Tag: relationships

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Guest Posts

Forgiveness

Guest posts

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32 NKJV)

Sometimes I catch myself praying for God to change circumstances and behavior when what’s needed is for Him to change hearts—often my own. Negative actions and reactions, like symptoms, stem from, but may not identify the underlying problem. We need to treat the root, not the fruit, if we want true and lasting change. When God transforms hearts, the change spills out to influence circumstances and relationships.

Relationship problems arise from sin. Sin is the culprit—our own brokenness, the gap in our relationship with Christ—where we are, as opposed to where He would have us to be.

When I focus on my unmet needs to the detriment of others, I indulge in a self-serving pity party. If I want to see change, I must give Jesus the reins of my heart.

But to forgive the incessant provocations of life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning what we say in our prayers each night, ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Forgiving means wiping the slate clean, canceling the debt, and not retaliating.

I ponder. Will the tears ever stop? What if I dared to speak the words I’ve feared to utter—set them free from the captivity of silence? Would the chains of pain be broken, or would the weight of regret be too great to bear? Once let loose, I cannot call them back. “Lord…?”

God’s word reins me in.

“He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:7)

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

Oh, the power of our words, whether spoken or written, to bring harm or healing. Help me, Lord, to handle them wisely, to use them to serve even those who hurt me.

Extending forgiveness requires humility, putting aside my pride and errant emotions. It means valuing relationships and being right with God over enforcing my rights.

Life is too short, and eternity is too near to be easily offended by those I’m called to love. Keeping a record of wrongs embitters and enslaves us. The stony walls of offense I build to protect my hurting heart imprison me and keep Christ and His healing out. The sweet waters of forgiveness break through the barrier of bitterness and open the road to resolution.

As the lyrics to the spiritual goes, “It’s not my brother, not my sister, but it’s me, oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.” Rather than try to fix others (which I can’t do) I need to fix my relationship with Christ.

Other’s wrong actions toward me do not excuse my sinful reactions. While we shouldn’t enable abuse or needlessly place ourselves in toxic situations, we must extend forgiveness, even if the other person is wrong and unrepentant.

To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because Christ forgave the inexcusable in you.

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

Jesus didn’t die only for those who would accept Him. He paid the penalty for the sins of all those He knew would reject Him, too. The great I Am bore the sins of all humanity to provide forgiveness we do not deserve.

We must let go of unforgiveness if we want to receive the forgiveness Jesus offers.—We cannot hold on to both.

But forgiving is often beyond my natural ability.

To err is human, to forgive divine.

Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

It helps me when I remember people mistreat others because of what’s broken in them. When I focus on their need for healing, the injustices I receive become much easier to handle. When I pray for someone, not just for my vindication or relief, I find God gives me the heart, the grace, to forgive them. And besides, I need forgiveness too.

Jesus wants us to bring our brokenness, shortfalls, and failures to Him so He can change and imbue us with His supernatural empowerment.

Regardless of the behavior of others, if I forgive and yield to Jesus’ refining of my heart and character through the circumstances in my life, He rewards. A right heart yields a closer relationship with Jesus and His unsurpassed peace.

I’m guilty, Lord. I fail, I fall. Remember I am dust. Help me.

God’s love for humanity drove Jesus to the cross to purchase our pardon. God commands us to love and to extend grace and forgiveness to others as He does to us. When I set my heart and mind to love and serve others as Jesus calls me to, even if it is unrequited, He fulfills me.

When we let Jesus overhaul our inward man, the core of who we are, many of our relationship problems resolve themselves. He is defender and restorer. We encounter struggles, pitfalls, and pain in life’s journey, but Scripture promises that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) And the most important good is Christ formed in us. He is the Master Builder. There is joy and contentment when I focus on Jesus, rest my heart in His hands, and walk in His ways.

—————

The above is in response to requests to share the devotion mentioned in my article, The Absent Author.

Rachel M. Colby has a heart for reconciliation and a passion to uplift those who serve in tough places. She writes to connect cultures’ questions with Christianity’s answers, inspire faith, and motivate.

Rachael’s work has appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul, the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference Blog, online publications,compilation books, and the Oak Ridger newspaper.

This Jamaican-born multi-genre award-winning writer, wife, and mom resides in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. She runs on chocolate and a lotta “Help me, Jesus.”

Website: TattooItOnYourHeart.com Twitter: @RachaelColby7  Facebook: Rachael M Colby  Instagram: Rachael M Colby

Categories
Romancing Your Story

Does Romance Really Mean “Happily Ever After”?

As a little girl I was enthralled with the classic Disney tales of princesses finding their “Prince Charming” and living happily ever after—Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty. As a teenager I devoured Harlequin romance books and larger romance novels, each ending with the man and woman madly in love and the assumption that they lived “happily ever after”.

