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The Picky Pen

Varying Sentence Structure

Do all of your sentences begin with “I,“ “we,” or a proper noun? Do all of them start with the word “the?” If so, this is a must-read for you. Writing that consists of simple sentences can seem very monotonous to readers and does not keep them engaged. You want there to be a flow to your passage. You do NOT want the reader to struggle getting through it, stopping and starting abruptly. Below are three key sentence variation strategies for bringing your passage from uninteresting to attention-grabbing.

Ways to vary sentence structure:

1.    Sentence Style/Structure

When it comes to sentence style and structure, I am mostly referring to the order of sentence elements. Although sentences should follow the basic sentence structure, they do not always have to be written in the order of subject, verb, and then object. We vary the way we speak, so we should do the same when we write. Sentence style and structure also pertains to the way phrases or clauses are combined. Playing with sentence order by adding, changing, or combining various elements can add pizzazz to a story.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Changing the subject
  • Starting a sentence with an adverb
  • Starting a sentence with a prepositional phrase
  • Starting a sentence with a transition word or phrase
  • Using compound sentences (two independent clauses tied together with a coordinating conjunction)
  • Using complex sentences (sentences with a dependent and an independent clause)
  • Using compound-complex sentences (sentences that contain multiple independent clauses and at least one dependent clause)
  • Adding prepositional phrases

Here is an example:

  • She waited for the bus. She got on the bus. There were no seats.  For the first sentence, try starting with an adverb and changing the subject. Then add a dependent clause to the second sentence and combine it with the third sentence with a coordinating conjunction to make a complex-compound sentence. Notice how much more interesting it becomes.
  • Patiently, Camille waited for the bus. When it arrived, she got on the bus, but there were no seats.  Varying sentence style and structure can help keep your passage from sounding repetitive. It is very similar to word choice. If you use the same words or the same sentence structure throughout your story, readers quickly become bored, no matter what the topic may be.

2.    Sentence Length

Variety can also be as simple as using both short and long sentences throughout the passage. If a story consists of only brief sentences, there is no rhythm or flow. When there is a mix of both, it creates a rhythm that makes it much easier for the reader to follow. It allows for better comprehension, as well.  You can use short sentences to make a specific point, and longer sentences can go into more detail regarding the subject.

Read this paragraph consisting of only simple sentences. What do you notice?

My alarm did not go off this morning. I missed the train. I got to work late. My coffee spilled all over my blouse. I did not have anything to change into. The prospective employee was already waiting for me. It was embarrassing. Some of the interview questions were about punctuality and professional appearance. I hired the person on the spot. What a day!

Combine some of the sentences or lengthen them by adding transition words or phrases, and leave others short. You can see how this adds emphasis to the short sentences. It also adds to the flow and gives the paragraph somewhat of a rhythm.

My alarm did not go off this morning. Consequently, I missed the train and got to work late. Then, my coffee spilled all over my blouse, and I did not have anything to change into. The prospective employee was already waiting for me. Needless to say, it was embarrassing because some of the interview questions were about punctuality and professional appearance. I hired the person on the spot. What a day!

Be very careful, though, when creating compound and complex sentences. You want to ensure that that you are not using run-on sentences, as this will also make it difficult for the reader to follow.

3.    Sentence Type

Do you want to add a little more variety? Try changing the types of sentences that you use. You can use declarative, interrogative, and exclamatory sentences all in one passage. See how easy it is!

Use exclamatory sentences to add urgency or excitement. Interrogative sentences can help to organize a passage but can also help to engage the reader. They are a great way to clue the reader in on what the next section will be discussing.

When your passage contains sentences that vary in structure, length, and type, it tends to have a better flow. Additionally, it adds a tone or voice to your writing. They must, however, still be grammatically correct. It is always a good idea to have someone else read your writing. Reading it out loud is especially helpful, as well. These are very helpful ways to catch mistakes before your writing is out in the world.

And what does all this lead to? In case you didn’t already guess—It leads to readers who want to keep reading!

Heather Malone

Heather Malone writes children’s books that focus mainly on Montessori education, special education, and nonfiction. She also dabbles in fiction. Her nonfiction book, Montessori from A to Z, was published in 2023, and her blog on homeschooling students with disabilities using the Montessori method can be viewed at spedmontessorisolutions.com. Her passion is education, which is evidenced by spending over twenty-five years in the field before leaving the classroom to now provide technical assistance to school districts. She lives with her husband and son in Ohio and enjoys traveling to new places in her free time.

