Tag: Learning from rejection

Writing with a Disability (Different Ability)

We All Fall

Twenty-four years ago, I experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life: I fell off the commode in the hospital.

When it happened, I had two choices: stay down or get up. After trying to get up on my own, I fell again. That moment is etched in my memory until I die. It is my motivation to keep pressing on.

I shouldn’t have been surprised I fell. It was only two weeks since I had part of my brain removed and only one week since I woke up from a coma. My body was weak, although my determination was on overload.

My doctors and therapists had already warned me about the difficulties and what I needed to work on, but I knew better and did things my way—the hard way. I still learned a lot during that time:

Keep learning.
Get stronger.
Stay motivated to not give up.

My reaction and history of rejection helped prepare me for disappointment. One of my early writing mentors Jerry B. Jenkins has a saying, “Writers need a thick skin.” Because the writing life can be full of disappointment and rejection. Writers must learn to take constructive criticism and not give up but get better—be prepared for the fall.

The Fall!

Nothing sucks the life out of a writer more than spending hours on the computer pouring their hearts out and creating their masterpiece, only to face rejection. It is human nature to fear rejection, failure, and falling.

The thought can trigger a fight or flight reaction that sends most writers into a panic. That’s when most writers make careless mistakes that will harm their careers. The fear of falling can sometimes do more harm than the actual fall.

By trying to avoid rejection and pain, writers can often miss opportunities to grow or achieve publication. When our dreams of overnight success are not fulfilled, our instincts kick in and many abandon their passions altogether.

The ones who make it are the ones who fall, face failure, and learn from the rejection. I enjoy hearing stories of successful writers who keep rejection letters to motivate them to keep going. Below are a few quotes I found to help writers deal with rejection:

I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career, that before developing his talent, he would be wise to develop a thick hide.
Harper Lee

Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn’t feel a part of their heart break at rejection? You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That’s my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.
Jennifer Salaiz

I tell writers to keep reading, reading, reading. Read widely and deeply. And I tell them not to give up even after getting rejection letters. And only write what you love.
Anita Diamant

Rejected pieces aren’t failures; unwritten pieces are.
Greg Daugherty

Rejection slips, or form letters, however tactfully phrased, are lacerations of the soul, if not quite inventions of the devil –but there is no way around them.
Isaac Asimov

You must keep sending work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you’re working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success -but only if you persist.
Isaac Asimov

I love my rejection slips. They show me I try.
Sylvia Plath

You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
Ray Bradbury

When I work with brain injury survivors or disabled persons, we often share our stories of recovery. We know it’s not a matter of if you will fall, but when you will fall—and what you do afterward. The choice is yours!

Make Your Choice!

We all have two options when we fall and you don’t have to have a perfect brain to know what they are—stay down our get up. Over the past 24 years, I have fallen more times than I care to admit, some publicly but most privately.

Sometimes I cry and sometimes I laugh, but in the end, I always get up and learn from my circumstances. It has shaped my perspective on life. Grieving what is lost keeps us from making the most of what we have.

This is true of the writing life, with each rejection or missed opportunity, writers can either wallow in self-pity or learn from the experience. Grow in the craft and carry on, or stay down.

I’ve seen disabled persons and writers throw in the towel and never reach their potential because they made the wrong choice. But the writers who succeed and achieve publication are the ones who tough it out and learn from their disappointments. I like to tell people a few things to keep in mind about disappointment:

Be willing to fight.
Be ready.
Be prepared.
Don’t be defeated.

Life is hard, it will knock you down, but we don’t have to stay down when we fall down.

Martin Johnson survived a severe car accident with a (T.B.I.) Traumatic brain injury which left him legally blind and partially paralyzed on the left side. He is an award-winning Christian screenwriter who has recently finished his first Christian nonfiction book. Martin has spent the last nine years volunteering as an ambassador and promoter for Promise Keepers ministries. While speaking to local men’s ministries he shares his testimony. He explains The Jesus Paradigm and how following Jesus changes what matters most in our lives. Martin lives in a Georgia and connects with readers at Spiritual Perspectives of Da Single Guy and on Twitter at mtjohnson51.

