Tag: Transitions

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The Picky Pen

Use of Transition Words or Phrases

Do all of your sentences sound similar, or are you having difficulty transitioning from one scene to the next? A reader needs to be able to easily follow along and will quickly lose interest if this does not happen. Editing can be frustrating, but it is crucial to your success as an author, so after you get your thoughts down on paper (or digitally, nowadays) you need to go back to be sure that there is a good flow to your thoughts. Transition words are an easy way to add variety to your sentences and at the same time make your story sound more interesting. There are three main ways to use transition words, which I will illustrate below.

Ways to Use Transition Words or Phrases:

1.  At the beginning of a sentence

Many times, transition words or phrases are used at the beginning of a sentence and are followed by a comma. This informs the reader of what they should do with the upcoming information, such as signaling a change in topic or that an example will follow.

Below is an example of a paragraph that does not use transition words. Note that it sounds choppy, and the relationship of the information is not very clear.

He made it back home with dinner. He and his wife shared a quick but lovely dinner, as his wife always seemed to be famished since discovering she was eating for two. They sat out on the patio and leaned back in their chaise lounges. They gazed up at the full moon and chatted until they were both sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.

If we add some transition words, the paragraph reads more smoothly and the relationship of the information becomes clearer.

Finally, he made it back with dinner. Next, he and his wife shared a quick but lovely dinner, as his wife always seemed to be famished since discovering she was eating for two. Afterward, they sat out on the patio and leaned back in their chaise lounges. Then, they gazed up at the full moon and chatted until they were both sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.

2.  At the beginning of a clause

Transition words do not always have to be at the beginning of a sentence. Sometimes, they can be better used in the middle of a sentence when joining two clauses. The transition word could be at the beginning of dependent or independent clauses. Again, this also adds a little bit more variety to your writing.

Here are a couple of examples of independent clauses that seem very short and uninteresting.

The two teenagers wanted to go to the fair. Neither one of them had a car.

This could be dangerous territory. Businesses should err on the side of caution.

When the sentences are joined with transition words, they become much more interesting to read.

The two teenagers wanted to go to the fair, although neither one of them had a car.

This could be dangerous territory; therefore, businesses should err on the side of caution.

Now, here is an example of an independent clause joined to a dependent clause by a transition word acting as a subordinating conjunction.

We are required to wear black or blue pants since we are employed there.

3.    At the beginning of a paragraph

One of the best uses of transition words is to insert them at the beginning of a paragraph. Try reading the following two paragraphs. You may observe that there seems to be an abrupt switch to a contrasting opinion in the second paragraph.

The use of social media for recruitment of new teachers provides many advantages for school districts. Open positions can be posted on various platforms of social media. Many districts have formed local consortiums where they can post open positions and a candidate can submit an application to be kept on file for use in any position posted on the site. Districts also have the option of posting available positions on the district Facebook page or the district website.

There are also drawbacks to using social media for recruiting. Not everyone uses social media; therefore, older candidates or those with low socioeconomic status might not be aware of the posting even though they may be a perfect fit for the job. People from other areas of the country may not know which sites to access, as well.

In order to better connect your ideas, try adding transition words or phrases at the beginning of some of your paragraphs. Read the same paragraphs below and pay attention to the differences. With the transition word used in the second paragraph, there is a much better flow to the passage. Notice also that transition words can have different purposes, such as referencing or to contradict.

In regard to the use of social media for recruitment of new teachers, it provides many advantages for school districts. Open positions can be posted on various platforms of social media. Many districts have formed local consortiums where they can post open positions and a candidate can submit an application to be kept on file for use in any position posted on the site. Districts also have the option of posting available positions on the district Facebook page or the district website.

In contrast, there are also drawbacks to using social media for recruiting. Not everyone uses social media; therefore, older candidates or those with low socioeconomic status might not be aware of the posting even though they may be a perfect fit for the job. People from other areas of the country may not know which sites to access, as well.

There are so many transition words and phrases to choose from! This is one of the aspects that makes writing so fun. You can experiment with various options and see which one speaks to you more. While the use of transition words and phrases makes your writing clearer and more cohesive, be sure not to overuse them. Too many can make a story sound repetitive and wordy. Additionally, it may be distracting to the reader so much so that your passage becomes difficult to read or understand.

I hope you enjoyed this introduction to transition words and phrases.

Happy writing!