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The Picky Pen

Considering Word Choice

Previously, we talked about the need to vary sentence structure to keep your writing from sounding repetitive. In that article, I compared it to word choice. This month, we are going to discuss how to avoid sounding like you are a writer with a limited vocabulary. Go on, break out those words you learned in English class! I remember filling out the numerous pages of activities in those vocabulary books we had in high school, but to be honest, the thesaurus was really my best friend in college. These days, finding replacement words is as easy as highlighting, right-clicking, and going to the built-in thesaurus in Microsoft Word.

There is more to word choice than just not sounding repetitive, though. Choosing the right word depends on several factors.

Questions to ask yourself when considering word choice:

1.    Who is your audience?

The words you choose should be appropriate for the intended audience. If your writing is informational, you are probably aiming at a specific audience; therefore, you will most likely be using technical jargon that those readers will already be familiar with. On the other hand, if you are aiming at the masses, you will use more commonly known words. Your choice of words is obviously going to be quite different if you are writing a piece such as a textbook than it would if you were writing a children’s picture book.

2.    Are your words specific enough for the reader to develop a clear picture?

Be descriptive. This can range from using a specific word to communicate meaning to using figurative language to make your writing more relatable to the reader.

Here are some examples to get you started.

·       Verbs

If you consistently use the word “said” when writing your dialogue, it begins to sound bland. Changing “said” to “squawked,” “bellowed,” or “sighed” lets the reader “hear” the tone being used, as well as envision the speaker’s body language. With a well-chosen verb, you may not even need an adverb, as it provides a visual description without it.

·       Subjects

The same subject in every sentence, such as a character, referring to an author, or using the same pronoun can quickly bore a reader. To keep the reader’s attention, you may want to use a transition phrase or place the dependent clause at the beginning of the sentence.

·       Similes and Metaphors

Use similes and metaphors to engage the senses when describing a scene. This allows the reader to activate prior experiences in order to understand what you are trying to convey. Experiences help the reader to create a vivid image, smell, feeling, or other sense in their mind.

·       Details

I am sure you are probably familiar with the phrase “It’s all in the details.” Well, that is exactly what we are talking about here. Those details are extremely important if you expect to have engaged readers that will return to your writing again and again. The reader does not want to know that the main character ate a hamburger. Instead, the reader wants to be able to visualize tasting that hamburger himself. It is not enough to say that you are standing in front of a mountain. Many people have never seen a mountain, so you need to paint a picture for that reader with sights and smells that they may already be familiar with.

3.    Is your passage too wordy?

I know, you are probably thinking that I just told you in the last section to be descriptive. Obviously, being descriptive often involves using lots of words, but not always. Sometimes, it is just best to be direct. This partially depends on your audience. If you are trying to inform readers who do not have prior knowledge of a subject, you may want to provide more specificity. On the other hand, you might not want to provide so much as to confuse the reader or make them lose interest. If you are writing to a group that is already well-informed on the subject, it may be best to be direct but use more technical jargon. There is a delicate balance to writing that can sometimes be difficult to navigate.

4.    Do your words fit the style and tone of your piece?

The tone of your writing serves to illustrate your emotional position, or feeling, regarding the subject you are writing about. Your word choice, the punctuation you use, and even sentence structure within your piece all convey what we call tone.

The two main types of tone are formal and informal.

·       Formal

Formal writing is typically used for academic purposes or other professional works. This tone is considered informational, or nonfiction. In this type of work, the writing is straightforward and full of facts. Sentences are grammatically correct, including no use of contractions.

·       Informal

Informal writing often sounds conversational and sometimes contains dialogue. Contractions can be used and the writer conveys more emotion.

Beyond being formal or informal, the tone of your writing can be just about any feeling there is.

Examples: angry, excited, friendly, worried, curious, humorous, cold

What tone do you think this piece has?

Word choice can be very difficult. Even if you are not sure which word to use during your initial version, you can (and should) edit and change words when you are done to make the piece flow well. Cut needless words so that your piece does not appear too wordy. Every word kept should express precisely what you want to communicate and should be needed in order to tell a part of the story.