Tags encouragement for writers, Learning from rejection, persistence, rejection letter, Writing with a Disability (Different Ability)

Fantasy-Sci-Fi

A proven process for dealing with Rejection

Post author By Ted Atchley
Post date March 7, 2021
No Comments on A proven process for dealing with Rejection

The long-awaited email from the agent arrives. With a trembling hand, you open it. Polite greeting, generic praise and wham, there it is. Rejection. You drop your head to the desk.

Now what? A bevy of emotions will roil through you. You need a process to work through your emotions and make some tough decisions. Let me show my process for dealing with rejection. I’ve unfortunately gotten too much practice lately.

Stages of Grief

Now is not the time to be making decisions. That comes later. Right now, deal with the stages of grief. Rejection causes emotions like grief, and you’ll go through the same stages. You’ll start with the visceral denial. Oh god, no. Please, not again. This was going to be the one! That will give way to anger. You’ll be mad at the agent, the publishing house, your beta readers, your critique partners, random people on the Internet, and Bob from Accounting. Do not send any emails or Tweets, or make any posts on Facebook, Instagram, or whatever social media site you are on.

Next, you’ll bargain. You’ll parse every word in the email. You’ll ask your writer friends what it means. While you’re doing that, start mentally preparing for the toughest hurdle yet. The feelings of depression. That little voice that says: I’m never going to get published. I’ll never be good enough. Why am I wasting my life away at this? I should quit.

Let me say it again. Now is not the time to be making decisions. Take a break. Read a book, play a game, discover the secret to time travel. Do anything but think about your book. Those feelings will pass, you’ll reach acceptance, and you’ll remember that…

It’s all a part of the game

Every writer gets rejected. Every famous writer has a story about getting rejected dozens of times. It’s just part of the gig. We know this on an intellectual level, but somewhere along the way, we let ourselves think that we’ve hit our quota and the next query is going to be ‘the one’. In the words of Wesley from The Princess Bride, “Get used to disappointment”.

Okay, so you’ve processed through the emotions. You’ve given yourself some space and time to recover. Now, you can start making decisions, and you’ll start with the most important question of all.

Do you continue the journey or quit?

If you want to be a writer, but don’t enjoy writing and querying and marketing and publication, it’s okay to give it up. The journey from writer to author is all about the process, and there are a myriad of careers that pay off faster, and make much better money. Go back and remind yourself why you wanted to be a writer in the first place. Is that reason still enough for you to press on

To answer the question, Ask it

Andy Stanley wrote a fantastic book on how to make decisions called Ask It: The Question That Will Revolutionize How You Make Decisions. Mr. Stanley outlines a process that boils down any decision to framing it in this manner: “based on my past experience, my current life situation and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?”

Walk through those steps. Think about your past experiences. What has led you to this moment? What have you learned along the way? Think about your current life situation. Do you have kids now that didn’t when you started, or have the kids gone off to college? Finally, think about your future hopes and dreams. Where do you want to be in a year, five years, ten? What’s the next best step to get there?

Reaping the Rewards

It took 11 months after my accident before I was finally released from doctors’ care. That season was more than just recovering from a gruesome life-altering accident. It was a time when I had to adjust to my new normal.

Over 20 years later I’m still not used to it. There are times I encounter new challenges, but despite what life throws at me, I understand each challenge has its reward.

Processes to help me learn patience and how to listen.
Setbacks to make me stronger.
Rejections to grow my desire for my goal.

As I look back from this side of my recovery, the process changed me just as much as my disability has.

Regardless of how and why, here I am over two decades later walking when I’m not supposed to, eating on my own, and taking care of myself, despite what I was told by my doctors.

Actually, physically I’m in better health than a lot of people half my age. The struggles and long recovery have made me a better person. Now I get to reap the rewards of nearly a year of hard work. But, the cliché holds true, it wasn’t about the destination, but the journey to reaping the rewards.

