dialogue tags – Almost An Author

Dialogue Tags vs Action Beats: A Battle that Must be Won!

The art of writing continues to evolve. Today’s readership craves stories with an emotional impact and a brisk pace, even if the story is about strolling along a slow-moving, gently curving stream under a perfectly cloudless sky.

Does this seem to be a contradiction? Yes!

I mean, NO!

One way to create a brisk pace packed with emotion and action is to win the battle of Dialogue Tags vs Action Beats.

Most every writer knows the purpose of dialogue tags, but action beats are more elusive. In simple terms, an action beat identifies the speaker in ways that allow for elimination of the dialogue tag.

The only job of a dialogue tag is to identify the speaker.

Yet, however innocuous that makes them, lively debate exists over which comes first. The speaker or the tag?

Margie said… or …said Margie.

Ralph asked… or …asked Ralph.

Which comes first? “Margie” or “said?”

The debate rages.

I say, “Who cares!?! They’re both as boring as a cheese-only pizza.”

And like a sprinkle of cheese that adds little flavor to a platter of dough, dialogue tags fail to add value to a story. Plus, this problem is exacerbated, brought to a head, by editors, publishers, and others who ban the slightly more interesting tags such as exclaimed, commanded, and preached. Writers have been told such words doom us to be known as amateurs.

The sum of all the parts of this ban is that we have descended into a black cave of sensory deprivation.

Let’s look at how dialogue tags are to blame.

Perhaps you’ve struggled to stay awake as a friend recounts an incident that goes:

I said, “I want you out of here.”

“I’m taking the dog,” he said.

Then I said, “Good. I’m tired of sweeping up after you both.”

The struggle to stave off boredom is the same for readers of short stories and novels. He said… She said… Reader yawns.

Do not despair. An alternative exists! A better way! Action Beats rise victorious!

Now let’s investigate how action beats lead us out of the cave of sensory deprivation. Consider the following rewrite that does not change a single word of dialogue.

My high-heeled shoe hit David between his shoulder blades. “I want you out of here.”

“I’m taking the dog.” He grabbed Spike’s leash.

I rammed the vacuum cleaner against his loafers as he dragged Spike toward the door. “Good. I’m tired of sweeping up after you both.”

Behold, an entire scene without a single “said.” Not only is “said” gone, but we have replaced it with action that increases the pace, tension, and emotion. We visualize the scene, see the shoe fly, feel the anger in the snatching of the leash, and the revenge in the ramming of the vacuum cleaner. Most importantly, the reader has not yawned, not even once.

Without changing even one word of dialogue, the conversation is transformed.

Take a minute to consider how this happens.

The reader knows who is speaking without “she/he said.” Action beats identify the speaker without using dialogue tags. They work at the beginning, end, between two sentences, or even in the middle of a block of dialogue. Wherever placed, action beats increase tension or suspense when placed between two sentences.

Ready to rewrite? Okay! Here are the rules.

Do not alter what is said by the two characters. Replace the dialogue tags with action beats. Increase the word count to a maximum of 75 words. This gives you the freedom to double the word count. Then post your revision so we can all learn from the group’s efforts. So, here we go….

I asked, “Why do you smell like perfume?”

He said, “My mother accidentally sprayed me.”

I asked, “How’d that happen since you don’t live with your mother?”

He said, “I spent the night. That’s why I couldn’t call you last night.”

I said, “I don’t believe you.”

Before I leave you to create a fast-paced and emotional rewrite, I want to say this doesn’t mean you must never use a dialogue tag. Readers tolerate minimal use and even some abuse of them. But “she/he said” dialogue tags rarely enhance your story. Convert these boring tags to action beats that move the story along, increase the pace, reveal emotion, or build tension and suspense. This heightens the senses, causing the reader to “see” the scene in their mind.

A reader may shed a tear or break into a sweat because the brain turns your words into pictures, and those pictures stimulate feelings and emotions. With a bit of practice, you will create a mental movie for your readers.

I am eager to read how you use action beats to put life into this conversation! I will read them all!

Dr. Pat Spencer is the author of the international thriller, Story of a Stolen Girl. Her historical novel, Golden Boxty in the Frypan, will be released September 6, 2023, by Pen It Publications. Sticks in a Bundle, literary/historical fiction, is under a three-book contract with Scarsdale Publishing. Her writings appeared in The Press-Enterprise, Inland Empire Magazine, and literary and professional journals. A Healing Place won the short story category of Oceanside’s 2019 Literary Festival.

He said, She said

Have you ever felt stuck using the same dialogue tags? It can creep in when we get comfortable with our writing. It’s the easy way to move on to the next character’s line of dialogue. But dialogue tags are a useful tool for writers to add imagery to their words.

Take a simple group of sentences like these for example:

“Run,” she said.

“Where should I run?” he asked.

“To get help!” she exclaimed.

Look familiar? We sometimes find this style of writing in young children’s books. As the writing level moves up, it’s appropriate to add more than simple tags to dialogue. It’s natural to get caught up in the action and forget to add the little flourishes our dialogue so greatly needs to enhance the scene. It’s effortless to hurry through dialogue with a simple “he said, she said.” But this is a missed opportunity to show more about your characters.

For instance: “I’m alone and afraid,” she said, shivering.

What does that look like to the reader? How does the reader envision that sentence? We read what she says, but how does that look?

Let’s try that again.

“I’m alone and afraid.” Abigail rubbed the goosebumps on her arms. Her scalp prickled as she sat huddled in her bedroom closet with her cell phone to her ear.

This is a better visual of what Abigail is doing. We show the reader rather than tell them how she feels. It takes a bit more thought, but worth it to throw the reader right into that closet with Abigail.

Dialogue tags are a wonderful opportunity to show the reader what your character is doing rather than telling them. It’s also a great way to showcase your writing savvy.

Readers often skip over dialogue tags like ‘said’, so they aren’t always necessary. If the dialogue is well written, readers will recognize the voice of their beloved characters before they read the dialogue tag. They aren’t needed for every sentence, so mix it up. Don’t slow down the reader’s pace with a needless ‘said’ or ‘asked’.

How about the use of ‘exclaimed’? Let’s see how that looks:

“You’re stepping on my foot!” Jenny exclaimed.

This tells us the person is not happy having their foot stepped on. But what else is going on here? What if the author wrote it like this:

“You’re stepping on my foot.” Jenny’s face contorted as she tugged her shoe from under the elephant’s foot.”

Okay, an elephant is a bit extreme, but you get the idea. We can see how Jenny is upset without using a telling dialogue tag.

Take advantage of dialogue tags as a chance to showcase a bit of your characters’ mannerisms. How about showing their physical attributes? Let’s take an example like this one:

“I don’t want to go to the doctor,” Jenny said.

Or could we toss in some description and say it this way:

“I don’t want to go to the doctor.” Jenny’s long, brown hair blew out the open window of the car as she clenched her teeth.

These are alternative ways to show your readers rather than tell with creative dialogue tags. Have fun and spice up your writing with some action, description, and emotion.

Leann Austin has written over a hundred newspaper articles published in The Post-Journal and The Villager – Lakeside Edition. She’s also authored 16 stories for Primary Treasure magazine. She was the recipient of an honorable mention in Writer’s Digest 75th Annual Writing Competition.

Leann blogs about her son’s journey with type one diabetes at leannaustin.blogspot.com. She also connects with her readers at her author page. Leann is a mother of four fabulous children and in her spare time she crochets newborn caps for the local hospital nursery.