Tag: humor

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Top Self-Quarantine Bestsellers?

lighter look at a writer's life

So, how’s life going, y’all?

As I write this post, our country has been in pandemic lockdown for over two months. States and communities are slowly reopening, but life certainly feels different.

Know what else is different? Writing and creativity in a pandemic.

You would think days and days on end at home would lead to lots and lots of writing. You would think that would be true, but it hasn’t necessarily been for me.

I have been working from home (for which I am extremely thankful), and that has kept me very busy. I have been doing a lot of baking and, therefore, a lot of eating. Eating time can really eat into your writing time (see what I did there). And all of these television shows aren’t going to watch themselves.

On the other hand, thinking about what kind of books might be written during this time of self-quarantine, I have come up with some ideas. Here, in no particular order, are my top ten isolation book concepts:

1. –Zoomin’ for You: A Video-Conferencing Love Story

2. Sleep Pants of the World: A Comfortable Pictorial History

3. What Day is It: A Cozy At-Home Mystery

4. Lounging Around: Lifestyle Devotions for Not-So-Busy People

5. Who’s That Masked Grocery Shopper: Where’s Waldo for Adults

6. Honey, I Don’t Want to Do Anything on the List: Procrastination on Steroids

7. The New Hygiene: Getting by on a Shower a Week

8. Wiped Away: The Search for Toilet Paper

9. School’s Not Out: Homeschooling for the Perpetually Frustrated

10. Corn-Teen: 500 Easy Recipes for Isolation Weight Gain

Of course, I must mention a bonus title, proposed in last month’s post: How to Pull Your Hair Out: Releasing a Book During a Pandemic (I know this one all too well, as previously documented).

On a serious note, I am looking forward to the works developed during this time at home, from dedicated, disciplined writers who have taken the time to create. I salute you for your determination and for your good use of time. To be honest, I have worked on some legitimate ideas for actual projects. I have lots of thoughts on sticky notes, ready to be transformed into actual stories, as soon as I can find them all and put them together.

I’ll get to those—right after my tenth snack of the day.

Carlton Hughes, represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary, wears many hats. By day, he is a professor of communication. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he serves as a children’s pastor. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer. Carlton is an empty-nesting dad and devoted husband who likes long walks on the beach, old sitcoms, and chocolate–all the chocolate. His work has been featured in Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Wonders of Nature, Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. His latest book is Adventures in Fatherhood, co-authored with Holland Webb.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

You Released a Book WHEN?

lighter look at a writer's life

I released a book during a pandemic. What’s new with you?

I waited years upon years to see a book with my name on the cover. That dream came true on April 7, 2020 with the release of Adventures in Fatherhood, a 60-Day Devotional co-authored with good friend (and fellow A3 columnist) Holland Webb.

When you get a book contract, you have hopes, plans, and dreams about the book release. At a writers conference last year, I even attended a workshop on “How to do a Book Launch.”

A month before the release, I received a case of books from the publisher. I scheduled a book launch party in the town where I live. I contacted venues about having one in my hometown, about an hour away. I made plans to do something special with my friends at Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, the event where I met my co-author and where the idea for the book was hatched. I had even planned a fatherhood-themed costume for Genre Night.

And then, just like that, everything closed, all events were postponed or even cancelled (For the record, BRMCWC was rescheduled for mid-November—watch out, pals), and my day job was shifted to home.

So long, hopes, plans, and dreams. It was nice knowing you.

Seriously, people were suffering around the world with a terrible medical condition. My concern over releasing book during this time paled in comparison. My heart hurt for people dealing with the medical and financial ramifications.

The main thing I learned is that God is not surprised at the current state of our world. He is sovereign and still has a plan; He knew the book would be released in such a time as this. Rather than drop back and punt, I decided to pivot. God gave me a different, renewed vision of what a book release could look like in quarantine.

During that workshop last year, there was extensive talk about online book launches through various social media outlets. At the time, I thought, “Ehhh, maybe.” In April, when the book released, I thought, “Sign me up!”

Our publisher supplied us with spiffy social media memes and videos, along with a plan on how and when to share them. My co-author and I planned, filmed, and posted our own book release chat. I filmed and shared videos highlighting various stories from the book.

Holland and I realized that two more friends, Michelle Medlock-Adams and Jake McCandless (both of whom we met at BRMCWC), had books releasing the same day. I came up with the idea of hosting a “Book Release Pajama Party” through Facebook. Hey, we’re all living in our pajamas these days, so why not? It turned out to be a great time full of laughter, snacks (we all provided our own), and lively book discussion and readings. It was great fun, and something we likely would have never even thought about in normal times. I think we started a trend.

Releasing a book during a pandemic taught me the value of my “tribe.” My fellow writers, my friends, and my family have been extremely gracious and supportive—sharing information, hosting me and my co-author on blogs and podcasts, and sending messages of goodwill. God has shown Himself through the kindness of His people.

I leave you with two thoughts:

  1. Adventures in Fatherhood is available and would make a great Father’s Day gift, Mother’s Day gift, or Quarantine Boredom Buster. http://bit.ly/AdventuresInFatherhoodBook
  2. Look for my next book, Quarantine Conundrum: Releasing a Book During a Pandemic, coming soon.

That last one is just a joke. Sort of.

Carlton Hughes, represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary, wears many hats. By day, he is a professor of communication. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he serves as a children’s pastor. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer. Carlton is an empty-nesting dad and devoted husband who likes long walks on the beach, old sitcoms, and chocolate–all the chocolate. His work has been featured in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Dating Game, The Wonders of Nature, Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. His latest book is Adventures in Fatherhood, co-authored with Holland Webb.

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Writer Encouragement

Too Distracted

These days, I frequently see my social media contacts expressing the same sentiment: “I’m too distracted to write.”

In other circumstances, we might see our forced home-bound state as a perfect opportunity to write, with hours of free time to be creative. The problem is, our stress levels are high, as we try to figure out the logistics of feeding our families, staying healthy, and worrying about finding enough toilet paper!

Stress will cause distraction. Years ago, I remember sitting in the waiting area with my husband and sons while my daughter underwent brain surgery. We feared the outcome, knowing it did not look good. I remember glancing around, searching for my reading glasses. “Ben, where are my glasses?” My older son looked at me, then started to laugh. “Mom, you’re wearing them.”

Distracted. Stressed. Worried. It makes it nearly impossible to sit down and focus on writing. It’s like a self-protective mechanism in our brain, that wants us to be alert for danger, rather than spend time using our creative side.

My suggestion is to put your writing aside for at least an hour or so. Watch a funny movie. Call a friend who will uplift you. Read an entertaining book.

I just finished one of my favorite funny movies, “Bringing up Baby.” It’s an old B&W flick with Cary Grant and Kathryn Hepburn and it makes me deep laugh every time with the crazy antics involving a leopard named Baby.

A few other funny movies that I can never see enough of are “While You were Sleeping,” “Galaxy Quest,” “Money Pit,” and “The Princess Bride.” There are many more that will bring on my giggles as well.

Ever since I can remember, humor has been a great distraction for me during tough times. When my daughter was suffering from a brain tumor, we used to read aloud to her from James Herriott’s books. I highly recommend this author’s veterinarian tales from Yorkshire!

One incident that we as a family will never forget is when my mom was reading that book to my daughter. Please understand, my mom was very prim and proper. 😉 She got to a paragraph about artificial insemination of a cow. The more she read, the greater the details emerged, and the more uncomfortable Mom grew. I think I was the first in the room to snicker while trying to focus on my crocheting. Soon, the whole room was laughing with hysterics. I tried to control my laughter enough to offer to read that section to my daughter. She bravely adjusted herself higher in her chair and said, “No, I can read it.”

I can still remember it all with a huge grin, despite that tragic situation with my daughter fighting terminal cancer.

