The Absent Author

“You’ve drawn back,” that familiar voice whispered to my heart. I tried to shrug off the nudge. I knew I needed to be transparent with my readers, but it made me uncomfortable, as if naked in a crowd.

One night at writers group, I showed up with several miscellaneous pieces to share. An unfinished article lay at the bottom of the pile. I felt unqualified to write it because I still wrestled with the subject—forgiveness. I certainly didn’t want to read it to my writers group. It scared me to share any of my writing, let alone something that made me vulnerable. So, I read the pieces that cost little and allowed me to keep a safe emotional distance.

I always positioned myself at the table so I could see our leader.

While we shared our work, I watched the nuances of his expressions to get a real feel for his responses. I noted how he measured his words when he commented. As everyone stated what they liked about what I’d read, Jack leaned back, silent, in his chair.

“Jack, you’re awfully quiet.”

“I want to hear Rachael. I want to see Rachael on the page. I want to hear your voice.”

“They’re all me,” I said. But Jack stared stone-faced. “You just want to see me bleed, don’t you?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I do.”

So much for being incognito. All eyes fixed on us. I sighed and pulled the unfinished piece from beneath the pile of papers and read what would become my article entitled Forgive to my writers group.

“There you are,” Jack said. “There’s Rachael.”

A hush fell on the room. Though this took place at a public library, it felt like church.

I finished my article on forgiveness and posted it on my blog. A few days later, I received a message from a young man I’d never met who was attending a Bible conference put on by one of our churches across the country.

“Thanks for this post,” he said. “It’s exactly what I needed to hear. A huge weight lifted off me tonight. I was struggling all week to hear from God concerning a troublesome situation. There have been powerful sermons all week that were very applicable to my life, but I needed clear direction from God. Your blog post on forgiveness cut to the heart of the matter. I haven’t been able to leave any of the services with peace, but now I can. Thanks.”

Sometimes I fall short of the tall order of vulnerability in my writing, but I’m no longer resistant. My new writing mentor, Cec Murphey, appears determined to draw me into the startling light, and that’s a good thing. “Where’s Rachael in this piece?” he says. Yes, a bared soul can touch hearts in ways polished prose and hard facts alone cannot.

Oh, how rich the reward when we truly give of ourselves to serve others.

Rachael M. Colby has a heart for reconciliation and a passion to uplift those who serve in tough places. She writes to connect cultures’ questions with Christianity’s answers, inspire faith, and motivate.

Rachael’s work has appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul, the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference Blog, online publications, compilation books, and the Oak Ridger newspaper.

This Jamaican-born multi-genre award-winning writer, wife, and mom resides in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. She runs on chocolate and a lotta “Help me, Jesus.”