Tag: overcoming rejection

Categories
Fantasy-Sci-Fi

A proven process for dealing with Rejection

 The long-awaited email from the agent arrives. With a trembling hand, you open it. Polite greeting, generic praise and wham, there it is. Rejection. You drop your head to the desk.

Now what? A bevy of emotions will roil through you. You need a process to work through your emotions and make some tough decisions. Let me show my process for dealing with rejection. I’ve unfortunately gotten too much practice lately.

Stages of Grief

Now is not the time to be making decisions. That comes later. Right now, deal with the stages of grief. Rejection causes emotions like grief, and you’ll go through the same stages. You’ll start with the visceral denial. Oh god, no. Please, not again. This was going to be the one! That will give way to anger. You’ll be mad at the agent, the publishing house, your beta readers, your critique partners, random people on the Internet, and Bob from Accounting. Do not send any emails or Tweets, or make any posts on Facebook, Instagram, or whatever social media site you are on.

Next, you’ll bargain. You’ll parse every word in the email. You’ll ask your writer friends what it means. While you’re doing that, start mentally preparing for the toughest hurdle yet. The feelings of depression. That little voice that says: I’m never going to get published. I’ll never be good enough. Why am I wasting my life away at this? I should quit.

Let me say it again. Now is not the time to be making decisions. Take a break. Read a book, play a game, discover the secret to time travel. Do anything but think about your book. Those feelings will pass, you’ll reach acceptance, and you’ll remember that…

It’s all a part of the game

Every writer gets rejected. Every famous writer has a story about getting rejected dozens of times. It’s just part of the gig. We know this on an intellectual level, but somewhere along the way, we let ourselves think that we’ve hit our quota and the next query is going to be ‘the one’. In the words of Wesley from The Princess Bride, “Get used to disappointment”.

Okay, so you’ve processed through the emotions. You’ve given yourself some space and time to recover. Now, you can start making decisions, and you’ll start with the most important question of all.

Do you continue the journey or quit?

If you want to be a writer, but don’t enjoy writing and querying and marketing and publication, it’s okay to give it up. The journey from writer to author is all about the process, and there are a myriad of careers that pay off faster, and make much better money. Go back and remind yourself why you wanted to be a writer in the first place. Is that reason still enough for you to press on

To answer the question, Ask it

Andy Stanley wrote a fantastic book on how to make decisions called Ask It: The Question That Will Revolutionize How You Make Decisions. Mr. Stanley outlines a process that boils down any decision to framing it in this manner: “based on my past experience, my current life situation and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?”

Walk through those steps. Think about your past experiences. What has led you to this moment? What have you learned along the way? Think about your current life situation. Do you have kids now that didn’t when you started, or have the kids gone off to college? Finally, think about your future hopes and dreams. Where do you want to be in a year, five years, ten? What’s the next best step to get there?

More questions if you decide to press on

If you decide you want to continue to pursue your publication dreams, there are more questions you should ask yourself. These are inspired by a blog post from Sarah Rexford, former columnist in this very space.

Questions:

  • Am I continuing to educate myself about writing, querying, marketing, and publishing?
  • Am I looking for small wins like writing blog posts, or short stories?
  • Am I working on my brand?
  • Am I growing? How does my writing compare to a month ago? A year ago? Five years ago? 
  • Am I writing? The old axiom is still true. Writers write.

Rejection is an avoidable career marker. It means you’re putting your stuff out there. Take the time to process through your emotions and carefully decide on your next move.

Ted Atchley is a freelance writer and professional computer programmer. Whether it’s words or code, he’s always writing. Ted’s love for speculative fiction started early on with Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, and the Star Wars movies. This led to reading Marvel comics and eventually losing himself in Asimov’s Apprentice Adept and the world of Krynn (Dragonlance Chronicles). 

After blogging on his own for several years, Blizzard Watch (blizzardwatch.com) hired Ted to be a regular columnist in 2016. When the site dropped many of its columns two years later, they retained Ted as a staff writer. 

He lives in beautiful Charleston, SC with his wife and children. When not writing, you’ll find him spending time with his family, and cheering on his beloved Carolina Panthers. He’s currently revising his work-in-progress portal fantasy novel before preparing to query. 

Ted as a bi-montly newsletter which you can join here. It’s a roundup of links about writing, Star Wars, Marvel, and/or the Panthers with brief commentary from him. Think of it as a kind of ICYMI (In Case You Missed It). Eventually, you’ll see info about my his books, and even receive free short stories.

