Tag: commitment

Categories
Writing Romance

What About Commitment?

Let’s face it. The majority of romance readers, including me, prefer a happy ending. But does that mean  the “fuzzy feelings” last?

Of course, anyone who has fallen in love and had a romantic relationship, whether short term or long term, married or not, knows that … no, the “fuzzy feelings” do not last long term, and … “happily ever after” doesn’t mean there will be no bumps in the road or struggles to overcome.

So, does a happy ending in a romance novel require “happily ever after”?

I don’t think so. But I do think our romance stories are missing an important piece. How does a couple remain “in love” for the long haul? They take their wedding vows – their commitment to each other – seriously, and they don’t give up during the difficult times.

What happened to commitment in our society? Sadly, our world has become a place where we get most of what we want quickly and easily, and this has bred expectations for quick and easy satisfaction in every aspect of life. Also, with the high divorce rate and many churches now accepting divorce, I think too many people go into marriage with the idea that “if it doesn’t work out, there’s always divorce”.

Commitment isn’t really talked about in today’s society or in many marriage ceremonies. Could Christian Romance authors possibly have an effect on today’s society or make them start thinking more about commitment again? I believe we have a responsibility to try. 

I believe we need to give commitment more of a spotlight in our fiction.

I’m not saying, “forget the romance”, but let’s show what commitment means. Imagine having your male and female main characters experiencing some conflict in their relationship. Of course, every story has to have some conflict.

But what would happen if we showed our hero thinking about how much he really loves this woman, in the midst of the conflict, and show his willingness to do the hard work—to find a way to work out the conflict and show he’s in this relationship for the long haul. Or, you can do the same through the female character or, better yet, through both characters.

I know every woman loves a warm, fuzzy, feel-good romance story, but I think there is a place for romance stories to include some of those fuzzy feelings while being more realistic. I believe showing how a relationship can actually last for many years because of the commitment of one or both people can add something to the story – something that will not only surprise the reader, but also give them inspiration, encouragement, and hope in their own relationship.

If you’ve seen the 2008 movie, “Fireproof” starring Kirk Cameron, you know what I’m talking about.

That movie, and Kirk’s insistence to have his real life wife be the one he kissed in the movie, instead of the actress playing that role, was a powerful example of commitment. There must be a need for such stories as that movie grossed $6,836,036 in its opening weekend and went on to gross over $33 million dollars in the box office and over an estimated $50 million in DVD sales. It also inspired couples to try the “Love Dare” to save their own marriages.

This doesn’t mean that if you write a good love story emphasizing commitment, you’re guaranteed a best seller, but your story may inspire some woman or some couple to value the importance of commitment in their relationship.

Kelly F. Barr lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. She is married and has three sons. She writes historical romance. She has also been a blogger for ten years, and every Friday, you can find her Flash Fiction stories posted for your reading pleasure. She loves her family, including the family dog, books, walks, and chai lattes.

You can find her online at:

Website: kellyfbarr.com

MeWe: KellyBarr8

Categories
Writer Encouragement

No Turning Back

After conquering the first challenging rock face, I paused to look down at the path we had just climbed. Quitting was not an option. Going backwards at this point felt like a death wish. Edging down the cliff on slick sandstone outcroppings with my bum knee that could go out any moment? No way. What choice did I have but to go forward? My son assured me we were nearly past the difficult part and beyond the next rise we would start the journey downward by a much easier route.

I wasn’t sure I could make the journey ahead of me, but I had gone too far to turn back now. I forged ahead and with much help from my family, I finished the hike, exhausted but happy.

As serious writers, we can set up circumstances in our lives that will, in effect, place us in a position of no turning back from our writing journey. Most of us feel pressure to meet certain expectations—either our own expectations or those placed upon us by others. Commitments, deadlines, and goal setting can provide accountability and lead us forward. We may have to stretch ourselves and ask for help from family and friends, but if we press on, a tipping point will come. It will become easier to keep writing than to quit.

Reverse Engineer Expectations

Someone discovers your talent for cooking or sewing or anything slightly unique, and from then on, they expect you to complete a certain task, whether you want to or not. Ever happen to you?

A trivial example from my life is baking pecan pie—well, okay, pecan pie is not trivial. Apparently, I make the best pecan pie of anyone on both sides of my extended family, so for years and to this day, it’s my job to bake the pecan pies for our family holidays. No one cares whether I might like to try chocolate pie or blueberry pie or any other dessert. I’m great at pecan pie and that’s what they expect from me, so I do it because— “Tradition!” (You should be hearing the theme from Fiddler on the Roof.)

The point is, for the most part, we do what is expected of us, and we can turn this to our advantage. What do we want people to expect from us? I desire to write regularly and to share with an audience to bless, encourage, and/or inform them in some way. How can I find a group or a person who will require my writing? Of course, we’d all love to have a publisher pay us, but until we get there, I have a few suggestions that will put good pressure on us to write regularly.

Join a Critique Group

Joining a critique group has many advantages over Lone Ranger writing. We may be introverts, but until we reach Stephen King status, most of us need the help of others to keep growing and stay energized.

Critique groups, like authors, come in many different shapes and colors. Search the web for local writers’ critique groups or ask around in your online writers’ groups until you find one that fits your personality. I was happy to find a group requiring a certain level of commitment. As a kid in school, I always did my homework, so if a group is requiring a submission from me each month, I will complete the assignment. This is one way to reverse engineer the kind of pressure you want for the sake of motivation.