Heather Malone

Heather Malone writes children’s books that focus mainly on Montessori education, special education, and nonfiction. She also dabbles in fiction. Her nonfiction book, Montessori from A to Z, was published in 2023, and her blog on homeschooling students with disabilities using the Montessori method can be viewed at spedmontessorisolutions.com. Her passion is education, which is evidenced by spending over twenty-five years in the field before leaving the classroom to now provide technical assistance to school districts. She lives with her husband and son in Ohio and enjoys traveling to new places in her free time.

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The Picky Pen

Use of Transition Words or Phrases

Do all of your sentences sound similar, or are you having difficulty transitioning from one scene to the next? A reader needs to be able to easily follow along and will quickly lose interest if this does not happen. Editing can be frustrating, but it is crucial to your success as an author, so after you get your thoughts down on paper (or digitally, nowadays) you need to go back to be sure that there is a good flow to your thoughts. Transition words are an easy way to add variety to your sentences and at the same time make your story sound more interesting. There are three main ways to use transition words, which I will illustrate below.

Ways to Use Transition Words or Phrases:

1.  At the beginning of a sentence

Many times, transition words or phrases are used at the beginning of a sentence and are followed by a comma. This informs the reader of what they should do with the upcoming information, such as signaling a change in topic or that an example will follow.

Below is an example of a paragraph that does not use transition words. Note that it sounds choppy, and the relationship of the information is not very clear.

He made it back home with dinner. He and his wife shared a quick but lovely dinner, as his wife always seemed to be famished since discovering she was eating for two. They sat out on the patio and leaned back in their chaise lounges. They gazed up at the full moon and chatted until they were both sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.

If we add some transition words, the paragraph reads more smoothly and the relationship of the information becomes clearer.

Finally, he made it back with dinner. Next, he and his wife shared a quick but lovely dinner, as his wife always seemed to be famished since discovering she was eating for two. Afterward, they sat out on the patio and leaned back in their chaise lounges. Then, they gazed up at the full moon and chatted until they were both sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.

2.  At the beginning of a clause

Transition words do not always have to be at the beginning of a sentence. Sometimes, they can be better used in the middle of a sentence when joining two clauses. The transition word could be at the beginning of dependent or independent clauses. Again, this also adds a little bit more variety to your writing.

Here are a couple of examples of independent clauses that seem very short and uninteresting.

The two teenagers wanted to go to the fair. Neither one of them had a car.

This could be dangerous territory. Businesses should err on the side of caution.

When the sentences are joined with transition words, they become much more interesting to read.

The two teenagers wanted to go to the fair, although neither one of them had a car.

This could be dangerous territory; therefore, businesses should err on the side of caution.

Now, here is an example of an independent clause joined to a dependent clause by a transition word acting as a subordinating conjunction.

We are required to wear black or blue pants since we are employed there.

3.    At the beginning of a paragraph

One of the best uses of transition words is to insert them at the beginning of a paragraph. Try reading the following two paragraphs. You may observe that there seems to be an abrupt switch to a contrasting opinion in the second paragraph.

The use of social media for recruitment of new teachers provides many advantages for school districts. Open positions can be posted on various platforms of social media. Many districts have formed local consortiums where they can post open positions and a candidate can submit an application to be kept on file for use in any position posted on the site. Districts also have the option of posting available positions on the district Facebook page or the district website.

There are also drawbacks to using social media for recruiting. Not everyone uses social media; therefore, older candidates or those with low socioeconomic status might not be aware of the posting even though they may be a perfect fit for the job. People from other areas of the country may not know which sites to access, as well.

In order to better connect your ideas, try adding transition words or phrases at the beginning of some of your paragraphs. Read the same paragraphs below and pay attention to the differences. With the transition word used in the second paragraph, there is a much better flow to the passage. Notice also that transition words can have different purposes, such as referencing or to contradict.

In regard to the use of social media for recruitment of new teachers, it provides many advantages for school districts. Open positions can be posted on various platforms of social media. Many districts have formed local consortiums where they can post open positions and a candidate can submit an application to be kept on file for use in any position posted on the site. Districts also have the option of posting available positions on the district Facebook page or the district website.

In contrast, there are also drawbacks to using social media for recruiting. Not everyone uses social media; therefore, older candidates or those with low socioeconomic status might not be aware of the posting even though they may be a perfect fit for the job. People from other areas of the country may not know which sites to access, as well.