  • Twitter: @tedatchley3
  • Twitter: @honorshammer (gaming / Blizzard Watch)
Categories
Becoming an Author

Acting Techniques to Deepen Your Writing – Part 4: Career

As an actress, I’ve always been fascinated with the many ways in which the craft of acting can compare to the craft of writing. There is much that writers can learn from actors that can help us deepen characterization, tap into emotion, and break down scenes and plot.

In the previous post of this series, I shared about other ways in which writers can glean from actors apart from the craft—specifically when it comes to the approach to the writing process. Today, I’d like to share a few realizations I’ve discovered about the career of acting that writers can benefit from as well.

On Career…

1. Your style will add a spark of uniqueness to your story in a way that only you can. When casting directors receive auditions for a particular role, they don’t necessarily make their casting decisions based upon who is the “best actor” (although acting ability is certainly vital, of course); rather, they choose the actor who brings a certain life to the character. Different actors will perform the same role various ways. Because of this, actors need to focus on what they specifically can bring to the character that others cannot. Let’s learn how to apply this to our writing as well. There is a unique voice, a “life,” that only you can bring to the page. Allow that to show forth in your writing.

2. Don’t underestimate the value of training. Actors understand this value; after all, they must include this in their resumes when they submit to casting directors! It’s impressive for a casting director to see that an actor has studied with professional acting coaches. Similarly, it’s impressive for agents and editors to see that writers have devoted time (and money) into sharpening their craft. This proves that the writer is serious about the profession and helps them come across as professional rather than amateur.

3. Rejections aren’t a sign that you’re a bad writer. Serious actors must face rejection nearly every day. With the overwhelming amount of competition, it’s impossible for an actor to land every role he/she auditions for. In the writing industry, publishers and agents have no choice but to be selective, too, as they have limited available slots in their roster to fill. Let’s view rejections as an inevitable byproduct to being a professional rather than a personal offense to our craft.

4. When we detach ourselves to our writing, we leave room to grow. Actors must get accustomed with following the direction given by a director, even if this requires performing a scene in a way that differs from how they had originally rehearsed. But if the actor refuses to follow direction and sticks with the original performance, he will likely come across as both amateur and prideful. Let’s apply this same lesson to our writing. The process of receiving feedback from an editor can be painful—but let’s not cling to our words so tightly that we refuse to change and listen to constructive feedback. It’s in this process of change that we grow as a writer.

5. Great art can never be rushed. It’s crazy how, in the filmmaking industry, the shortest scenes often take the longest to film! Yet it’s often those “small moments” that make for the biggest impact. When we write, let’s not rush those small moments either. Instead, let’s take the time necessary that will allow that scene to deliver the intended response.

6. When we approach writing, let’s not aim for perfection. Rather, let’s learn as much as we can about the craft, and when it’s actually time to write that first draft, we can let go and trust our inner artist. This is what I’ve been instructed to do from my acting coach, too, and it has really helped me to avoid perfectionist paralysis and deliver my best work.

7. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. How horrible would it be if actors thought about all of their friends and family members who would someday watch their emotional scenes? They’d probably refuse to allow themselves to “go there.” As writers, we, too, must be vulnerable. Don’t worry about who may someday read your book. Stay in the moment, remembering that vulnerability is often what connects most with our audience.

That concludes our series on acting techniques! What have you learned from actors, the acting process, or the career of acting that has most served to be beneficial for you as a writer? Let me know in the comments!

Tessa Emily Hall is an award-winning author who writes inspirational yet authentic books for teens to remind them they’re not alone. She writes both fiction and devotionals for teens, including her upcoming release, LOVE YOUR SELFIE (October 2020, Ellie Claire). Her latest devotional, COFFEE SHOP DEVOS, encourages teens to pursue a personal relationship with Christ. Tessa’s passion for shedding light on clean entertainment and media for teens led her to a career as a Literary Agent at Cyle Young Literary Elite, YA Acquisitions Editor for Illuminate YA (LPC Imprint), and Founder/Editor of PursueMagazine.net. She’s guilty of making way too many lattes and never finishing her to-read list. When her fingers aren’t flying 128 WPM across the keyboard, she can be found speaking to teens, decorating art journals, and acting in Christian films. Her favorite way to procrastinate is through connecting with readers on her blog, mailing list, social media (@tessaemilyhall), and website: tessaemilyhall.com.

Categories
Writing with a Disability (Different Ability)

Navigating the Nos

Covid-19 has had the world on lockdown since March and we’ve all made adjustments to our lives—life as we knew it has changed.