Rewards?

The dictionary defines a reward as, “A thing given in recognition of one’s service, effort, or achievement.” Rewards are a result of hard work and take time to receive. There were times during my recovery I thought I would never get to where I wanted to be physically. Each negative result only made me want to succeed more. Failure was not an option.

Writing is a business and it works like any other business. Contracts aren’t given to just anyone with a good idea. Successful writers do the prep work and put in the time to get where they want to be. As I learned during my rehabilitation, anything worth achieving is worth fighting for, even when the struggle is unbearable.

This is especially true if we plan to reap the rewards of a long-term writing career. One of my life hacks is to mimic people who are where I want to be. This is why so many artistic fields now offer “masterclasses” to help others achieve success. Below are a few tips from successful writers.

1. Develop good habits – Most beginning writers will have to balance their writing with other responsibilities.

2. Use your limited time wisely – Before you sit down to write, think of ideas, remind yourself of where you left off in the story, or make a mental plan for what you want to accomplish during that session. Some writers strive for 2,000 words per day.

3. Network with other writers at conferences – Conferences are an invaluable help if you’re looking to network with other writers, publishers, and agents.

4. Find an agent – publishing via a traditional publishing house means you need to find a literary agent. These professionals are the gatekeepers of the publishing world.

5. Build a relationship with an editor – Editors are a hugely important part of your publishing process.¹

My recovery wouldn’t have been a success if I’d done it my way. The rewards I gained came from working together with countless therapists, nurses, and doctors. As I look back now on who I used to be and what I could do pre-accident, I am amazed at how much I learned and what more I can do now than before. Recovery, like writing, is a process—and that process changes our perspective on what matters.

Perspective?

When I was younger I thought I was indestructible and life was at my fingertips. This thinking caused me to take everything for granted. My disability humbles me and keeps me on my toes.

I can vividly remember in college wanting to be a writer, but having nothing unique to write about. I can even remember praying for inspiration to write a screenplay that would touch the world.

Since my accident, I have worked with other disabled persons and shared my story. I am also inspired to write encouraging movies about people with disabilities. My accident changed my perspective on writing and life alike.

Too many people, especially writers look at success as the goal and miss the journey. Success may never be riches and fame for most writers. Success looks different to each of us.

Writing full-time.
Traveling the world.
Huge book sales.
Or a simple byline.

In one of my favorite books on writing Jerry B. Jenkins concludes with this, “I’m living my dream as a full-time freelance novelist, writing about things I believe in and care about. And you can too. The path is crowded and the passage long, but the reward is worth it. You can write for the benefit of your soul. And you can write to reach the soul of another. Welcome to the journey.”²

For some, the journey may be the only reward they receive from a writing career, for others it may be a New York Times best-selling book. Personally, each baby step I take both in writing and in my physical recovery, I know I am reaping the rewards.

¹ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-become-a-published-author

² Jenkins, J, B 2006 (Writing For the Soul) Writers Digest Books, Page 214.

Tags Learning from rejection, learning from setbacks, Perseverance, perspective, rewards, Writing with a Disability (Different Ability)

Writing with a Disability (Different Ability)

Navigating the Nos

Covid-19 has had the world on lockdown since March and we’ve all made adjustments to our lives—life as we knew it has changed.

As the country begins to open up, it seems there are more nos than yesses. And no one is happy about it. Many are staging protests in defiance of laws and common sense. Even though these stipulations are put in place to protect us, people don’t want to listen.

In Georgia, where I live, the state was one of the first to begin reopening, much to the concern of many residents. The powers that be and impatient citizens wanted to reopen, regardless of the numbers. I believe we shouldn’t disregard our lawmakers precautions just to suit our selfish desires and needs.

Being older I’ve learned the wisdom of rolling with the punches of life.

We can’t always have what we want.
We need to learn to be flexible or else life will break us.
Patience is more than a virtue; it’s a necessity for life.

