gender differences – Almost An Author

How Do You Write Characters of the Opposite Gender Realistically?

This was a question I saw in the Twitter writing community and realized it is a challenge, especially in a romance story. As a woman, how do I effectively write my male protagonist realistically in my historical romance stories?

Until seeing this question on Twitter, I hadn’t really thought about it. However, I spend quite a bit of time planning my characters—getting to know them—before beginning my story. I create their back stories as well, because my stories are character driven so I want to know my main characters inside and out. I think that’s a great start.

Also, in my neighborhood, my sister and I were the only girls for a long time and we had the biggest yard. Therefore we played a lot of kickball and wiffleball with boys. I had lots of boys as friends. I think spending time with boys as I was growing up allowed me to understand them and get a pretty good idea of how they act and react to different things.

It also helps to watch and observe people. I enjoy people watching. It’s an activity you can do just about anywhere.

I am part of a small critique group, and the first summer I was part of the group, there was a gentleman in the group. I submitted chapters of my historical romance story each time we met. Often when we met to offer feedback, this gentleman would remark how impressed and surprised he was at how authentically I portrayed my male protagonist. He remarked on my male protagonist’s dialogue lines as well as his reactions toward the female protagonist.

My husband and I have been married for 26 years, which I believe also gives me a good sense of how a man acts and reacts. It also has given me insight into the differences between men and women as God designed us. As we spend time with those of the opposite gender, talk with them, listen to them, and observe them we get a pretty good idea of how to write the characters of our opposite gender in our stories.

If the characters that you write of the opposite gender seem unrealistic or react to a particular situation in a strange way, take some time to observe the opposite gender, especially as they interact with someone of your gender. Also, talk with someone of the opposite gender, maybe share what you’ve written with them, and allow them to give you some thoughts and ideas.

However, I strongly encourage you to dig deep and develop your characters’ personalities, the family they grew up in, their back stories, their strengths and weaknesses, their needs and desires – everything you can think of to create a deep well-rounded character – as this will help you to write your characters, of both the same gender as you and the opposite gender as you, effectively and realistically. Spend time writing down everything you know about your character; creating your character, before inserting them into your story.

Kelly F. Barr lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. She is married and has three sons. She writes historical romance. She has also been a blogger for ten years, and every Friday, you can find her Flash Fiction stories posted for your reading pleasure. She loves her family, including the family dog, books, walks, and chai lattes.

You can find her online at:

Website: https://kellyfbarr.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kellyb_26

Facebook: Kelly F. Barr, Writer

Writing Characters of the Opposite Gender

I am not a horse person. I freely admit almost complete ignorance in regard to horses and horse-related things. So, when my critique partner (who is a horse person) suggested I change the word whinnied to the word nickered, I complied.

One little word, but to a horse person it makes a big difference.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t let your characters whinny when they should nicker. “]

Authenticity is in the details

Authors are typically aware of the importance of such details when it comes to things like setting or historical accuracy, but sometimes we forget about the male-female thing. We are so used to peopling our stories with both male and female characters that we forget half those characters do not think and react like we do.

Sometimes gender inaccuracies are a matter of word choice. Consider the following words:

Giggle
Guffaw
Snicker
Titter
Whoop
Shriek

All synonyms for laughter, but if a male character giggled or tittered the reader might be jerked out of the story, because those words don’t feel appropriate for men. We cannot control the associations every reader has with certain words, but we can be aware of typical attitudes like: women and children may giggle, but men do not.

Obviously, there is more to gender authenticity than proper word choice, such as making sure characters react in gender-appropriate ways. My husband sometimes catches these lapses for me. He will read a scene and say, “a man wouldn’t do that.”

Being the lone female in the household, I have a pretty good understanding of male behavior, but when my husband makes comments like that, I listen. Because no matter how much I try to “think male,” my own personality colors everything I write.

Do you need an expert opinion?

Many writers have a list of experts they consult whenever they need specific details in a certain field. I submit we need a gender expert as well.

My husband is my resident expert on being male. He helps me spot “unmale” details, but he also helps me when I am struggling with a male character’s reaction in a scene:

Sometimes I imagine four or five different options for how a character might react, each of which plays out differently. They all seem valid to me, and I wrestle with the scene, trying to figure out which choice is best. I have discovered that if I describe the scenario to my husband can sometimes say, “forget about A, B, and C. All your character cares about right now is D.”

Lo and behold, when my character focuses on D, the scene plays out and everything feels right. Thank you, Mr. Male Expert!

Photo Credit: Kevin McShane via Compfight cc — Face it, men and women do not think alike.

Do you have a gender expert? Someone who can read through your scenes and spot your lapses in gender authenticity? Maybe you should find one.

This same concept applies when we write characters that are very different from us in other ways, particularly ethnicity. All cultures do not have identical values and expectations, so we may need someone with firsthand knowledge of a culture to ensure we are not putting our values in a character that would not share them.

[bctt tweet=”How do you ensure your characters act with authenticity? #writetip”]

Bottom photo credit: Kevin McShane via Compfight cc