As the country begins to open up, it seems there are more nos than yesses. And no one is happy about it. Many are staging protests in defiance of laws and common sense. Even though these stipulations are put in place to protect us, people don’t want to listen.

In Georgia, where I live, the state was one of the first to begin reopening, much to the concern of many residents. The powers that be and impatient citizens wanted to reopen, regardless of the numbers. I believe we shouldn’t disregard our lawmakers precautions just to suit our selfish desires and needs.

Being older I’ve learned the wisdom of rolling with the punches of life.

  • We can’t always have what we want.
  • We need to learn to be flexible or else life will break us.
  • Patience is more than a virtue; it’s a necessity for life.

During my first days after my accident I didn’t understand these truths, but over time I learned my life had changed and being disabled was my new normal.

I heard more “nos” than “yesses”, and it depressed me. But on this side of my recovery, I understand sometimes in life the answer is just no and we need to hear it.

Navigating the Nos?

Those early days in the hospital inspired me to push myself, but there were a lot of tough times, like falling off the commode when I refused to listen to the nurses about my inability to walk.

The nurses and my friends weren’t trying to hold me back, they were trying to help me and I was too prideful to listen. When the doctors, nurses and countless specialists were telling me no, it wasn’t to discourage me, it was to protect me from hurting myself and possibly others.

After I transferred to rehab, I was walking with the therapist down a hall, and just before I entered a doorway, my neuropsychologist called out my name. In that brief moment I turned my attention towards her and accidentally walked into the doorjamb and hit my head. As I stumbled backward I hit my therapist causing her to lose her balance and almost fall. So when it came time for my review for release, my neuropsychologist refused to sign off and I was forced to remain in rehab.

Those doctors and therapists saw what I couldn’t about myself. They knew where I needed to improve even when I couldn’t see it. In my youth I resented their rules and regulations. Some two decades later, I am grateful for them.

The trained medical specialists knew what I needed more than I did. Their training and experience gave them the tools and insight to help me in many ways.

The same concept applies to the writing life. Often we writers are sure of our talents, knowledge, and stories. We want to skip the necessary steps to succeed. We want the easy route that doesn’t challenge us or help us grow in the craft.

This is part of the reason why we face rejections rather than a coveted acceptance letter. We haven’t honed our skills or heeded the advice of others who are trying to help us. Rejection letters from agents and publishers aren’t meant to discourage us, but rather to encourage us to continue to learn the craft and improve our stories.

It’s been three years since I attended my last writer’s conference. Although I didn’t get an acceptance letter, I made connections in the industry and learned more about the craft and since then I’ve tried to use what I learned. I’ve tried to be wise in how I handled the nos in my writing life.

Wisdom?

At that last conference, I made a new writer friend and we kept in contact for a few weeks. Then suddenly, when they didn’t hear what they wanted to hear, their attitude changed and bitterness set in.

As far as I know the writer no longer writes. They have dropped from social media and closed the door. It’s sad because, they had a great audience and market to write for.

What a lot of writers don’t realize is that after rejections many agents continue to follow would-be authors to see what they are doing. The wise use the rejection as motivation to get better. Others allow the rejection to make them bitter.

You have a choice, Below are a few steps you can take if you choose to become a better writer after rejection.

  • Continue to learn the craft.
  • Polish your writing.
  • Build your platform.
  • Nurture those relationships you make.

Before I was released from the rehabilitation as an outpatient, I had to spend some time in a T.L.C. (transitional living center) where I could be watched during daily activities. There I met other people with brain injuries who were struggling to deal with their nos. I spent a month there and saw many others taste victory before me. Each setback and failure only made me more determined to navigate the nos.

Martin Johnson survived a severe car accident with a (T.B.I.) Traumatic brain injury which left him legally blind and partially paralyzed on the left side. He is an award-winning Christian screenwriter who has recently finished his first Christian nonfiction book. Martin has spent the last nine years volunteering as an ambassador and promoter for Promise Keepers ministries. While speaking to local men’s ministries he shares his testimony. He explains The Jesus Paradigm and how following Jesus changes what matters most in our lives. Martin lives in a Georgia and connects with readers at Spiritual Perspectives of Da Single Guy and on Twitter at mtjohnson51.