During my first days after my accident I didn’t understand these truths, but over time I learned my life had changed and being disabled was my new normal.

I heard more “nos” than “yesses”, and it depressed me. But on this side of my recovery, I understand sometimes in life the answer is just no and we need to hear it.

Navigating the Nos?

Those early days in the hospital inspired me to push myself, but there were a lot of tough times, like falling off the commode when I refused to listen to the nurses about my inability to walk.

The nurses and my friends weren’t trying to hold me back, they were trying to help me and I was too prideful to listen. When the doctors, nurses and countless specialists were telling me no, it wasn’t to discourage me, it was to protect me from hurting myself and possibly others.

After I transferred to rehab, I was walking with the therapist down a hall, and just before I entered a doorway, my neuropsychologist called out my name. In that brief moment I turned my attention towards her and accidentally walked into the doorjamb and hit my head. As I stumbled backward I hit my therapist causing her to lose her balance and almost fall. So when it came time for my review for release, my neuropsychologist refused to sign off and I was forced to remain in rehab.

Those doctors and therapists saw what I couldn’t about myself. They knew where I needed to improve even when I couldn’t see it. In my youth I resented their rules and regulations. Some two decades later, I am grateful for them.

The trained medical specialists knew what I needed more than I did. Their training and experience gave them the tools and insight to help me in many ways.

The same concept applies to the writing life. Often we writers are sure of our talents, knowledge, and stories. We want to skip the necessary steps to succeed. We want the easy route that doesn’t challenge us or help us grow in the craft.

This is part of the reason why we face rejections rather than a coveted acceptance letter. We haven’t honed our skills or heeded the advice of others who are trying to help us. Rejection letters from agents and publishers aren’t meant to discourage us, but rather to encourage us to continue to learn the craft and improve our stories.

It’s been three years since I attended my last writer’s conference. Although I didn’t get an acceptance letter, I made connections in the industry and learned more about the craft and since then I’ve tried to use what I learned. I’ve tried to be wise in how I handled the nos in my writing life.

Wisdom?

At that last conference, I made a new writer friend and we kept in contact for a few weeks. Then suddenly, when they didn’t hear what they wanted to hear, their attitude changed and bitterness set in.

As far as I know the writer no longer writes. They have dropped from social media and closed the door. It’s sad because, they had a great audience and market to write for.

What a lot of writers don’t realize is that after rejections many agents continue to follow would-be authors to see what they are doing. The wise use the rejection as motivation to get better. Others allow the rejection to make them bitter.

You have a choice, Below are a few steps you can take if you choose to become a better writer after rejection.

Continue to learn the craft.
Polish your writing.
Build your platform.
Nurture those relationships you make.

Before I was released from the rehabilitation as an outpatient, I had to spend some time in a T.L.C. (transitional living center) where I could be watched during daily activities. There I met other people with brain injuries who were struggling to deal with their nos. I spent a month there and saw many others taste victory before me. Each setback and failure only made me more determined to navigate the nos.

Tags impatience, Learning from rejection, overcoming rejection, patience, rejection

Mastering Middle Grade

Three Things I Wish I’d Known

Post author By Lisa E. Betz
Post date October 16, 2018
No Comments on Three Things I Wish I’d Known

Do you ever stare at one sentence until your eyes start watering? Have you had to read that one sentence a few times before the words carry less sting and begin to make more sense?

That happened to me when I opened a rejection email, skimmed the courtesy introduction part, and then reached the paragraph that started with

“I’m sorry to say I stopped reading after chapter 7.”

Ouch.

After I put some ice on my bruised ego, I decided to send the offending manuscript to some trusted reader partners.

I truly did want productive feedback. But in the dark, vain corner of my heart I sought validation. I knew my readers would review my work, love (nearly) every word, and validate They’ll prove this agent wrong and my pride will be healed and I will send this gem back out into the world and so on and so forth and what have you.

Let me tell you what actually happened.