Humor is like that. It shifts our “fight or flight” thinking to a relaxed, creative state. After watching “Bringing Up Baby” today, I started to write this blog.

Even if you’re on a deadline, take a break to re-wire and relax your brain. The words may start to flow, unhindered.

Carry On. And wash your hands. 😉

Elaine Marie Cooper has two historical fiction books that released in 2019: War’s Respite (Prequel novella) and Love’s Kindling. Love’s Kindling was recently named a Finalist in the 2020 Selah Awards. It is the second book in the Dawn of America Series set in Revolutionary War Connecticut. Cooper is the award-winning author of Fields of the Fatherless and Bethany’s Calendar. Her 2016 release (Saratoga Letters) was finalist in Historical Romance in both the Selah Awards and Next Generation Indie Book Awards. She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul and HomeLife magazine. She also penned the three-book historical series, Deer Run Saga. Her upcoming release, Scarred Vessels,” is about the black soldiers in the American Revolution. Look for it in October 2020. You can visit her website/ blog at www.elainemariecooper.com

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

From Almost to Real

lighter look at a writer's life

What if you write for a website called “Almost An Author” and then you actually get a book contract? And that book is ready to be published? Are you no longer Almost An Author? Do look for a new website to write for—“Real Author Now” or something like that?

That’s the predicament I find myself in as the dream has become reality. I co-authored a book with fellow A3 writer Holland Webb, and Adventures in Fatherhood, a 60-day devotional, releases April 7 (If you’re reading this post on the day it publishes, that’s TOMORROW).

EEEK!!!!

That’s a squeal of excitement and fear. Birthing a book and getting it out there is a wild ride, and, to paraphrase, “I don’t know nothing ‘bout birthin’ no books.” But I am learning.

Having a dream is a wonderful thing, especially if it’s a God-given dream. This book represents that for me, and my co-author and I have frequently said to each other, “I can’t believe this is really happening!” I pinch myself on a regular basis.

In honor of my transition from “Almost” to “Real,” I want to share some thoughts:

  1. To make the transition, you must do the work and pay your dues. There’s no shortcut, no substitute, no magic formula.
  2. Writing the book usually comes easy, or at least it did for me when I got a deadline. We are inspired writers, aren’t we? We panic at deadlines, don’t we? I learned I am much more motivated to the butt-in-chair time when a due date is looming.
  3. Marketing is scary—but not as scary as you think. I have been taught that writers have to market, market, market themselves and build platform, platform, platform. While true, I have found that publishers are more than willing to do their part and to help with your part. My co-author and I have received nothing but support and encouragement for this piece of the process.
  4. Platform is important but ever-changing. If you have noticed, I don’t have a blog with a kajillion followers. The Pioneer Woman has no need to worry. What I do have is a loyal number of supporters on this blog and other group blogs I contribute to, as well as tons of friends on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and (shocking, I know) in person. I’m still building the platform and it’s not as rickety as before, and my publisher understands that.
  5. God is good.
  6. If you don’t give up, the dream will come true—probably not in the way you envisioned. I did not set out to be a devotional writer, but “Surprise!” God is like that.
  7. I really want you to buy a copy of the book. Or twelve.

Just kidding on that last one. Sort of.

Here’s to all of you who are still on the “Almost” path. May your journey to “Real” be focused and blessed.

Now, quit reading here and get that butt in the chair. You have writing to do!

Carlton Hughes, represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary, wears many hats. By day, he is a professor of communication. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he serves as a children’s pastor. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer. Carlton is an empty-nesting dad and devoted husband who likes long walks on the beach, old sitcoms, and chocolate–all the chocolate. His work has been featured in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Dating Game, The Wonders of Nature, Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. His latest book is Adventures in Fatherhood, co-authored with Holland Webb.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Let’s go to Camp

lighter look at a writer's life

I never went to camp as a child. For a variety of reasons, it wasn’t my thing.

Even though I was fat, I was a very picky eater. I didn’t think the camp kitchen would serve french fries, Rice-A-Roni, and peanut butter (my most popular choices) at every meal. Also, when you’re a hefty kid and tend to be the last one chosen on any team, it’s hard to keep up with the physical activities and games. To this day, I don’t know how to swim, which posed another problem for camp.

Fast forward to later in life, and I served as a camp counselor at church camp for a few years when my sons were younger. I served in this capacity until the year I turned 41. That year, I was charged with supervising 12 very active boys with no assistant—24 hours a day for four days. I had an epiphany: I “aged out” of this type of work. I went back one more time to work in the camp store, but I suffered a terrible gout attack, presumably from the delicious institutional food, thus ending my camp experience.

Or so I thought. How does this discussion relate to writing? Hold on.

I have been attending two writers conferences—Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (BRMCWC—they love consonants) and Kentucky Christian Writers Conference (KCWC—consonant lite)—for several years. While at BRMCWC last year, it hit me—writers conferences have served as my summer camp experience.

At summer camp, fast friendships develop over a short period of time. Need I say more? I have gained so many like-minded friends at writers conferences—too many to count, in fact. I love watching the relationships come together, with the “packs” of writers hanging out together in the dining room, in the coffee shop, and in the “dorm” lobby after hours. Close, lifelong bonds have been formed in those precious sites.

Summer camps generally feature enrichment activities for the campers, and, boy, do writers conferences fill that bill. In between the socializing, we do go to class every now and then to learn from the best. After all, that IS why we are there.

I will say that writers conferences top summer camp when it comes to the quality of the food, but meals are still communal activities. Meal times prove to be special times to bond, to network, and, if you’re at my table, to laugh over the silliest of things. I haven’t experienced a food fight at a writers event, but I have learned to never say never.

Considering all the similarities, I am ready for some camp time. I hope to see you at BRMCWC in May or KCWC in June, and, if there are physical activities or games, do my ego a favor and pick me first. Please?

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the soon-to-be-released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Goals . . . We Have Goals

lighter look at a writer's life

It is the dawn of a new year, even a new decade, and people are talking about goals. I guess “resolutions” are not mentioned any more, because they last until about January 15th and then are forgotten. “Goal” seems to be a better word, something to strive for over a longer period of time.

Of course, one of my yearly goals is to eat better and to lose weight. I have had varying levels of success with that one over the years, and this year is no different, considering all of the leftover holiday goodies in my kitchen cabinet. I’m doing okay right now, but the chocolate is calling my name.

Many of my friends are switching the focus to writing goals for the year. If I have seen one post on social media about writing goals, I have seen 20. Everyone is setting their goals, making their lists and checking them twice. (Yes, the Christmas stuff is still on my mind.)

What’s my writing goal for the year? I have put some thought into it, and here it is, an exclusive debut right here on A3. My writing goal for 2020 is . . . to write.

There, I said it.

It may seem overly simple, but, for me, just to put the rear in the chair and to write is what I need to do. Sure, it’s good to have goals of words per day or week, but I need to remind myself to write everyday, to establish the routine of regularly putting words on the page. It seems simple, but I work better with simple.

So avoid the chocolate and get that bottom in the chair. Let’s write!

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the soon-to-be-released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

What Do I Want To Be?

lighter look at a writer's life

As I am writing this, it is the week of Thanksgiving. I am moving. My wife and I coordinate the Operation Christmas Child Dropoff Center at our church, which means we are working the last two hours of dropoff and then delivering the last 100 shoeboxes to the regional center. Yesterday was church, shoebox collection, and a church business meeting. Poppa is tired. But blessed.

It dawned on me when I woke up this morning: A3 posts are due today!

EEEK!

What to write about, Lord? The answer was felt deep in my soul: be a blessing. I guess God knows I need simple truths spelled out for me.

When I hear the term be a blessing, I think of my dear writer friends Dee Dee and Cathy, whom I met at Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (You know, the big event with the even bigger title) years ago. My first time there, I was waiting in the cafeteria line, and the lady, Cathy, in front of me struck up a conversation. We laughed and cut up through the salad bar, the entrée choices, and the dessert bar.