Heather Malone writes children’s books that focus mainly on Montessori education, special education, and nonfiction. She also dabbles in fiction. Her nonfiction book, Montessori from A to Z, was published in 2023, and her blog on homeschooling students with disabilities using the Montessori method can be viewed at spedmontessorisolutions.com. Her passion is education, which is evidenced by spending over twenty-five years in the field before leaving the classroom to now provide technical assistance to school districts. She lives with her husband and son in Ohio and enjoys traveling to new places in her free time.

Categories
The Picky Pen

Editing Like a Director

Hello! How’s your editing been going for you? I hope you’re seeing great improvement, but if you’re at a loss for how to edit or even what it consists of, take heart.

Editing is as much an art form as writing, so the more you practice, the better your results will be. Last month, we looked at three way to think like an editor. This month, we’ll switch gears and look at how to edit like a director. Rather, we’ll transform our story into the stage and our characters into actors. You enjoy a well-done performance, don’t you? Consider what makes up a stunning stage performance . . . and we’ll incorporate a few tips for how to edit like a director.

Three tips for how to edit like a director

  1. Captivating dialogue

I understand. Dialogue is hard to craft because as in life, there’s emotion, nuance, and subtext in our characters’ dialogue. When crafting my own dialogue between my characters, I must reflect on the general goal I want my hero and/or heroine to accomplish. And whatever that goal is the dialogue should mirror that goal. For instance, if my amateur detective heroine wants to get admission into the exhibit so she can scoop up clues from last night’s painting theft, but no one will let her in because that section of the museum has been closed off, she’s got to convince the ticket master that it’s important to let her in. What might that dialogue consist of?

Amateur detective: “Sir, I’m with the police. I’d like to be let inside the exhibit hall, so I may conduct my search.”

Ticket master: “I’m very sorry. Only the private investigators are allowed in there.”

Amateur detective: “But I am a private investigator.”

Ticket master: “Hardly, miss. Where are your credentials?”

  1. Strong character actions

Outside of dialogue, strong character actions is the most important element on the stage because it connects the audience with the actors and endears them to the entire story. Likewise, giving your story characters specific movements throughout each story scene will entice our readers to want to engage with the story. Let’s take the dialogue we crafted between the amateur detective and the ticket master and incorporate some strong character actions.

Lily Nash stepped inside the museum’s expansive lobby, searching for the ticket counter. Ah, there, near a huge marble column. “Sir, I’d like to be let inside the exhibit hall, so I may conduct a search from last night’s robbery.”

“I’m very sorry, but that’s closed to the public. Only private investigators are allowed in there.” The ticket master stamped a few papers and filed them.

Gripping her handbag, she said, “But I am a private investigator.”

The ticket master cast a scorning glance down at her over his thin metal spectacles. “Hardly, miss. Where are your credentials?”

Did you notice yourself envision the scene, what the characters might look like, and how their voices might sound, based from this scene? Does it seem like Lily isn’t as prepared as she should be, and the ticket master is a stern fellow? Do you hear the desperation in Lily’s voice and the disbelief in the ticket master’s? Can you see the lobby’s high ceiling and the large, stone columns? We have not included anything but character actions and dialogue, and perhaps you are connected with the scene already.

  1. Strong transitions between scenes

Incorporating strong transitions between your story’s scenes will help your readers connect the dots and stay on track with the story as it ebbs and flows, leading to the climax and the ending. Now, we’ll take the last scene, with dialogue and character action, and create transition scenes before and after.

Looking up at the front of the art museum, Lily Nash clutched her stomach. Her first assignment alone.

She stepped inside the museum’s expansive lobby, searching for the ticket counter. Ah, there, near a huge marble column. “Sir, I’d like to be let inside the exhibit hall, so I may conduct a search from last night’s robbery.”

“I’m very sorry, but that’s closed to the public. Only private investigators are allowed in there.” The ticket master stamped a few papers and filed them.

Gripping her handbag, she said, “But I am a private investigator.”

The ticket master cast a scorning glance down at her over his thin metal spectacles. “Hardly, miss. Where are your credentials?”

“I have them, sir.” Lily dug through her handbag. Fear gripped her throat. She’d had it at the station. Without another word to the ticket master, she turned and fled the building.

Transitions don’t have to extend to several sentences or even paragraphs. Just mention enough to get your characters from one place to the next so it will be clear to your readers how your characters are moving throughout the story as it progresses, hopefully, from good to bad to worse to a climactic ending with a satisfying end.