I got some comments back that changed the way I think about writing for middle grade. Here are the biggest three:

1) Quick starts are the best starts.

If you think you need to set the stage for eight- to twelve-year-old readers by filling the first three (or more) chapters with character and location descriptions, think again. Start in the middle of action or they will get b-o-r-e-d fast.

Think of your book as a swimming pool. Middle grade readers don’t want you to hold their hand and walk them through the shallows. Middle grade readers are eager to jump in to the action of your world. If you try to show them their way into it, they will leave. For example:

My old writing: Susie Queue was the shortest girl in her sixth grade class. She had chestnut hair and dark eyes that observed every envious look the other girls shot her way.

My new writing: Suzie stretched to retrieve her books from her top locker. She tried to ignore the girls giggling next to her and focus all her energy on not being late to class.

The first two sentences were passive, observational. We were told about Susie, but nothing really happened to pull us in. The second two sentences dropped us into action. We learned about Susie because of what she did. As she does more, we will learn more.

2) More pages, more problems (but in the best way).

Protagonists need problems to solve. If those problems are too simple, a middle grade reader at best will become bored and put the book down. At worst, they’ll get offended and tell their friends not to bother reading it because “it’s for little kids.”

Good stories have main characters who have something to gain and something to lose. Know what those are for your characters. Make sure in every scene you’re using them to move the story forward. When your characters are comfortable, your reader is probably bored.

3) Humor is your friend.

I wrote a protagonist who lost his parents, his sibling, his best friends and then his dog over the course of three chapters. It was an overly intense, emotional mess that nobody wanted to finish.

I realize that I just wrote about giving your protagonist high stake problems to solve. Keep doing that. Also, give your reader a little laugh occasionally to let them breathe. Think about the times in your life where you’ve been in a low place. Having a friend to make you smile gives you the energy and encouragement to keep going. Write that smile to give your readers the emotional breather so they are ready to turn the page.

What are some things you wish you had known when you began writing for middle grade? Anything you’re still curious about?

Kell McKinney earned a B.A. in journalism from the University of Oklahoma and an M.S. in documentary studies from the University of North Texas. She’s a part-time copywriter, double-time mom and wife, and spends every free minute writing and/or hunting for her car keys. Connect with her on Twitter @Kell_McK or kellmckinney.com.

Tags critique, helpful feedback, humor, Learning from rejection, Middle Grade, writing advice, writing for middle grade readers

A Lighter Look at the Writer's Life

Love Your Writing, But . . .

Post author By Carlton Hughes - Lighter Look at Writer's Life
Post date July 6, 2018
4 Comments on Love Your Writing, But . . .

The other day I got a rejection letter for a writing submission. Oh, and, by the way, the sky is blue.

Thought I would continue the thread of stating the obvious.

I have been “hacking away” at this writing thing for several years, and I have learned rejection letters are a part of the process. I do not like that part of the process, but it is there. Like a pimple or an extra pound on the scale.

Sure, I have had my share of acceptances, and I am grateful for those times when someone “got me” and my style of writing. You would think I would be used to the rejection by now and brush it off, but it still gets to me from time to time. Even Paul had a thorn but had to learn to live with it. If I were a contestant on What’s Your Thorn?, mine would be rejection letters.

Most editors/publishers try their best to be nice, interjecting something positive to lessen the blow. After all, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. So I hear.

In this spirit, I thought I would share the Top Ten Nice Phrases for Rejection Letters. Editors, publishers, and agents–take notes:

Your typing is consistent.
Your writing resembles Max Lucado’s, in that you both use actual words and punctuation marks.
Lovely story—if only your characters were Amish . . .
What a creative email tag!
The Oxford Comma and the ellipsis are alive and well with you.
You have clearly mastered the art of the Microsoft Word header.
Lovin’ that title font!
It’s a wonderful concept, but we don’t publish __________ (Fill in the blank: zombie redemption stories, Amish speculative novels, soap opera devotionals, HUMOR, etc.).
It is great that you have a day job.
While you have a nice platform, it needs to be larger than a two-by-four.

