual Ugly Christmas Sweater contest.

Since John’s sweater is both worn and red, the qualifying adjectives are separated with a comma. Note the tip here. If the comma could be replaced with and, the comma is needed.

When the adjectives describe the noun in different ways, or one adjective describes the other no comma is needed.

Repainting the bright pink walls was the first item on the new homeowners to do list.

Bright modifies pink, not walls. No comma.

  • Direct vs. indirect speech

When writing dialogue, use a comma to separate direct speech from indirect speech.

“My goodness,” Marjorie exclaimed, “look how that child has grown.”

  • Participial phrase

Introductory participial phrases are set off with a comma.

Famished after their ten-mile hike, the scouts lined up early for dinner.

Waiting for the bank to open, Margaret caught up on Facebook.

No comma is needed if the sentence is inverted and the phrase immediately precedes the verb.

Facing down the monster was the prince himself.

  • Salutation

I know it’s becoming a lost art—letter writing—that is. But should you have occasion to write a note or informal letter, insert a comma after the salutation. Dear John, Dear Sally,

That’s not a bad practice to carry over into those emails you dash off, either.

  • Parts of an address

Separate the elements of an address, as well as dates, when they are run in the text.

The package was shipped to 758 Potter Street, Hamlin, Missouri, by mistake.

The Declaration of Independence was signed on July 3, 1776, not July 4.

Punctuation, like language itself, evolves over time. What was once a preference for more commas— “close” style, has given way to an “open” approach using fewer commas. Some have gone as far as saying, “When in doubt, leave it out.” Keep in mind that[bctt tweet=” the whole reason we use punctuation is to make our writing as clear as possible” username=””]. You’ll be on the right path if you adhere to Bryan’s nine uses.