There are so many transition words and phrases to choose from! This is one of the aspects that makes writing so fun. You can experiment with various options and see which one speaks to you more. While the use of transition words and phrases makes your writing clearer and more cohesive, be sure not to overuse them. Too many can make a story sound repetitive and wordy. Additionally, it may be distracting to the reader so much so that your passage becomes difficult to read or understand.

I hope you enjoyed this introduction to transition words and phrases.

Happy writing!

Heather Malone writes children’s books that focus mainly on Montessori education, special education, and nonfiction. She also dabbles in fiction. Her nonfiction book, Montessori from A to Z, was published in 2023, and her blog on homeschooling students with disabilities using the Montessori method can be viewed at spedmontessorisolutions.com. Her passion is education, which is evidenced by spending over twenty-five years in the field before leaving the classroom to now provide technical assistance to school districts. She lives with her husband and son in Ohio and enjoys traveling to new places in her free time.

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The Picky Pen

How to Take an Editing Break

In light of conference season coming to a close, I thought I’d take a moment and deviate from my normal self-editing blog post style and chat about a topic that I’ve been hearing a lot of writers discussing recently.

Continue reading “How to Take an Editing Break”
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The Picky Pen

Editing the Scene by Tisha Martin

When I first started writing back in the dark ages, my scenes were terrible. I didn’t have anything for my readers to look at.

No alluring sunset that reminded the reader of a mixed bag of Starburst, no grassy knoll within the confines of a wooden fence, and certainly no Paint horses with ears pricked forward in earnestness at what they saw.

Setting the scene for your writing requires more than asking six general journalism questions (5 W’s and H).

Accurately setting the scene requires three things:

  1. Try to Visit the Area You’re Writing About

If you’re writing about a space abduction, then obviously you are free to use your imagination. But if you’re writing historical or contemporary fiction or memoirs, then accuracy is key. Perhaps you may need to visit the location or setting you’re writing about in your story.

A few years ago, I wrote a short story that finaled in a college commencement contest. In “Puddle of Remorse,” a WWII story set on the American home front, my character was going through the process of canning tomatoes in her farmhouse kitchen. Since I grew up on a farm and canned salsa every summer, I knew the surroundings for the setting I was describing. And for the contest, I scored huge points in the accuracy department because I was familiar with the scene’s surroundings and the location.

The scenes I’m working on now requires much more research because I am not familiar with the location, a polio ward in a hospital in 1943. There’s a trip to my computer desk to search Pinterest and Google for images that suit my setting. Youtube is also a great resource if you’re not able to travel, or if you need visual research for historical details, settings, and places.

What’s even better than Pinterest and Google are the Historical Societies in the area you’re writing about. I contacted my local Historical Society and in just a few questions, I gathered way more information than I needed (which, by the way, is also perfect for future author interviews, blog posts, and making connections with readers who love those little details you had to leave out in your story).

  1. Talk to the Locals

Sometimes a quick chat with a local can lead to a lot of helpful information. As writers, it may be out-of-character to step out of the introvert zone and ask a question or start a conversation, but if you take a deep breath and do it, you’ll find it super rewarding. All it takes is walking up to a local, asking one question, and letting them talk the rest of the time! (I’ve had it happen!)

People like to talk about what they know, and it’s so much fun to listen.

For my hospital scene, I took a trip to Facebook and jumped on the post-polio group that I belong to and asked a bunch of questions. Pleasantly, I received a lot of helpful and detailed information for what I’m trying to describe. And, I’m thoroughly excited for the scenes I have the privilege of rewriting!

  1. Take Photos of Everything

Even if you don’t like to take pictures—which I can’t imagine writers not liking—bring your camera anyway. You never know what you might find that will help give you a visual image of what you’re writing about. (A specific chair that you want to incorporate into the kitchen, or a restaurant that has the perfect table setting for your character’s first date.) And you can even print out the photo and prop it up at your computer desk for inspiration.

Also, if you have access to grandpa’s or grandma’s family photos, this is gold for you. I have a few photos from my heritage, and I love squinting at the black-and-white photos to get a taste for how to describe what my Great Aunt Icy (yes, that was her name) wore, or how to describe Great Uncle Oscar’s horse racing cart. Tangible is always good. Pinterest is also another great resource—you can become a digital hoarder of so many photos and no one will ever know. (I have a few boards of my own. . .)