The medicine is going down, but it is not easy. Maybe I should get my tongue out of my cheek . . .

Carlton Hughes wears many hats. By day, he’s a professor of communication at Southeast Kentucky Community and Technical College. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he does object lessons and songs with motions as Children’s Pastor of Lynch Church of God. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Chicken Soup for the Soul and several devotional books from Worthy Publishing—Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and the recently released Everyday Grace for Men. Carlton and his wife Kathy have two college-age sons, Noah and Ethan. He is on the planning committee for Kentucky Christian Writers Conference and is a year-round volunteer for Operation Christmas child.

Tags humor, Learning from rejection, Overcoming doubt, rejection letter, writing process

Create. Motivate. Inspire.

A Note by Any Other Name

Three days before Christmas, a delivery man turned in our driveway, honked the horn, and requested my signature. Then he presented me with a certified letter, calling out “Merry Christmas” as he drove away.

A certified letter? This wasn’t something I received every day. Or ever.

The return address was stamped with the name of a publishing house where I had submitted a work of fiction. My knees wobbled and for a moment I forgot I was standing outside in 30-degree weather without a coat or shoes. My heart beating double-time, I flew into the house and stood staring at the envelope.

Could it be? After all this time? This was shaping up to be the best Christmas ever!

Heart still skipping, palms slightly moist, I began to read:

“Thank you for your submission. Our staff has looked over your manuscript, but we have decided not to pursue publication at this time.”

Wait, what?

Confused, I studied the envelope. But it came by certified mail.

Certified. Mail.

Some writers call them no-thank-you notes. But let’s call them what they are—rejection letters. Whatever we have attempted to submit for publication has been returned with the carefully pre-penned words: Thank you for your submission, but…

It’s the “but” that gets me every time.

The words following that but tend to blur into garbled script—it doesn’t meet our needs at this time…we have decided not to pursue publication…it doesn’t fit our editorial calendar…

I thought about finding a job writing the infamous rejection letters. Let’s see…I so appreciate your courage and hard work…and believe me, this is not personal…and, um, I don’t want you to give up your dreams of publication…but…

Oh well. I guess straight-and-to-the-point is best.

My certified rejection was unique, but there have been other no-thank-you notes containing glimpses of hope, and if I hadn’t been blinded by my poor attitude, I might have recognized what they offered.

Flipping through my rejection file, I paused to read a note from several years ago. It began typically enough…Thank you for your recent submission. Unfortunately…

And several years ago, that’s where I stopped reading.

But now, I continued: Unfortunately, it is too long for our children’s book format. If you would like to rework it and resubmit we would be happy to review it again.

Wait, what? Rework it and resubmit…?

Shame washed over me as I realized what my attitude may have cost me. This publisher had given me a touch of direction, an offer to review it again.

And I had thrown away the opportunity.

I am so thankful we serve a God who redeems our mess-ups and uses them for His glory. Romans 8:28 is a verse I tend to shy away from, but its power is unmistakable. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Some of the good from my mistakes and no-thank-you notes center on the Holy Spirit’s work in my heart. Through my faltering steps, God has worked to refine me and call me into a place of deeper trust and reliance on Him. Keeping my hand in His gives me the courage to keep those submissions out there, trusting the results to His purposes.

A writer’s life is a jumble of joy and despair, elation and misery. But everything in the life of a Christian writer can be used for the glory of God.

Even a certified no-thank-you.

What is the most unique no-thank-you you have received and how can you use it to encourage other writers?

[bctt tweet=”Thankful we serve a God who redeems our mess-ups and uses them for His glory. @lthomaswrites #amwriting” username=”@A3forMe”]

[bctt tweet=”What can we learn from rejection? @lthomaswrites #amwriting” username=”@A3forMe”]

Tags Almost an Author, Create Motivate Inspire, Learning from rejection, Leigh Ann Thomas, rejection letter, Thank you for your submission