Find a Deadline, Submit, and Start Small

Once you have a critique group, you can get help with submissions to publishers. Using the Writer’s Market Guide or online research, find deadlines listed by publishers for submissions. Some accept freelance submissions year-round, others have submission periods certain times of the year, and contests have definite deadlines. Allow plenty of lead time before any publisher or contest deadlines and ask your critique group to give you feedback on your future submissions.

If you’re an unpublished beginner, start with short submissions for devotions or magazine articles and volunteer to write for church or non-profit publications. It’s wonderful to receive pay, but in the early stages of your career, being published is valuable in itself.

Set Goals

In addition to the requirements of a critique group or publishers, we need to create our own goals and expectations. It’s easier to fulfill the expectations of others, but I am praying for the self-discipline to achieve my personal goals. List your goals and keep track of them; for example, I plan to have at least twelve submissions out at all times. As soon as I receive a rejection, I send out another submission.

If twelve sounds daunting, set a lower number. Plan your days and set word count goals, submissions goals, or simply commit to spending a certain number of hours per day writing. Ultimately, while God is in charge of our destiny, we are in charge of our daily decision-making. Like my rock-climbing experience, once you make it to a certain level in your writing journey, it becomes easier to keep moving forward than to turn back.

What helps you stay motivated to write? Do you tend to meet the expectations of others more than your own? I’d love to hear your comments.

In 1996, Susan E. Brooks moved to Mozambique, Africa, with her family where she taught art and English at an international high school and started journaling about her adventures. Her stories of struggles and victories in Mozambique are now published on her blog in a series entitled “Mozambican Odyssey.” She has since lived in Portugal, Ghana, and Cyprus, as well as in her home state of Kentucky, USA.

Meanwhile, nine grandchildren have come along, and she is inspired to write and illustrate a children’s book for each of them. Susan has self-published four children’s books so far.

In recent years, her stories have been published by Peace Catalyst International and in an anthology entitled Prayer Warrior Confessions. Follow Susan’s adventures and her art on her websiteL susanebrooks.com, Facebook susanbrooksart, and on Instagram @sebrooks81.

Categories
Embrace the Wait

Survival Tips for the Waiting Part of Writing Tip #11 – Make a Fresh Start and Renewed Commitment to Writing

One of my favorite quotes from a fictional character is Anne Shirley’s profound declaration that, “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.” That’s how I feel about a new year too. The more years that fly by the more I’m reminded that time is precious and not to be wasted on loitering in the past. With each new year comes God’s reminder to, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?”

When you’ve been writing for a while with little to no traction in the publishing world, it can be difficult to perceive that your writing has any purpose. But take heart. As Christian writers we know that our purpose is to write for Him. If we are doing that faithfully, then we can be assured that He is the one taking care of the details and timing of publication.

The start of a new year is a perfect time to take stock, realign ourselves with our calling, and press on with a renewed commitment to writing. And it just so happens that the start of a new year provides plenty of built in opportunities to motivate a renewal. Here are a few:

  1. Take full advantage of writer’s conference season. Whether it be a local conference or one in another state, it is well worth the time and investment to attend. Writer’s conferences not only help you gain important connections with agents and editors, they also provide training to improve your craft and connect you with other writers who are on the same tedious journey. I’ve never attended a conference that didn’t result in my returning home with new passion, writing vigor, and drive. Map out a plan to attend one now, the anticipation will help motivate too. Here’s a great resource to find a conference that is the right fit for you:
  2. Join a critique group if you are not already involved in one. It’s amazing how inspiring it can be to hear feedback about your writing—the good and the bad. There are plenty of great groups out there for the finding, but Word Weaver’s Intl. has been my go-to group for years. I look forward to the first Thursday of each month, and it serves as a deadline to submit something fresh or freshly improved. I also love the structure of the meetings and the friendships I’ve made through them.
  3. Create monthly writing goals for yourself and share the plan with someone who can ask you about it each month. Challenge yourself to stretch your norms or simply to remain consistent. It’s a fact that people who have accountability partners are more likely to stay motivated to succeed. Here’s a great article about how to set achievable writing goals.

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:17, Isaiah 43:19, Philippians 3:12

Fun Fact: I read this quote from Hope Bolinger when she posted it for Serious Writers Club on Facebook. It inspired me. I hope it will do the same for you.

“It takes years to find an agent. And when the agent picks you up, years to find a publisher. And when the publisher picks you up, years to get the book published. And when the book gets published, years to start making money from royalties. And when that book sells, years to get the next one sold. It’s all a process. Don’t worry if it’s taking you a while to get your book with an agent or book sold. It’s just a slow industry. You’re not behind. You’re right on time.”

Annette Marie Griffin is a award-winning writer who speaks at local women’s group meetings and women’s retreats on the topic of biblical womanhood and finding our identity in Christ. She is the Operations and Events Coordinator at a private school for special needs students and is the editor of their quarterly newsletter. She has written custom curriculum for women’s retreats and children’s church curriculum for Gateway Church in San Antonio, Texas where she served as Children’s Ministry Director and Family Program Director for over twenty years. She and her husband John have five amazing children and two adorable grands. She’s a member of Word Weavers International, ACFW, SCBWI, and serves on the Board of Directors for The Creative Writing Institute.