What Do You Write?

It’s almost SWCS, or Summer Writers Conference Season, for those of you who don’t know. I attended my first writers conference years ago and have attended many of them since. At that first one, I learned something right away.

When you sit down next to anyone at a writers conference, there will always be a basic first question.  You might think it would be, “What is your name?” Not so, because you’re most likely going to be wearing some form of ungainly nametag, so that information will be clear.

No, the first question will be: “What do you write?”

I have been asked that question when I sat down for meals, classes, and for a break outside. New friends, old friends, famous authors, and not-so-famous authors have inquired this information from me. I have probably even been asked this question in the bathroom, although I don’t remember a specific instance (Plus, men’s rooms at writers conference tend to be less populated than ladies rooms).

Last year, I taught at the virtual Kentucky Christian Writers Conference, and I was amazed at the discussions in the chat feature. Attendees interacted much as they would have at a live conference, and people still constantly asked . . . you got it . . . “What do you write?”

As I gear up to attend such events this year (one virtual, one live), I have thought of some creative, off-the-wall answers to the classic question, just to spice things up a bit. So here goes.

“What do you write?”…

“Feline nonfiction novels.”

“Amish speculative fiction. Watch out, Martha, there’s something in the butter!”

Look around suspiciously and whisper, “I can’t talk about it in public.”

“Your Best Quarantine Life Now: Changing Your Pajama Pants More Than Twice a Week.”

“Amish romantic suspense. Watch thy back, Levi.”

“A new devotional book, 365 Days with Teenagers. 100 stories about sleeping in, 100 stories about not cleaning your room, 100 stories about junk food. I don’t know about the other 65—I’ll do that tomorrow. Or someday.”

“A Quarantine Cookbook: Making Meals Out of Butter Crackers, Cheese, Peanut Butter, and Old Chocolate Chips Found in the Cabinet.”

“Amish Dystopian Teenage Romance: No Hunger Games with MY Bread, Sarah.”

“I don’t want to tell, because I’m afraid someone will steal my idea. But I have printed out my work in three hardback notebooks and have them with me.”

Hopefully you can tell my tongue is firmly in my cheek. On a serious note, if you do attend a writers conference and are asked this question, be yourself and talk confidently about your work.

Martha and Levi would not want it any other way.

Carlton Hughes, represented by Cyle Young of Hartline Literary, wears many hats. By day, he is a professor of communication. On Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, he serves as a children’s pastor. In his “spare time,” he is a freelance writer. Carlton is an empty-nesting dad and devoted husband who likes long walks on the beach, old sitcoms, and chocolate—all the chocolate. His work has been featured in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Dating Game, The Wonders of Nature, Let the Earth Rejoice, Just Breathe, So God Made a Dog, and Everyday Grace for Men. His latest book is Adventures in Fatherhood, co-authored with Holland Webb.