Therefore, like most girls, I dreamed of finding and falling in love with an incredibly romantic man, marrying, and living happily ever after. Now let’s pause a moment here to talk about what this idea of “happily ever after” is. When you watch the Disney princess movies or read the romance novels, there may or may not be any real tensions or problems between the man and woman that have to be worked through for them to continue having a “happy” relationship. Often, their relationship appears perfect—not a care or problem in the world. Is this idea of “happily ever after” realistic? Of course not.

Are we doing our readers a disservice if we paint this kind of perfect romance? My opinion is “yes”. I remember being quite upset when I realized that Disney princesses’ “happily ever after” doesn’t exist in the real world. To achieve happily ever after requires hard work from both the man and woman in the relationship because men and women are different. God created them to think, feel, and communicate differently, and that can present struggles and problems they must learn to talk about and work through in order to have a “happily ever after”.

Will including such problems in our romance stories, even before marriage, make our stories less, or lose readers? I think, by showing characters that face real-life struggles, our stories become richer and more relatable. Depending on how you choose to show how your characters work out such struggles, you may even be helping your reader with a struggle in their own relationship by showing them a possible solution they may not have thought about. Including such problems in our characters’ relationships can not only make our characters stronger, but strengthen the story as a whole.

As a romance writer, I have had several ladies say to me, “Why are the relationships in romance stories always so perfect? Why do they have to always have a happy ending? Real life isn’t like that. Just once I’d like to read a story that doesn’t end with “happily ever after”.

Does that mean you have to end your romance novel without a wedding or the happy couple walking into the sunset hand-in-hand? Not necessarily, but it could offer you a new option for some good tension or conflict in your novel. Or maybe, the boy doesn’t get the girl the reader thought he’d get at the beginning of the book. Maybe, he finds one that’s a better match, showing that not every relationship works out or ends in marriage.

Readers may find such a story refreshing.

Kelly F. Barr lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. She is married and has three sons. She writes historical romance. She has also been a blogger for ten years, and every Friday, you can find her Flash Fiction stories posted for your reading pleasure. She loves her family, including the family dog, books, walks, and chai lattes.

You can find her online at:

Website: https://kellyfbarr.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kellyb_26

Facebook: Kelly F. Barr, Writer

Categories
My Writing Journey

Writing Like a “Tommy”

My writer’s journey began at age eight when I felt compelled to write a story about a turtle. For reasons that escape me today, I chose not to ask my mother, a voracious reader, how to spell “turtle.” I decided instead to research the correct spelling on my own. This was long before Google. In those days, massive tomes, brimming with facts, gave us answers.

My family owned a dictionary, but did I reach for it? Of course not. I was eight. I turned instead to a more familiar informational source: a coloring book that featured a turtle on one of the pages. As I recall, he stood upright on his hind legs (as cartoon turtles are wont to do) with a dreamy look on his face and a multi-layered sandwich in one “hand.” The caption that accompanied the illustration mentioned his lunch. It also included a word that began with the letter “T.”

To my eight-year-old mind, that T-word had to be “turtle.” What else could it represent? A turtle holding a sandwich stood prominently on the page, and “sandwich” starts with the letter “S.” With that information in hand, I penned my story. The author of the coloring book, however, played a cruel trick on me. The actual caption read, “Tommy enjoys his big sandwich.” That’s right. The first story I ever wrote was about a “tommy.” (What is a “tommy” you might ask? All I can say is it looks suspiciously like a cartoon turtle.) When my mistake was brought to my attention I felt mortified. A lesser author might have given it up and gone outside to play. I couldn’t. I had another reason for writing. I needed to feel I had some control over my life.

I grew up, as many of us have, with an alcoholic father. Dad also came from a generation that believed if the man provided for his family with a roof, clothes and food, he had done his job. Nothing more was required. Research today disagrees.

My two siblings and I chose different ways of coping with our dysfunctional family. My older sister withdrew. My younger brother acted out. I, the middle child, yearned. I yearned to be cherished by a father. I yearned to find order out of chaos.

The Greatest Father of all found me, heard and answered my prayer in the most subtle of ways. He whispered into my child’s ear, “Write.” So I did.

As the years passed I kept at my craft. Loving father/daughter relationships became a common theme in my writing. My middle grade novel, I Almost Love You, Eddie Clegg, published by Peachtree Publishers, features a thirteen-year-old protagonist who develops a father/daughter relationship with her stepfather. Currently, I’m working on a novella for an adult audience with an unorthodox father/daughter relationship between unrelated characters that help each other overcome separate traumas.

When I needed a loving father, the one from above gave me the gift of creativity. It is my hope to honor His name with future writing endeavors.

Aud Supplee is a dialog-loving writer and avid reader. Life, laughter and love give her writing inspiration. She enjoys running slides at her church, horses, jogging and yoga. While conquering a fear of horses, she wrote about the Power of W.H.O.A. (Widen your comfort zone; Harness your inner strength; Open up to new opportunities; Achieve your dreams). You can find her on Facebook and Instagram. Her website is under reconstruction and a blog is forthcoming.