Categories
Devotions for Writers

Return and Submit

devotions

“You are the God who sees me.” ~ Hagar

Genesis 16:13 (NIV) 

Rejection. Every writer is familiar with it. It stings like a scorpion in the hot desert, which is where Hagar found herself. Her mistress, Sarai had given Hagar an assignment, but then rejected her. How many times have you turned in an article, only to receive a rejection notice? Or, no notification at all? Rejection begins to feel personal and pointed. Maybe your self-esteem plummets, too? Writers can question the worth of their words and suffer from Imposter Syndrome.

Author Valerie Young says, “A sense of belonging fosters confidence.” So, work with your writers group to build your skills and add finesse to your words. Don’t succumb to those feelings of inadequacy or let rejection define you.

What if there was another way? The angel said, “Go back and submit.” (Genesis 16:9)

What if we went back to that editor and submitted a new idea? What if we repurposed the theme into a fresh perspective and submitted it to another market?

Hagar didn’t stay stuck in the desert. The Lord opened her eyes to see the new thing He wanted to do in her life. (Genesis 21:19) God provided another way for Hagar and He can do the same for you. Then, like Hagar, you’ll agree, “God sees me!”

Exercise:

  • Are you feeling stuck? Ask the Lord to open your eyes to the underlying issue. Talk to a trusted writer friend about your findings and commit to pray together. (Galatians 6:2)
  • Hagar turned away from her son, when she thought she was inadequate to help. But her trip to the well refreshed herself and her son. Jesus is the Living Water. Let Him refresh you and others through the words you write. (John 4:13-14)
  • Are you afraid of not measuring up? Walk away from those feelings of inferiority by doing something to take your next step toward accomplishing a goal. It will give you the courage to keep going and refresh your self-esteem. (Proverbs 14:22-23)
  • Look through your contacts from magazines in print or online. Maybe it’s been a while since you emailed that editor with a query. Is there someone you can contact and offer your services? Pitch an idea and see where it leads. I did this and ended up getting one of my biggest paying jobs, yet. (Ephesians 6:7)

Stay proactive in sending out your words when you “return and submit!”

Over 140 of Sally Ferguson’s devotionals have been published in Pathways to God (Warner Press). She’s also written for Light From The Word, Chautauqua Mirror, Just Between Us, Adult Span Curriculum, Thriving Family, Upgrade with Dawn and ezinearticles.com. Prose Contest Winner at 2017 Greater Philly Christian Writers Conference.

Sally loves organizing retreats and seeing relationships blossom in time away from the daily routine. Her ebook, How to Plan a Women’s Retreat is available on Amazon. 

Sally Ferguson lives in the beautiful countryside of Jamestown, NY with her husband and her dad.

Visit Sally’s blog at www.sallyferguson.net

Categories
Writing for YA

Managing Failure

I’ve bumped into an old acquaintance again. It’s name is failure. Far too often I’ve kept company with this unwelcome guest.

Writers face rejection. It’s part of the experience. I need to remind myself of the nature of failure, and think about how to overcome the despondency it sometimes brings.

Failure is an opportunity to learn.

Growth isn’t easy.

In the midst of disappointment, it is difficult to see setbacks as opportunities. Missing the mark doesn’t feel like something to be happy about, but failure is one of the ways to learn and grow. If nothing else, the pain and suffering of failure illuminate the way not to go. It can be a gift, producing times of reflection and reevaluation, encouraging new approaches and different methods.  

Every challenge carries with it a risk of coming face to face with inadequacy, always an unpleasant proposition. But as much as failure hurts, stagnation would be unbearable.

“Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success.”


C. S. Lewis

Failure is inevitable.

The thing about failure is, it always comes up. It does not need to be on a to-do list. It just happens.

Discouragement can seep in and hinder all of the best-laid plans, but it’s good to remember that there are bound to be bumps in the road to success. These encounters are no reason to stop trying. Failure may be inevitable, but it’s not fatal. It’s not even permanent unless it is allowed to be.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”


Winston Churchill

Failure is a sign of courage.

It costs something to compete, to be vulnerable. Sometimes it costs a great deal. Be brave. Dare to dream, to create. Step outside of the comfort zone.

Failing to reach a goal only happens when risks are taken. An even bigger failure is to never try at all.

“The greatest glory and living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall.”


Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s okay to take a few moments to acknowledge the sting, as long as the setback is temporary. Get up. Try again.

There’s beauty in the persistent rising after defeat.

How do you encourage yourself after a failure? Leave a comment.

Donna Jo Stone writes YA contemporary novels about tough issues but always ends the stories with a note of hope. She blogs at donnajostone.com.