Just as each theatrical production has its own style, theme, and tone, your story has its own style, scene exchanges, dialogue, and tone so that the message truly reaches the reader’s heart. The bottom line is to make sure your writing shows an entire story being acted out as if it were a theatrical production. Now, take a small scene from your current WIP and see how you can transform it into a scene that fully engages readers in dialogue, character actions, and transitions.

Please join in the discussion! I’d love to hear from you!

Take a few minutes and ruminate. How do you edit like an actor?

Tisha Martin writes historical fiction and nonfiction but also edits and proofreads for beginning and best-selling writers, professional editing agencies, and publishing houses. She has a BA in Professional Writing, an MS in English Education, and an editing certificate from the PEN Institute, affordable continuing education for editors. Active in American Christian Fiction Writers and The PEN, she appreciates the writing and editing communities. As Assistant Director of PENCON, a conference for editors, she enjoys travel marketing and updating PENCON’s Facebook Page. Connect with Tisha on her website www.tishamartin.com and engage in the conversation.

Categories
Screenwriting

Moving On

We’ve all seen bad movies before. Films we couldn’t wait to see after watching a brief two or three minutes trailer on TV only to be disappointed and fooled by the hodgepodge, jumbled collections of vaguely related scenes that look like they were put together by an editor with a severe case of ADD or hiccups.

Action-adventure movies are notorious for this poor visual seizure. Like what was meant to be an epic battle scene in Zach Ryder’s Wonder Woman, the Amazonians are defending the island and Ares, the attacker rambles on about the past while the battle rages from one action beat to another.

These stories that have no sense of direction or purpose and just move from one scene to the next; we often find ourselves leaving the theater feeling ripped-off, like victims of some get rich quick Ponzi scheme that promises big payoffs, but never delivers.

We wonder if somehow we missed something, perhaps during a quick bathroom or snack run. Just maybe the problem wasn’t a weak storyline, but poor transitions or lack of them all together—just a smorgasbord of powerful scenes thrown together in an effort to sell a story (1 Cor. 14:33.)

The real problem is poor transitions or lack of them altogether.

Transitions are important tools to help weave scenes and storylines together in a film.

Effective transitions help your writing (story) flow. They help give your audience a sense of direction and purpose. First the writer (creator) must determine the direction their story is going and then they can plant cues or catalysts to guide the audience along.

We can take notes from King Solomon on how God does this (Proverbs 16:9, 19:21). Once we establish the path of our story, then we need to pick what kind of transitions we are going to use to get from point A to point B.  Film uses different types of transitions.

  • Action, movement of one person or object mirrored to movement of another person or object.
  • Specific views or shots which are similar.
  •  Dialogue.

Dialogue is my favorite form of transition. It allows me to mention something in one scene and have it come to pass later in my story. Foreshadowing saves time, whitespace and allows me to build momentum as my story progresses.

Think of it like a mountain stream that flows from a lake or pond at a higher elevation. Throughout the flow of water, the stream picks up sediments and carries it from one place to another, often unseen by the naked eye. But the end result is obvious where the water’s path ends. It’s where the current stops moving.

Moving on?

In the late 1800s the French Lumière brothers became filmmaking pioneers and patented the cinematograph, a motion picture camera. They used it to make their first film, Workers Leaving the Lumière Factory.

It was basically just a series of pictures of workers leaving a factory, no words, just the common action of workers flowing out of a factory at the end of the day.

It wasn’t until the 1920s that audiences were able to hear sound in movies and that took storytelling in film to a whole other level. It gave filmmakers more dimension to their storytelling (Genesis 1:3.) The whole purpose was always to move an audience from one place to another.

Transitions aren’t limited to just film.  Dialogue transition can also be used in fictional books. Christian YA author Tessa Emily Hall uses this technique in her book Unwritten Melody at the end of chapter 4 when Cassie is talking to herself about sharing her lyrics with a guy she is crushing on when she meets with him again, and then Tessa begins the next chapter with Cassie sharing her lyrics with James.

Transitional writing is key in nonfiction writing as well, even in blogging. If you have ever read a post of mine, you’ve noticed there is a hint or preview of my next blog post hidden in the final subtopic of each post. This way I can keep my train of thought smoothly moving on.

Martin Johnson survived a severe car accident with a (T.B.I.) Truamatic brain injury which left him legally blind and partially paralyzed on the left side. He is an award-winning Christian screenwriter who has recently finished his first Christian nonfiction book. Martin has spent the last nine years volunteering as an ambassador and promoter for Promise Keepers ministries. While speaking to local men’s ministries he shares his testimony. He explains The Jesus Paradigm and how following Jesus changes what matters most in our lives. Martin lives in a Georgia and connects with readers at Spiritual Perspectives of Da Single Guy and on Twitter at mtjohnson51.