I later found out, as we went our separate ways, Dee Dee asked Cathy, “How long have you known Carlton?”

She replied, “Just met him there in the cafeteria line.”

Such is our history. Since then, we have laughed our way through many a conference.

Dee Dee and Cathy began making funny videos at BRMCWC (WXYZ) years ago, calling themselves “Two Peas in a Strange Pod.” Their motto is “We just want to be a blessing.” It hit me this morning—shouldn’t that be our goal as Christian/inspirational writers?

I certainly want to people to read my pieces (come on, y’all), but I want my readers to be blessed in some way. Maybe a chuckle at my misadventures, maybe a smile from a memory I have shared, maybe a scratch on the head from thinking, “Carlton actually did that?”

I realized a long time ago that God hasn’t called me to write profound, literary masterpieces. He has called me to be a blessing by sharing the blessings He has blessed me with (Yes, I was trying to see how many times I could use the word “bless” in the same sentence).

So, continue reading here for more crazy stuff from me. And join us at BR549—I mean, BRMCWC—for the misadventures of Dee Dee, Cathy, and that wacky third pea, Carlton.

After all, we just want to be a blessing.

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the soon-to-be-released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Journal This

lighter look at a writer's life

I bought a guided journal a month ago, and I have written in it every day thereafter.

I deserve a standing ovation.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

. . .

Thanks.

I feel this way because journaling has always been a goal of mine, but I never quite “get there.” Over the years I have had fits and starts. Recently, while cleaning, I found the remnants of a journal I began five years ago. That time, I managed to chronicle about 10 days of my life over a two-month period.

Stunningly brilliant, I know.

The benefits of journaling are obvious. It helps you to establish a writing routine, it hones the writing “instrument,” it records thought and feelings and events for posterity. It certainly would have helped in remembering things when I recently co-authored a story-based devotional book, but, alas, all I had were journaling crumbs.

In the past, life has hit hard and caused me to put aside my diary aspirations. I have juggled a myriad of responsibilities, trying to keep all the balls in the air, and keeping a journal seemed to be the ball that fell every time.

My new journal is different. It asks a simple question every day, and then I write three brief (Hallelujah!) answers. So far, the questions have been thought-provoking, and it is a neat, short exercise I do every morning or in the evening when I am recovering—I mean, winding down—from work. This act has truly refreshed my soul and has gotten the “wheels turning” in my mind for future projects.

A month down, and it’s feeling good. How long will it last? Who knows? Right now, I’m enjoying the ride . . . and appreciating the applause.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two sons, Noah and Ethan, both of whom recently flew out of the nest, and a daughter-in-law, Kersyn. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas Child. He is represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary Agency. His book Adventures in Fatherhood, a 60-day devotional co-authored with Holland Webb, will release in April 2020 from Worthy/Ellie Claire.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

A Comma Here, A Comma There

lighter look at a writer's life

I spent the better part of yesterday evening, into the night, grading analysis essays. As I marked up the papers, I pondered a few things:

  1. Since I am the teacher, why did I assign such a big assignment, at such a busy time, that I would have to spend hours grading?
  2. Is there something shorter I could have students do in the future?
  3. What in the world has happened to commas?

I will deal with the first couple of items on my own, but let’s talk about that last one. Commas are an important piece of punctuation, maybe the most important one, and my teachers through the years drilled their proper usage into me. One instructor, in particular, could catch a comma splice from 10 miles away.

Now, commas seem to be in flux. Do we use the Oxford comma or not? What about a serial comma? Are the two one and the same? If I am giving a list of cereals, do I use a serial comma or a cereal comma? These questions make my head spin, and my inner copy editor is extremely stressed these days.

In the papers I graded, commas were often left out in compound sentences connected with a conjunction. I wanted to yell, “No!!” I didn’t think my wife would appreciate that, so I refrained from screaming. I stuck to marking in missing commas with my grading pen.

It may be time to return to Conjunction Junction and remember the function. Two complete thoughts? With a conjunction? Use a comma!

The main problem that gets me is use of commas toward the end of a list of items. Missing commas at that point can give a whole new (and often unintended) meaning to the message. For example, I once read this phrase in a newspaper:

“Pray for the children harmed by hardship and our ministry.”

Now, we should pray for these children, but have they really been harmed by the ministry? It’s like saying “Let’s eat grandma!” instead of “Let’s eat, grandma!”

Proof that commas, if used correctly, can make a difference in this world. Don’t make me get out my grading pen!

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two sons, Noah and Ethan, both of whom recently flew out of the nest, and a daughter-in-law, Kersyn. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas Child. He is represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary Agency. His book Adventures in Fatherhood, a 60-day devotional co-authored with Holland Webb, will release in April 2020 from Worthy/Ellie Claire.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

You Are . . .

lighter look at a writer's life

Your not going to like what I say. You might feel like pulling you’re hair out.

I am assuming you know what is wrong with those first two sentences. As a teacher, a writer, AND a regular person on social media, I see these words abused all the time.

I have a new phone (Yes, I am finally out of the dark ages. What’s next? An iPad? Flavored Cheerios?), and, any time I am typing a message like Your package came, it tries to autocorrect to You’re. The opposite is true as well. If I type You’re a nut, it autocorrects to Your.

What is this world coming to when Mr. Autocorrect is not so correct anymore? I may have to send him to his room and make him type You’re not alone with your problems one-hundred times.

I have mentioned before, I had a great English teacher in high school and college who was something of a Grammar Tyrant. He pounded proper usage into us until we wanted to cry for help. Those lessons stick with me to this day.

“Remember, you’re is a contraction for you are, while your is a possessive. When in doubt, say you are to yourself and see if it fits the sentence.”

So, if you see me mumbling to myself while I am typing, it is not senility. It is me saying you are to myself. I do the same thing with they’re, but that is a lesson for another day.

The moral of the story? Be careful with your word usage. If you already know these rules, you’re on the right track.

A final note to my readers: I appreciate you. You are great!

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two sons, Noah and Ethan, both of whom recently flew out of the nest. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child. He is represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary Agency. His book Adventures in Fatherhood, a 60-day devotional co-authored with Holland Webb, will release in April 2020 from Worthy/Ellie Claire.

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A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Don’t Quit Your Daydream

lighter look at a writer's life

I was ministered to by a bathroom cup a while back.

One day I was getting ready for work and grabbed a cup for my mouthwash. The little saying on the cup caught my eye.

“Don’t quit your daydream.”

There it was, my life story on a mini-cup.

Fourteen years ago, God gave me a dream to write for Him. I didn’t quite know what to do with that dream, but over the years I have tried to fulfill it. I have attended writers conferences, made lots of writer friends, paid for critiques, and pitched enough projects to fill a library.

Were there times I wanted to quit? ABSOLUTELY IN ALL CAPS. But God wouldn’t let me.

I had one of those “I need to quit writing” pity parties right before a writers conference earlier this year. I just wasn’t feeling it, but I prayed and prayed. God has His own sense of timing . . . and humor.

On the way home from that conference, I got a message from my agent. A legit publishing company was ready to offer me and my co-author a contract. A real contract. For an actual book. With my name on the cover.

A couple of weeks later, we signed and began writing our book . . . with a deadline of less than two months (Remember that thing about timing and humor).

It has been fourteen years, and that dream, God’s dream planted deep in my heart, is coming true. I want to pinch myself sometimes. Then I remember that deadline, so I start typing again.

It’s been a long journey, but, if there’s one thing I have learned, God is faithful. If the dream came from Him, He’ll see it through. The path will not be clear at times and you will want to quit, but just trust Him.

Don’t quit your daydream. Bathroom cups are pretty deep.


Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two sons, Noah and Ethan, both of whom recently flew out of the nest. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child. He is represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary Agency. His book Adventures in Fatherhood, a 60-day devotional co-authored with Holland Webb, will release in April 2020 from Worthy/Ellie Claire.

Categories
Writing with a Disability (Different Ability)

Laugh It Off!

After my accident, I learned one of the hardest lessons of my life. It wasn’t a new lesson, just one I failed to remember from my childhood. But this time, God had my full attention.

One morning I woke up and needed to use the bathroom, my friends told me to use the bedpan, but I was determined to be a man and use the restroom in my hospital room. They called the nurse in and I lied about my ability to walk.

After helping me put my slippers on, she carefully guided me to the bathroom door. That alone was an accomplishment for someone who had been confined to a bed for almost a month. Everything was fine until I leaned forward to reach the toilet paper.

I lost my balance and did a bellyflop onto the floor. Moments later the nurse came to check on me. She couldn’t help me up and called for help after tripping over my feet. When the male nurse finally got me back into my bed, I could hear my friends and the young woman I had been dating outside in the hall laughing.

They didn’t realize I was so embarrassed that I wanted to kill myself. It was one of the most depressing times of my life; my dreams of being a writer were crushed. How could I write missing 30% of my brain?

If I couldn’t perform normal functions, my life was over.  But then I remembered something my father told me when I was learning how to ride a bike. “Everyone falls at first. If you laugh, you’ll feel better.”

And that’s what I did, I thought about how funny it must have looked for me to be lying face down on the floor with my hospital gown around my legs and an elderly nurse lying on top of me. During those days when I was confined to my bed, I realized a lot.

  • Nobody’s perfect.
  • We all fall down in life.
  • We all make mistakes.
  • We all need help at some point.
  • Learn to accept the truth.
  • And most importantly, learn to laugh at yourself.

Laugh it off!

When I was learning how to roller skate with my older sister, I kept falling down and scraping my knees. I would just laugh hysterically.

Soon laughing became my answer for everything: falling out of a tree—I just laughed, accidentally setting firecrackers off in my hand—ha-ha.

We’ve all heard the old saying that laughter is the best medicine, there is more truth to that many of us may realize.

  1. In the brain, laughter can regulate dopamine levels and this hormone regulates a lot: mood, motivation, attention, and learning.[i]
  2. Laughter stimulates your organs by increasing intake of oxygen-rich air which stimulates our hearts, lungs, and muscles. As well as increasing endorphins released by our brains.[ii]
  3. Laughter activates and relieves stress response.[iii]
  4. Soothes tension.[iv]
  5. Improves your immune system.[v]

Keep these in mind as you write. We’ve all worked hard on writing the perfect prose for our readers, only to find errors when proofreading.

Even the latest writing programs don’t catch all errors. I can’t tell you how many times in writing my columns for this website that I proofread and run my articles through my writing software, only to find more mistakes after submitting them. And yes, there have been times I’ve seen my articles posted and still found errors.

I guess editors are human also. Earlier this year I was reading the latest book from one of my favorite authors and I began to find errors and typos in a book that had been published for almost a half year.

Even as I write this article, I chuckle to myself, because you don’t have to be legally blind or disabled like myself to make the silliest errors.

The more I spend time pursuing a writing career, the more I find myself laughing at myself on the journey. Thankfully, I’ve also learned to show myself grace.

But I’m more thankful for the grace given to me by the writers I work with; to the managing editor of Almost an Author, thank you for the grace and kindness you’ve shown me. I speak for all of us when I say; I hate to see you go.

Let It Go?

Another lesson I’ve learned over the last two decades living with a disability is learning to let go of my mistakes and shortcomings. I can stress myself out to the point of having a seizure if I worry about every mistake.

The best way for me to do this is to be humble. I’m not saying belittle ourselves, but to not think more about ourselves then we ought to. We’re still human and humans make mistakes. Humility is not fun or funny, it helps us in many ways.

  • To focus
  • Be grounded
  • Understand what we have and how to use it.
  • Know things will get better.

All those years ago I wanted to die when I was lying on the bathroom floor. But now all these years later I can look back and just laugh it off!

Martin Johnson survived a severe car accident with a (T.B.I.) Traumatic brain injury which left him legally blind and partially paralyzed on the left side. He is an award-winning Christian screenwriter who has recently finished his first Christian nonfiction book. Martin has spent the last nine years volunteering as an ambassador and promoter for Promise Keepers ministries. While speaking to local men’s ministries he shares his testimony. He explains The Jesus Paradigm and how following Jesus changes what matters most in our lives. Martin lives in a Georgia and connects with readers at Spiritual Perspectives of Da Single Guy and on Twitter at mtjohnson51.

[i]  Healthfully: https://healthfully.com/170399-effects-of-laughter-on-the-human-brain.html

[ii] https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

[iii] https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

[iv] https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

[v] https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

Categories
A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Building It Up

lighter look at a writer's life

If I have learned anything from writers conferences and other instruction, it’s that writers like me need a platform—a presence on social media, discoverability online, and a horn to toot, so to speak.

That’s all well and good. People have to know who I am, right? Don’t I need to make a name for myself?

The only problem? I am no carpenter. There are times when my platform looks splintered, downright rickety. I wouldn’t trust it to hold a person up for any length of time.

Have I mentioned I am really good at beating a metaphor into the ground?

I admire people who are good at the platform thing–those writers who blog, who post frequently on social media, and who have a knack for getting noticed. One of my goals for this year is to improve in this area, to do more to make myself more discoverable.

The other day I was having a pity party about not having a bigger platform, and I decided to listen to the new Casting Crowns album (Do we even call them albums anymore? Would it be a new release? I am so old), which I acquired a few months ago and have listened to repeatedly.

The first song that came on was “Only Jesus,” about how our only legacy that matters is Jesus and how we make Him known. The next tune was “Nobody,” my favorite, which asserts that we are all “nobodies” trying to tell people about “Somebody” Who can save their souls.

Well, knock me out with a brick, Lord! It’s not about ME–it’s about JESUS. How am I making Him known? How am I highlighting what he has done for me? Getting my name out there really means getting HIS name out there and telling HIS story in a unique way that only I can do.

So I’m getting out my hammer, nails, boards, and the like. I have some platform-building to do. My Best Friend is a carpenter, after all.

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the soon-to-be-released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

Categories
Writers Chat

Writers Chat Recap for February, Part 1

“Because talking about writing is more fun than actually doing it!”

Writers Chat, hosted by Jean Wise, Johnnie Alexander, and Bethany Jett, is the show where we talk about all things writing, by writers, and for writers!

Featuring…

The Writer’s Office: Ideas & Organization by Jean Wise

In this episode, Jean Wise leads us on a picture adventure. We get a glimpse of writers, from days gone by to the present, at their desks. Some had larges desks, while others sat at a small table. One gentleman used the tailgate of his station wagon as a desk. Many were dressed for business while a few were not. We also had an open mic time so attendees could share what their office was like, window vs no window, one screen vs multiple screens. What’s your opinion, do think writers need an office?

Watch the January 29th replay

For a look at this picture adventure and other ideas on office space, check out this week’s Show Notes and Live Chat Discussions.

Talking Comedy (While Pretending to Talk Romance)

This episode had a very special, reclusive writer, Hairlene. She poked fun at romance and was silly until her cousin, Rhonda Dragomir, who’s a writer, too, steps in to share with us the Threes of Writing Effective Comedy.

Watch the February 5th replay

For more information on the hootenanny of time had this episode, check out this week’s Show Notes and Live Chat Discussions.

Conferences We Love

Are you considering attending a writer’s conference for the first time? Perhaps you’ve been to a conference or two and are considering a change. Well, either way, this episode is for you. Our panel of six writers share their favorite conferences and give pertinent information about each. Come have look and see which conference intrigues you the most.