Over the years I’ve learned a few things about setting each of my scenes. However, I am not a perfect writer and must go back and edit to make sure each chapter begins with my main character and describes what she sees, and that gives readers something with which to resonate with and enjoy.

So, pull up your current trouble-child scene in Word or whatever platform you use, and happy scene writing and making every scene well worth the reader’s and character’s journey.

Discussion: How do you start your story scenes?

Owner of TM Editorial, Tisha Martin specializes in historical fiction, academic editing, and creative nonfiction. An active member of American Christian Fiction Writers and The Christian PEN, she appreciates the writing and editing communities. By being a writer and an editor, she’s tickled to have the best of both worlds. Tisha is editor and proofreader for beginning and best-selling writers, professional editing agencies, and publishing houses. As Assistant Director of PENCON, a conference for editors, she enjoys organizing the conference, networking, and sharing news on PENCON’s Facebook Page. Connect with Tisha on Facebook, Instagram, or follow her Pinterest board for writers and editors.

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The Picky Pen

Editing the Beginning By Tisha Martin

With my cursor at Chapter 1 in my WWII historical fiction novel, I hit Ctrl+Enter and sighed. Beginning a book all over again wasn’t what I had in mind. I liked this chapter. I mean, really liked it, even though everyone else said it wasn’t quite right. Forever, why? Why must I abandon these pages and start fresh, like erasing a favorite drawing of a flower but one petal was lopsided.

Two contests, a writing conference, and two agents later, my intuition solidified into a clear direction of where this chapter needed to begin. None of the critics’ comments were overly negative, and most of them enjoyed the few chapters I had submitted. But my first chapter lacked … heart, GPC (goal, problem, care), and solid reasons why things were happening the very moment the story began.

Beginnings

How many of you have revisited this elusive beginning, struggling to create a first chapter that pops! off the page?

I’ve always struggled to write beginnings. I’m sure I’m not the only one—and there are writers who dislike middles and endings, too.

Who are these characters, what is their goal and problem, and why do you want readers to care?

In addition to Goal, Problem, and Care, here are three things I learned about editing the first chapter that helped me introduce the GPC:

  1. Introduce main characters and continuing action early in the first page.Your readers must have a reason to continue to the second and third page and eventually the last page in as few sittings as possible. Maybe your character is afraid to drive over a bridge but must because her boyfriend sent her on a scavenger hunt, or perhaps your character must capture a rattlesnake because his friend dared him. Your first page should pop! with action that includes a huge goal with a problem your main characters must overcome by the book’s end.
  2. Give your characters lively dialogue.You want your readers to laugh and relate with your characters. The old “How are you?” “I’m fine, how are you?” type of dialogue doesn’t work anymore.
  3. Don’t overwrite.Simple is always best. Make Strunk and White proud of you!

Simple writing is sometimes hard for me because I love to describe things; however, too much is not good and hurts your writing and may frustrate your readers. I love reading Anne of Green Gables, but I have a hard time staying engaged with the verbose descriptions; in Ms. Montgomery’s defense, her readers enjoyed lengthy descriptions. Today’s readers want a quick read they can enjoy.

After taking an honest and humble look at my first chapter based on the judges’ and agents’ comments, I’m glad I started over. I spent a few days pounding out a new first chapter, and it’s stronger because I’ve given my characters a goal to look forward to, a problem that stands in their way, and my readers something to care about.

Now, excuse me while I edit this post to ensure I’ve engaged you, helped you relate, and caused you to want to continue reading it.

Discussion: What is your WIP’s first chapter about? Can you describe it in Goal, Problem, and Care?

Bio:

Owner of TM Editorial, Tisha Martin specializes in historical fiction, academic editing, and creative nonfiction. An active member of American Christian Fiction Writers and The Christian PEN, she appreciates the writing and editing communities. Tisha is editor and proofreader for beginning and best-selling writers, professional editing agencies, and publishing houses. As Assistant Director of PENCON, a conference for editors, she enjoys organizing the conference, networking, and sharing news on PENCON’s Facebook Page. Connect with Tisha on Facebook, Instagram, or follow her Pinterest board for writers and editors.