Categories
Polishing Your Message Uncategorized

A Shell of a Draft . . .

Shell of a Draft

Shortly after moving to the Islands, a new habit easily became walking early on the beach. On one particular morning, something unlikely happened. (Unlikely from my beach experiences . . . ) I found a big beautiful shell— a whole shell. Do you understand?  I found a large complete shell five inches tall and four inches wide.  Feeling stunned, amazed, and thrilled, I instantly knew I was meant to find this particular shell, on this particular day, in this particular way.

How do I know that? Because it was God showing off again in my world. See, before my walk I had just read how God uses our SHAPE for his purpose. SHAPE being an acronym from Rick Warren’s book A Purpose Driven Life (236).  His SHAPE acronym represents the following words and how God uses them in our life:

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart

A – Abilities

P – Personality

E – Experiences

The SHELL I found is a symbol for the devotion I had read and a gift to remember the lesson. Believe me, I have walked beaches many times, and I have never found such a big unbroken SHELL. On this particular day, He reminded me he has made us all for a special purpose and wants us to use all the above traits for his purpose.

A couple months pass and again I’m walking the beach contemplating inspirations for a new blog, and again I am still thinking about that SHELL. (Now anytime I see a shell, I think of that shell.)

As I continue walking the pastel carpet of broken shell pieces listening to the crunch of each step, I ponder Warren’s acronym and think about how our first drafts for short blogs, essays, and articles form a shell for our final written work. Getting that first Shell of a Draft is sometimes the hardest part of writing. Coming up with ideas is not difficult for writers– it is giving the idea shape. Ask around and discover, most writers keep stashes of ideas tucked in shoe boxes, notebooks, electronic files, and the sandy corners of their minds to develop one day. Discerning what direction, what purpose, and for what audience an idea best agrees often forms its shape when we write that First Shell of a Draft.

[bctt tweet=”Getting that first Shell of a Draft is sometimes the hardest part of writing.”]

While walking and enjoying the formation of birds standing at attention, a new ACRONYM for the word SHAPE came to mind. An acronym to help writers create a first SHELL OF A DRAFT.

How to SHAPE a Shell of a Draft:

birds8

S – See it

H – Hear it

A – Ask it

P – Perceive it

E – End it, Edit it, Edit it, Edit it,  .  .  .  and END IT.

[bctt tweet=”Write to see what’s on your mind. “]

See it:

One of my favorite quotes to share is by E.M Forster, “How do I know what I think until I see what I say?” The heart of our drafts often originates when we free write those first initial thoughts and ideas. Sometimes we are surprised by what appears on the blank screen or notebook and we discover, learn, and grow when what is deep within our heart is revealed.  So for step one, when you have a topic or idea,  just write. Write to see what’s on your mind. Write to see what’s on your heart, and write to see what’s in your Spirit. Just get it down on paper.

Hear it:

Do my thoughts flow smoothly for the reader? Reread the draft repeatedly listening for areas where words may be missing or thoughts are not connecting smoothly. (Perhaps some transitions will help.) Listen for opportunities of adding parallelism with list or alliteration to catch a reader’s attention. These are all writing elements, tools, or techniques a wordsmith enjoys adding to his or her work. Pay attention to word choice when rereading aloud. Look up words if needed and use a thesaurus to reduce redundancy. Finally, say a little prayer and trust your ear; trust it as an assistant to your writing.

Ask it:

Are there any areas of confusion? Are the examples and support all supporting the main idea of the message? If not, some may need to be omitted. Writers often have lots of ideas on how to reveal a message, but determine which details and examples best reveal your purpose and audience and omit the rest. This question is a key factor in helping writers decide what to leave in and what to take out. If it does not support the purpose, consider leaving it out.

Perceive it:

This is the time for peer review or reader feedback. Can the text be misunderstood, unclear, or offensive to readers? How might others interpret the prose? When asking someone’s perspective, you may want to share a past blog on how a friend can offer confident feedback.

End it: 

This may be the hardest decision, but deadlines and goals help encourage the process. End it, then edit it, end it again, let it rest, and edit it again. Embrace the process and accept revision, revision, revision is required to get that draft into shape. Continue the process until you feel peace or your time has expired. Say a little prayer and let your message go.