Watch the February 12th replay

For more specifics on the eight plus conferences discussed today, check out this week’s Show Notes and Live Chat Discussions.

JOIN US!

Writers Chat is hosted live each Tuesday for an hour starting at 10 AM CT / 11 AM ET on Zoom. Here’s the permanent Zoom room link. 

Participants mute their audio and video during the filming, then we open up the room for anyone who wishes to participate with our guests. The “After Party” is fifteen-minutes of off-the-record sharing and conversation.

Additionally, you can grow your network and add to the conversation by joining our Writers Chat Facebook Group.

Categories
A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Resolutions??

lighter look at a writer's life

Since it is the dawn of a new year, let’s discuss those dreaded resolutions. I have been resolving to lose weight for about 44 years, so we’ll move past that one.
Here are some common resolutions for writers, along with my rebuke—I mean, commentary.

  • Drink more coffee. According to the plethora of Hallmark movies about writers, we drink a lot of coffee. WAIT A MINUTE! I gave up caffeine eight months ago, so I’ll be drinking more hot chocolate.
  • Find a groovy coffee shop or diner as a place to write. Writers all over the Internet talk about how they do their best work at Starbucks, Panera, or a charming mom-and-pop place. WAIT A MINUTE! I have trouble writing in a crowd, plus I live in a small town. I know EVERYONE, so I wouldn’t get much writing done with all the conversations (Have I mentioned I love to talk?). I’ll stick to sitting on the couch with my laptop.
  • Get up really early to write. At one of my first writers conferences, I went to a workshop called “Finding Time to Write” taught by a popular author, and he shared his routine with us. He suggested we get up at 4:30 IN THE MORNING to get in a few hours of writing before the workday begins. WAIT A MINUTE! No one would want to read what I would write at 4:30 IN THE MORNING, and I am generally not functional until 9 or 10. I’ll stick to writing in the evenings, when I’m actually AWAKE and semi-coherent.

I, like most writers, have figured out what works for me. Some people may be able to bang out a bestseller at the local coffee shop early in the morning with loads of caffeine, and that’s fine. Hey, if it works, go for it! The rest of us will find the right time and place (and beverage) to do our best work.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll find something for that weight loss resolution, after I finish all of these holiday treats.

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child. He is represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary Agency.

Categories
A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Hey, you! Can you hear me?

lighter look at a writer's life

The other day in my Interpersonal Communication class, we talked about “acoustic space,” which is the distance your voice carries in a given situation. It was a lively discussion, and I came to a realization.

My acoustic space is the length of the Atlantic Seaboard. My voice is loud and proud, and people tell me my laugh is distinctive (What are they talking about, anyway? LOLOLOL). All the time, friends say, “I knew you were in the store because I heard you!” What can I say? My voice is loud! No getting around it.

I have learned to live with my booming voice and laugh, but I hope my writing voice is just as unique. In my experience, I try to write like I sound. That may be oversimplification, but it works for me.

I approach my writing voice as if I were sitting down with you over a cup of coffee (or lemonade, since I gave up caffeine awhile back). Most of the time I write humor, and, as already mentioned, I love to laugh. So, as in conversation, I am going to break out every witticism, every cliché, every funny thing I can think of to make you laugh as I try to inspire you. I’m wacky that way.

That’s my style, and I’ll stick to it as long as the Lord allows. My type of writing would not work for everyone or in every situation. Imagine if I tried to write a suspense novel. It’s funny to think about, but I believe it would be DISASTROUS if I actually attempted such a work. Not my style, not my voice. I’ll leave the suspense to authors like Ted Dekker and Brandilyn Collins, who have honed and developed their unique voices in that genre (And who probably make a lot more money from writing than I do—on second thought, maybe I should try . . .).

All in all, writing voice is about letting your personality shine on the page or on the screen. It’s quite unusual that I am such an extrovert who is also called to write, but blame God for that—He often uses the foolish to confound the wise. In person, I’m ALL CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!! I try to pull that back in my writing, but I still want to make you smile.

So grab a cup of coffee or lemonade or even water and get ready to smile for a while. Be warned: you may need earplugs if we’re together in person.

During weekdays, Carlton Hughes sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher (wah-wah wah-wah-wah) as a community college professor of communication and journalism. On Sundays and Wednesdays, you’ll find him playing games, performing songs with motions, and doing object lessons in his role as a children’s pastor. He and his wife Kathy also attempt to keep up with their two college-age boys, Noah and Ethan.

In his “spare” time, Carlton is a freelance writer who has been published in numerous books, including several recent releases from Worthy Publishing: The Wonders of Nature, So God Made a Dog, Just Breathe, Let the Earth Rejoice, and Everyday Grace for Men. He has been featured in Chicken Soup for the Soul and other publications and is represented by Cyle Young of the Hartline Agency. He contributes regularly to two writing blogs, almostanauthor.com and inspiredprompt.com. He specializes in humorous observations of everyday life, connecting those experiences with spiritual application.

Carlton loves watching classic sitcoms like I Love Lucy, eating way too much chocolate, and rooting for his favorite college and high school basketball teams. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas Child.

Categories
Mastering Middle Grade

Three Things I Wish I’d Known

Do you ever stare at one sentence until your eyes start watering? Have you had to read that one sentence a few times before the words carry less sting and begin to make more sense?

That happened to me when I opened a rejection email, skimmed the courtesy introduction part, and then reached the paragraph that started with

“I’m sorry to say I stopped reading after chapter 7.”

Ouch.

After I put some ice on my bruised ego, I decided to send the offending manuscript to some trusted reader partners.

I truly did want productive feedback. But in the dark, vain corner of my heart I sought validation. I knew my readers would review my work, love (nearly) every word, and validate  They’ll prove this agent wrong and my pride will be healed and I will send this gem back out into the world and so on and so forth and what have you.

Let me tell you what actually happened.

I got some comments back that changed the way I think about writing for middle grade. Here are the biggest three:

1) Quick starts are the best starts.

If you think you need to set the stage for eight- to twelve-year-old readers by filling the first three (or more) chapters with character and location descriptions, think again. Start in the middle of action or they will get b-o-r-e-d fast.

Think of your book as a swimming pool. Middle grade readers don’t want you to hold their hand and walk them through the shallows. Middle grade readers are eager to jump in to the action of your world. If you try to show them their way into it, they will leave. For example:

My old writing: Susie Queue was the shortest girl in her sixth grade class. She had chestnut hair and dark eyes that observed every envious look the other girls shot her way.

My new writing: Suzie stretched to retrieve her books from her top locker. She tried to ignore the girls giggling next to her and focus all her energy on not being late to class.

The first two sentences were passive, observational. We were told about Susie, but nothing really happened to pull us in. The second two sentences dropped us into action. We learned about Susie because of what she did. As she does more, we will learn more.

2) More pages, more problems (but in the best way).

Protagonists need problems to solve. If those problems are too simple, a middle grade reader at best will become bored and put the book down. At worst, they’ll get offended and tell their friends not to bother reading it because “it’s for little kids.”

Good stories have main characters who have something to gain and something to lose. Know what those are for your characters. Make sure in every scene you’re using them to move the story forward. When your characters are comfortable, your reader is probably bored.

3) Humor is your friend.

I wrote a protagonist who lost his parents, his sibling, his best friends and then his dog over the course of three chapters. It was an overly intense, emotional mess that nobody wanted to finish.

I realize that I just wrote about giving your protagonist high stake problems to solve. Keep doing that. Also, give your reader a little laugh occasionally to let them breathe. Think about the times in your life where you’ve been in a low place. Having a friend to make you smile gives you the energy and encouragement to keep going. Write that smile to give your readers the emotional breather so they are ready to turn the page.

What are some things you wish you had known when you began writing for middle grade? Anything you’re still curious about?

Kell McKinney earned a B.A. in journalism from the University of Oklahoma and an M.S. in documentary studies from the University of North Texas. She’s a part-time copywriter, double-time mom and wife, and spends every free minute writing and/or hunting for her car keys. Connect with her on Twitter @Kell_McK or kellmckinney.com.

Categories
A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Love Your Writing, But . . .

lighter look at a writer's life

The other day I got a rejection letter for a writing submission. Oh, and, by the way, the sky is blue.

Thought I would continue the thread of stating the obvious.

I have been “hacking away” at this writing thing for several years, and I have learned rejection letters are a part of the process. I do not like that part of the process, but it is there. Like a pimple or an extra pound on the scale.

Sure, I have had my share of acceptances, and I am grateful for those times when someone “got me” and my style of writing. You would think I would be used to the rejection by now and brush it off, but it still gets to me from time to time. Even Paul had a thorn but had to learn to live with it. If I were a contestant on What’s Your Thorn?, mine would be rejection letters.

Most editors/publishers try their best to be nice, interjecting something positive to lessen the blow. After all, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. So I hear.

In this spirit, I thought I would share the Top Ten Nice Phrases for Rejection Letters. Editors, publishers, and agents–take notes:

  1. Your typing is consistent.
  2. Your writing resembles Max Lucado’s, in that you both use actual words and punctuation marks.
  3. Lovely story—if only your characters were Amish . . .
  4. What a creative email tag!
  5. The Oxford Comma and the ellipsis are alive and well with you.
  6. You have clearly mastered the art of the Microsoft Word header.
  7. Lovin’ that title font!
  8. It’s a wonderful concept, but we don’t publish __________  (Fill in the blank: zombie redemption stories, Amish speculative novels, soap opera devotionals, HUMOR, etc.).
  9. It is great that you have a day job.
  10. While you have a nice platform, it needs to be larger than a two-by-four.

The medicine is going down, but it is not easy. Maybe I should get my tongue out of my cheek . . .

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the recently released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

Categories
A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

What’s an Extrovert to Do?

lighter look at a writer's life

I just returned from Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, and there was much talk about how most writers are introverts, people who prefer solitude and who are somewhat uncomfortable in big crowds.

I don’t know what they’re talking about! I am an off-the-charts extrovert, and my wife says I’ll talk to anyone. At writers conferences, I make friends standing in meal lines, waiting on group meetings, walking to classes, sitting outside . . . well, you get the picture. Writing can be hard for me for this very reason: I’d rather be cutting up with someone somewhere rather than sitting alone writing. God does, indeed, use the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.

One thing that has always fascinated me about this introvert/extrovert conundrum is Genre Night. BRMCWC (I’ll say it again—Pat, we need to buy a vowel) started this now-annual event a few years ago, and, quite frankly, I have found it a bit weird.

For those who are uninitiated, at Genre Night, writers/conference attendees dress in costume based on the type of writing they do or their current project, march across the stage, and explain their genre to the audience.

Even as an extrovert, I never thought it sounded fun. Until this year.

I had never participated in Genre Night because (1) it’s hard to dress up based on what I write (What does a humorist/freelancer/blogger/general writer-for-hire wear, anyway?) and (2) I don’t own a velvet gown, a Klingon costume, nor any authentic 18th century garb (shocking, I know).

In the lead-up to this year’s event, attendees were blowing up the conference Facebook with their dress-up plans, and one lady even offered to loan items from her costume stash. All that talk got me thinking about joining the parade, but what could I wear?

I thought of my favorite t-shirt, featuring Snoopy wearing glasses, a dress shirt and tie and holding a pencil. I like to say it’s “Joe Cool Carlton.” I spotted a wild-looking Hawaiian shirt my son got me for Christmas one year. I had been “saving” it to wear for a special occasion, so why not? But I needed something to top it off.

Sometimes being a children’s pastor comes in handy. I have a multi-colored beanie with a plastic helicopter blade on the top, held up with a pig. Perfect! I also found some googly-eyed nerd glasses for good measure.

extrovert humor writer costume extraordinaire
I knew I would have to get on stage and explain my genre, but what if . . .

As a humorist and an extrovert who needs people to notice him, I didn’t want to say, “I write humor.” Combined with my silly costume, that might get some chuckles. I’ll say it again—I WRITE HUMOR. I wanted to go for the belly laughs. We had to wear our costumes to dinner, and I got many comments and curious looks. Then, my moment came to walk onstage and explain myself.

“My name is Carlton Hughes, and I represent . . . Amish romance.” A hush fell over the crowd for a split second, as if they were thinking, What? Then, the kicker.

“I actually write humor.” The crowd exploded with laughter.

The rest of the week I met lots of people who wanted to know this crazy guy. One of the conference directors even yelled, “Amish Romance!” each time she passed me. My job as an extrovert in a sea of introverts was done. Through it all, I learned God makes us all different, giving spice to life. He needs loud people like me to entertain the quiet ones.

Now, what to do next year?

Carlton Hughes wears many hats—some serious, some goofy.

By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the soon-to-be-released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

Categories
Writing with Humor

Bob Hostettler – The Making of a Humorous Writer (And How You Can Become One Too)

Author, speaker, and overall funny man Bob Hostettler has cost me too much money. He keeps writing books. And I keep buying them. Not only because I enjoy them, but because I’m hoping to learn his secret to writing with both depth and humor.

Bob also speaks at a lot of writers conferences. Of course, I’m compelled to attend them when I see his name on the list. (He should write a book about speaking at writers conferences. I’d buy it.)

If you’d like to inspire people with a powerful message they’ll remember long after they’ve read your last line, glean from Bob’s wisdom and humor here. But first . . .

Who’s Bob?

Bob Hostetler is an award-winning author, agent, and speaker from southwestern Ohio. His 47 books, which include the award-winning Don’t Check Your Brains at the Door (co-authored with Josh McDowell) and The Bard and the Bible: A Shakespeare Devotional, have sold millions of copies. Bob is also the founding pastor of Cobblestone Community Church in Oxford, Ohio. He and his wife, the lovely Robin, have two grown children, Aubrey and Aaron, who have given them five beautiful grandchildren.

Now you know who Bob is. Here’s a glimpse into the making of this humorous writer, and how you can become one, too. 

Here’s Bob!

Jean: Hey, Bob! When did you first discover you’re funny or was it a skill you had to develop?

Bob: Wait. I’m funny? I seriously (get it?) don’t think of myself as funny. I like to laugh and I know what makes me laugh, so I guess that translates to “funny.” But I grew up with two older brothers (much, much older), and each of them has a great sense of humor, so I probably learned from them. But I do think of humor as a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it gets. That has been my experience, at least.

Jean: How does using humor help you in your writing? 

Bob: Oh, so many ways. Humor defuses tension and increases interest. It builds trust, affection, and loyalty. All of those things are critical for a writer. I think of Shakespeare, whose greatest tragedies featured his most memorable clowns and fools—the gravedigger in Hamlet and the porter in Macbeth, for example. His plays are examples of the wise and timely use of humor.

Jean: What are your favorite kinds of humor?

Bob: The funny kind. Oh, you want more than that? Okay, I admit to a fondness for puns, probably because I love words. I enjoy satire and parody. I love Steven Wright’s deadpan quips, and Jack Handey’s “Deep Thoughts.” I even find humor in the Bible, believe it or not, and hope to write about it soon.

Jean: What would you say to a writer who doesn’t think they’re funny but would like to use humor?

Bob: Three words: surprise, exaggeration, and unlikely combinations (see what I did there?). Also, consider what makes you laugh, and then try to understand why it makes you laugh. Then go and do likewise (Luke 10:37).

Jean: Who are some of your favorite humorous writers?