Today, when I hold the shell I found, it symbolizes for me the SHAPE God is molding me into and how my spirit, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences SHAPE my writing. In addition, the shell is a marker of answered prayer (for years I’ve wanted to live back near a beach).  It represents my current life transition from single motherhood to empty-nester and the SHAPE for which my heavenly father sees me and cares about every detail in my life– even a walk on the beach.

I hope these suggestions will help new writers develop their ideas into drafts and then on to a final message.

(I am ending here because it’s now time to go walk on the beach with a friend.)

Below, I invite you to share what gifts God reveals to  you while enjoying nature.

Categories
Polishing Your Message

Building Bridges With Transitions

Transitions are an important element in our writing. Without them a paragraph can sometimes feel like we are reading a grocery list. The sentences seem choppy feeling like we are jumping from one thought to another.

I like to tell my students to think of transitions as bridges. They help connect the writer’s thoughts and allow the reader to easily follow and comprehend the message. Without them, the reader may have to work harder to concentrate and associate the unwritten connections. (Do remember, as writers, it is our job to make reading easy for our audience.) In addition, transitions will polish our writing and help us not lose our readers as we deliver our message.

As mentioned, I think of transitional devices as bridges, which brings to mind many different types of bridges: short bridges, long bridges, covered bridges, weak bridges,  and sturdy steel bridges. Without them, we cannot get to the other side, which is often where we are trying to take our readers. Equally, many different types of transitions are available as tools to help move our thoughts along. These transitions can be short using one word, long using phrases, weak by choosing wrong words, and sturdy dependable transitions like the list below.   These bridges can transport readers past years in time with a few little words. For example: “Six years later. . . .” Or maybe we skip to the next thought using words like ” first, next,” and “finally.” Choosing the best transitional device takes practice and a good ear, so be sure to read the text aloud and listen to hear if it connects your thoughts smoothly.

The different transitional devices and phrases will lead the reader in a variety of directions.   See below a list of common transitions and their purposes.  Many list are available online (see above link) and handy tools to have available.   

  • Addition or Sequences – also, besides, finally, first, furthermore, in addition
  • Comparison – also, similarly, in the same way, likewise
  • Contrast – even so, however, in contrast, still, otherwise, nevertheless
  • Examples – for example, for instance, that is
  • Emphasis – Indeed, in fact, of course
  • Place – below, elsewhere, nearby, to the east
  • Repetition or Summary – in brief, in other words, in short, in summary
  • Cause and Effect – as a result, consequently, hence, therefore, thus
  • Time Sequence- Eventually, finally, meanwhile, next, once, then, today, now

[bctt tweet=”Common transitions and their purposes”]

In a similar manner, life also offers us many transitions. I recently experienced a major life transition (which is why my posts are void a couple expected blogs). On July 15, 2015, I had no idea what my immediate or long term future held. I didn’t know my future job or expected resources. My youngest was leaving the nest and starting college. Thus, I was unsure of my future purpose and direction. Nevertheless, by August 15, 2015, God had moved me to Savannah, moved me from a three bedroom home with a garage to a one bedroom condo, moved me into a new job, and made me an official Empty Nester all in one week. How is that for godly transitions? He built a bridge in 30 days which was easy to follow and easy to comprehend knowing His hand was in every aspect of my life transition.

As a result, I think God often likes to show off in how he makes a transition come about. During that month, He sure showed off to me. He had me laughing, praising, and full of joy as he provided  encouraging Christian shoppers at three yard sales to downsize. The sales alone were fun, joyful, and full of good wishes and prayers for my future from strangers. Next, He led me to the perfect condo close to the beach, and He provided kind people to help me move. (Living near the beach has been a desire for many years, but I expected it would not be reality until much later in life . . . Thank you Lord!) He opened a door to teach in a Christian environment, and as always, He provided the resources needed perfectly. This bridge to my next season in life was joyful, easy to cross, and covered with his protection all the way.

Meanwhile, my long term future is still unknown now living as an Empty  Nester  enjoying Fridays spent reading, writing, and biking.  As an adjunct instructor, for me my semesters are also my bridges. I know not where the end of this one will lead, and I do not worry. He has provided all I need for this semester. So although I am single, I am not alone. Today, January 15, 2016, I am here Lord, ready to cross the next bridge with you.

PS. When I wrote my bio 6 months ago, I never dreamed I would be living near the beach within 30 days. God is good. (Imagine big smile here.)

So, what life transitions has God used to show off in your world lately?

[bctt tweet=”What life transitions has God used to show off in your world lately?”]

Sources: Quick Access: Reference for Writers 7th ed.  Lynn Q Troyka and Douglas Hessee (65)