Bob: I guess I already started my answer by mentioning Steven Wright and Jack Handey. And Shakespeare. Feel free to tell those guys I mentioned them in the same breath as Shakespeare. Also, my friends Dennis Hensley, Liz Curtis Higgs, Rhonda Rhea, and Jim Watkins always make me laugh—sometimes even intentionally. I enjoy Steve Martin’s Twitter feed, and some others, like @LloydLegalist and @BackRowBaptist, often crack me up. More than I am already, that is.

Thanks, Bob, for a look into your life as a seriously (I got what you did there) humorous writer.

♦

Be sure to check out Bob’s website and order his books. Also, check his speaking schedule and register for a conference. In fact, you should do it right now: 

Bob Hostetler, Author, Agent, & More

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Categories
Writing with Humor

The Difference Between Comedy and Humor

The Difference Between Comedy & Humor via www.AlmostAnAuthor.com

I read a statement once that stuck with me:

All comedy has humor, but not all humor is comedy.

I liked that. Partly because, ironically, it made me laugh. But also because I had never stopped to think about the differences.

Let’s do that now.

Comedy vs. Humor

Humor is whatever makes us laugh in any situation.

Comedy is planned entertainment. Every word and action is chosen for its ability to produce a laugh.

If comedy doesn’t get a laugh, it’s not really comedy. It’s just painful.

Humor pops up out of nowhere. It’s born the moment we laugh. Before that, it was just life.

If you’re walking along a riverbank with your sweetheart, that’s life. It’s a wonderful life, but it’s still just life—until one of you trips and falls into the river. Suddenly it’s humor.

Comedy is attempted. Humor happens.

In the following Carol Burnett Show sketch featuring Tim Conway and Harvey Korman, we see both comedy and humor.

The writers of the comedy sketch carefully planned each line and action to draw the most laughter from the audience. Because of Tim Conway’s brilliant acting, they succeeded. Their attempt at comedy worked.

The humor comes in when actor Harvey Korman is incapable of staying in character and starts chuckling at Tim Conway.

Now the audience is laughing at both the comedy sketch and the humor of Harvey Korman uncontrollably cracking up during the sketch.

Comedy and Humor in Writing

Comedy writers write for the sole purpose of getting a laugh—for the reader’s sheer entertainment. Laughter is their objective.

Writers who use humor will include funny anecdotes, stories, or phrases, but their true goal is to deliver a message. Laughter is merely one of their tools.

Both the comedy writer and the writer who uses humor may write about war — not typically a funny topic — but their goals will be different.

The comedy writer writes about war to get a laugh, as with this military joke:

 The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.”

“Thank you very much, sir.”

A writer who uses humor is more likely to write about war to reinforce a point. Suppose he’s writing about the world’s increasing dependence on GPS over paper maps. He might choose to share the humorous, but true, story of when Nicaragua claimed it invaded Costa Rica by accident because of a Google Maps mistake.

For the comedy writer, laughter is the point. For the writer who uses humor, laughter reinforces the point.

Which Should You Write? Comedy or Humor?

If you choose to become a comedy writer, be funny. Always be funny. There’s little room for anything less than hilarious from a comedy writer.

And don’t trust your mama or your sweetheart to tell you if you’re funny enough for comedy. Instead, perform at a comedy club or before an objective audience. If they don’t laugh, pick a different profession. Or go to comedy school. They actually exist.

If you choose to be a writer who uses humor, your humor can fall flat and you may get away with it, depending on how flat it fell. The reader may not even realize you were trying to be funny. Whew.

Whether you choose to write humor or comedy, getting your readers to laugh is a sure way to keep them reading—at least for another line or two.

Categories
Child's Craft

May the Embarrassing Moments Arise!

We were just about to head down the aisle before my daughter’s wedding, when I reached into my bag and blindly applied some last-minute lip gloss. My daughter, the bride, looked at me in shock and said, “Mom! What happened to your lips?” I quickly found a mirror and to my horror, realized I had applied zit concealer to my lips instead of lip gloss. (In my defense, the two tubes look remarkably alike.) Laughing in embarrassment, I wiped the concealer off, applied the lip gloss and headed down the aisle, glad that my lips were no longer concealed.

Oh, and last week, my husband left the front door open for the cable guy to come in. I walked into the foyer to find a wild bird flapping around in my house. I screamed as if I’d come face to face with a lion. I called for my husband and ran to grab some brooms, as the cable guy hesitantly entered the house. My husband tried to shoo the bird out the front door. Every time the bird moved, I instinctively screamed like a little girl and hid behind my broom. This wasn’t a falcon-sized bird, not a snake, huge hairy spider, nor even a creepy looking lizard, or mouse. It was a tiny helpless bird. But I was completely useless in this situation and couldn’t help but scream and hide with every movement of that feathered creature. The cable guy was laughing. Hysterically. My hero of a husband who intelligently opened windows, successfully directed the bird to the great outdoors.

I hesitate to even mention the time I went on a first date with a guy back in my earlier years. I dressed my best to make a good first impression and wore my new sandals that I loved because I could slide across the carpet as if on ice skates. Loved them! As we entered the movie theater to pick our seats, my date moved ahead of me down the aisle and chose a row. This aisle appeared to be a slate floor and it slanted downhill towards the screen. I took one step on it and was on ice. I slid down that aisle, waved to my date as I flew on past. Horrified, I reached for a seat to slow me down. Whew. Now all I had to do was maneuver uphill a couple rows to my date. On ice. My feet were moving but I remained in place. I seriously could not ascend that slippery slope. My date joined me in that row laughing, but had to physically carry me out afterwards. Great first impression.

I can’t be the only one with embarrassing situations. Come on. Share with me. What memories come to mind that make you laugh? These are the events you need to document. This is fodder for your children’s stories, for your blogs, articles, books! These are moments that stories are built on, that add to your character’s woes, that pepper your plot with humor, that catch your reader off guard. Spend time creating a file with blips from your past. Feel free to expand upon them and exaggerate if necessary, because it’s your story. I would hesitate to use funny stories that happened to other people, even changing the names, unless you modify it enough so as not to incriminate anyone. Certainly you have enough embarrassing or funny stories from your own life.

It’s time for those embarrassing moments that you hoped would never resurface to resurface! Bring them up! You’ll be glad you did, when you need to add a little spice to your project. If nothing else, you may rekindle some lessons learned, like keeping your concealer separate from your lip gloss and only buying shoes with tread on them.

Categories
Craft Writing with Humor

Malapropisms — The Insanely Successful Yogi Berra Technique of Humor

Malapropisms - The Insanely Successful Yogi Berra Technique of Humor by Jean Wilund via www.AlmostAnAuthor.com

Malapropisms

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Say what?

A malapropism sounds more like a contagious disease than a humor technique, but it’s actually a safe and effective way to catch your reader off guard.

The late baseball catcher Yogi Berra was known as much for his malapropisms as for his skill behind the batter’s box.

A malapropism is the mistaken use of words often in place of similar-sounding ones. It can also be a nonsensical phrase — one that seems to make sense at first but leaves you scratching your head, such as these Yogi Berra malapropisms:

Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

It’s like déjà vu all over again.

Yogi created so many malapropisms they became known as Yogi-isms.

Yogi-isms have cropped up everywhere. In fact, he’s been given credit for more malapropisms than he actually created. This led him to utter one more: I didn’t really say everything I said.

He may not have said all he said, but he did say, 90% of the game is half mental, and You can observe a lot by watching.

Most Effective Malapropisms  

A malapropism is most effective is when it’s unintentional.

My 10-year-old daughter created one when she tried to quote a favorite line from the 1996 version of 101 Dalmatians.

She meant to say, “It’s not hatred that’s important. It’s the desire to annihilate.“

She accidentally said, “It’s not hatred that’s important. It’s the desire to laminate.”

Really? It’s the desire to cover in plastic? I’m still laughing over that one.

Whenever you hear a good malapropism, put it in your “Humor File.”

Feel free to add this one to your file:

My friend Carol was easy to trick and was a good sport about it. Once, when she caught on that I was tricking her, she laughed and meant to say either, “You’re teasing me,” or “You’re pulling my leg.” What came out, though, was, “You’re teasing my leg.”

Could Your Novel Use a Malapropism?

Malapropisms create not only a touch of humor, they can provide a needed comic relief in a mystery or drama. Or you could weave them throughout your entire piece and create a spoof, like the play “Murdered to Death.”

Malapropisms are also a good tool for making a character more lovable, like the animated character Dory of the movies Finding Nemo and Finding Dory .

“I suffer from short-term remembery loss.”

Malapropisms will catch your reader off guard and may hold them to the last page. Try adding some into your writing today.

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Malapropisms - The Insanely Successful Yogi Berra Technique of Humor by Jean Wilund via www.AlmostAnAuthor.comNow it’s your turn.

What are some of your favorite malapropisms?

Share them in the Condiments section at the bottom of the page. 

 

 

Categories
Craft Writing with Humor

5 Easy Steps To Make Readers Laugh Using The Absurd

Click to read 5 Easy Steps To Make Readers Laugh Using The Absurd

Ever laughed in an absurd situation or at an absurd time?

Sure you have. We’ve all done it.

Our friend trips over his feet, falls flat on his face, and instead of helping him up, we fall over laughing, lamenting we didn’t get it on video.

America’s Funniest Home Videos makes a living on our laughing when we “shouldn’t.”

They knew we’d laugh — and we do.

Why do we laugh at the absurd?

The absurd is unexpected, and the unexpected is funny. It’s that simple.

You can find more scientific answers to explain it, but that’s the bottom line.

We’ll laugh at the absurd as long as it doesn’t offend our sensibilities, such as laughing about 911. Not funny. Period.

But even in the midst of turmoil, we like to laugh. We need to laugh.

Comic relief eases pain and sadness.

The absurd makes for great humor material when done right.

Imagine laughing at a funeral. Who would do that?

The writers of the 1970’s TV series The Mary Tyler Moore Show thought it was a great idea. And it was because they did it right.

Using five easy steps, they reaped reruns of laughter even from a funeral.

5 Easy Steps to Make Your Reader Laugh Using the Absurd:

Let’s look at how the writers of The Mary Tyler Moore Show incorporated the five steps into their heralded episode Chuckles Bites the Dust.

1. Know Your Audience.

What’s funny to some may be offensive to others.

The writers of The Mary Tyler Moore Show knew their audience tuned in to watch comedy and expected absurd situations, but they never crossed the line into callousness.

Had their audience been a group of grieving parents, it would’ve fallen flat, even with a clown for a character.

2. Think of an Absurd Situation.

Absurd situations make us laugh. The more common to humanity the situation is, the wider the audience you’ll reach and the more they’ll relate, leading to bigger laughs.

A humorous situation about parenting may be funny to all, but they strike a parent’s funny bone harder.

Find a situation that’s common to the vast majority.

Death.

Then find a way to make it absurd.

The death of a clown named Chuckles, who was dressed as a peanut when an elephant tried to shell it.

You now know the premise of the Chuckles Bites the Dust episode. And you see how a common situation can suddenly become uncommon and absurd.

3. Add ridiculous timing.

Ridiculous timing can raise the absurdity to a higher level.

This step is similar to the idea in writing of building tension by thinking of the worst thing that can happen to your main character and then making it worse.

Without conflict there’s no story. Ridiculous timing increases conflict and laughter.

The writers of The Mary Tyler Moore Show raised the stakes and the laughter by placing the climax of the episode in the middle of Chuckles the clown’s funeral.

4. Place your characters smack in the middle of it.

Place your main characters into the middle of the absurdity and let them react.

If they react opposite of how the audience would expect, even better. That’s called juxtaposition, and it’s a great humor technique.

The main characters of this episode sit together at Chuckles the Clown’s funeral. Once the pastor begins the eulogy, Mary–the only character to have shown respect throughout the episode–suddenly finds the situation unbearably humorous. Despite her best efforts, she can’t contain her laughter.

5. Have fun, but don’t cross the line.

Even if some audience will laugh at anything, writers should behave with decency.

Some subjects should remain off limits as objects of humor. (Child pornography for instance.)

Other subjects need only be handled with care. (Sickness and death.)

Throughout the episode, various characters respond with appropriate sadness by the news of Chuckles the Clown’s death.

Mary consistently responds in the most appropriate manner. Thus when she loses self-control at the funeral, the audiences’ sensitivities aren’t offended.

If she’d been known to be a callous jerk, the audience wouldn’t have been surprised by her laughter and again wouldn’t have been unduly offended.

Chuckles Bites the Dust

The entire Chuckles Bites the Dust episode is a fun lesson for writers on how to use absurd situations and timing without crossing the line. The fabulous twist at the end (the juxtaposition I mentioned earlier) pulls it all together.

Watch the full episode by clicking the link above, or watch the short clip below: Laugh for Chuckles

Notice how the writers incorporated these five easy steps and made their audience laugh using absurd timing and situations:

Continue reading “5 Easy Steps To Make Readers Laugh Using The Absurd”

Categories
Craft Writing with Humor

Three Tips for Collecting a Wealth of Humorous Material

Click to read 3 Tips for Collecting a Wealth of Humorous Material (@JeanWilund)

Comedians Jerry Seinfeld and Michael Jr. may never suffer from comedic block, but those of us less endowed with a sharp wit and the skills to use them know the pain too well.

It’s hard enough to elicit a laugh, much less on a deadline.

Ensure you never get caught without the perfect line. Follow these three tips for collecting a wealth of material from which to draw:

1. Make A Note ASAP

Everyday life creates hilarious moments, but if we can’t remember them, they’re as useful as an award-winning BBQ recipe in a vegan cookbook.

How do we keep the treasure trove of humorous material from disappearing into the abyss of forgetfulness? Write it down. ASAP.

Using an old-fashioned, time-tested method, strategically scatter notepads and pens around your house, perhaps next to all your reading glasses.  

A more modern and convenient method takes advantage of the technology we carry with us everywhere — even into the restroom. Our smart phone.

On iPhone, tell Siri to “Make a note.” It’s quick and easy. Plus, whatever Siri thinks we said may wind up creating even funnier material.

Don’t feel like talking to Siri? Use a tape recorder app. Or, avoid receiving the look in public by shooting off a text or email to yourself. The text or email, sitting unopened in your phone or laptop, will also act as a reminder to transfer the story or thought into your Humor notebook.

Locking the anecdotes and one-liners into my cell phone protects memorable moments from getting booted out of my short term memory by my immediate need to remember where I parked my car.

2. Create a Humor File and Notebook

Take an old-fashioned file folder and notebook, label them, and fill them with anything that strikes you as humorous.

At least once a week print out your text messages, emails and Siri notes and drop them into the file folder or copy them into your notebook.    

As much as I love old fashioned pen and paper, I’m hooked on modern technology. The “search” function alone won me over. It makes finding a specific gem of wit easier than flipping through a thick notebook or drawer stuffed with scraps of paper.

My current favorite tool for collecting and organizing note-worthy material is Evernote. It’s available as an app and on-line, and it syncs across your devices. The free version offers all we need to keep saved information at our fingertips.

3. Write Down One Thought or Memory A Day

Form the daily habit of writing down at least one anecdote, thought, or simile into your notebook. It doesn’t have to be funny. You can work with it later and make it funny.

I keep my notebook by my bed. Each night I write at least one thing into it. Daily intentionality can become an involuntary, and helpful, habit later.

With a stash of memories, quotes, and stories within reach, half of our work is done.

Over time we’ll have gathered a wealth of  material from which to draw when a humorous line is needed, because struggling to think of a clever simile on demand is as hard as . . . as . . . oh, never mind.

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Collecting Humorous Material Pinterest